Bar mitzvah boy lein with not nice voice?

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amother

Forestgreen

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 3:18 pm

My son really wants to Lein by his bar mitzvah. He doesn’t know that he has a horrible voice. Of course I would never tell him although at some point I hope he realizes!! When he sings zemiros you can tell he thinks he sound good when in reality he sounds very unpleasant. Should I let him Lein? He wants to but he’s going to sound so bad......I know I should get over it. It’s about him and he’ll feel
Good.

amother

Floralwhite

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 3:20 pm

If you want to work on his voice, get him voice lessons before the bm lessons. Please don't ever tell him that he doesn't have a good voice.

amother

Mustard

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 3:24 pm

amother wrote:

Absolutely let him lein and let him get confidence that his voice is strong. It can be strong and accurate leining wise without being the most tuneful. Please don’t tell him his voice is “bad” or “unpleasant” - how awful that you describe it that way. His leining teacher should ideally be someone very musical who can help him with that side of things, kind of all-in-one leining/singing lessons. Make it clear to the teacher that you would like your son to learn to lein to the best of his singing ability.

greenfire

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 3:30 pm

it's his right of passage ... a good compromise would be to lein only a small amount ... first aliyah till sheini, last aliyah or only haftorah

practice practice practice ...

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 3:31 pm

Leining is chanting, not singing. If he is motivated to learn how and step up to this level of responsibility and participation for his bar mitzvah, he certainly should do so.

amother

Wine

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 3:34 pm

DH is tone deaf and can't carry a tune to save his life but he leins every week in shul and is sought after to lein when other minyanim don't have a baal koreih some weeks.

Don't prevent your son from leining because you think he has a terrible voice. Poor kid.

Ruchel

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 3:52 pm

wow please don't give him the taam that Judaism = his bar mitsva = he's too bad at it
and no he doesn't need singing lessons

amother

Pearl

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 4:00 pm

Since when does one need a nice voice to lein? Mazel Tov on the bar mitzvah!

amother

Khaki

Wed, Feb 13 2019, 9:31 am

My son has a really bad voice and can’t carry a tune and doesn’t enjoy singing.
He is actually doing fantastic with leining lessons.
We decided when he started we would see how much he could do. Like just first Aliyah, or just haftorah or full parisha. His teacher would decide.
Bh it looks like he will do it all beautifully.

I’m glad we gave him the chance to try.

FranticFrummie

Wed, Feb 13 2019, 10:48 am

This isn't about the melody. It's not about what people will think, or if they will enjoy hearing him.

This is about his commitment to the Torah and Hashem, and nothing is more beautiful than that.

IMHO, it's nature's cruel joke that a boy's voice changes right at around the age of 13, but what can you do? Maybe it's Hashem's way of saying that the tune is not the most important thing.

I would happily sit through a service full of "screeching and skwalking" if there was a love of Yiddishkeit and mitzvot there.

PinkFridge

Wed, Feb 13 2019, 10:58 am

A lot of baalei kriah don't have the best voices. And I'm totally with FF. And one point, like she said, a lot of bar mitzvah boys croak their way through the parsha, boys whose voices were gorgeous before and become gorgeous after.

Mazel tov!

zaq

Wed, Feb 13 2019, 11:36 am

A good baal korei must be accurate and audible and have good diction. An operatic voice is a nice add-on but not a requirement. This is about disseminating Torah and acknowledging a boy's acceptance of his role and responsibilities as a Jewish adult. You want good voices, go to a concert.

Voice lessons, if you can afford them and your ds is interested,are worthwhile. They won't turn him into a Shwekey, but he will learn pacing, breath control, diction, and most of all confidence. Don't ever, ever, ever let him know your opinion of his voice.

Last edited by zaq on Wed, Feb 13 2019, 9:03 pm; edited 1 time in total

ShishKabob

Wed, Feb 13 2019, 11:41 am

Of course you should let him lein, It's not about you, it's about him. And you must've done the right thing because he feels confident of himself to lein despite of the voice.

There are vitamins to enhance the voice that chazzanim use as well as voice therapists.

My dh's siblings told him that he sings off tune and guess what? he has a beautiful voice but never wanted to sing zmiros because of that complex. I happen to love to hear him sing whether it's on tune or not, but it took tons of prompting from me to get him to do it cuz all he hears in his head is "you sing off tune" "yousing off tune".

nylon

Wed, Feb 13 2019, 10:10 pm

Unless he is truly tone deaf and can't hear the difference between an etnachta and a sof-pasuk, voice isn't so important--I know regular ba'alei kriah who are not wonderful singers. What matters is being able to understand the grammar and phrasing, to be clear and project. A good tutor will help, and he will learn a lot, which is as much the point as the performance.