Do your kids get dessert if they didn't finish supper?

amother

Goldenrod

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 6:51 pm

I never force my kids to eat. If they’re hungry they will eat, believe me.

However, if your child is the type to starve himself, I’d probably make them eat something.

Ravenclaw

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 6:55 pm

Huh?
Dessert?
Only if they eat the entree with the proper fork, don’t fight by the smorgasbord and use the right glasses for their wine and champagne.

naomi2

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 6:56 pm

We only have dessert on shobbos and then it's usually fruit but when it is cake they need to eat something first. Even if it's just a piece of challa. So that I know that lunch was not cake and that's all he ate from 8am to 5pm.

amother

Pumpkin

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 6:57 pm

amother wrote:

I never force my kids to eat. If they’re hungry they will eat, believe me.

However, if your child is the type to starve himself, I’d probably make them eat something.

Same here. I make foods that my kids like. We try new foods and add them to our repertoire if the kids like them, but when I make something new I make sure to also have an easy backup option that I know they like in case they don't like the new offering. If they are hungry they eat the normal food. If they don't want normal food it is because they aren't hungry. If my kids were the type to pass on the normal food and fill up on junk when they are hungry I guess I would insist that eat some real food. Though in general I do not believe in pressuring my kids about eating.

aliavi

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 7:09 pm

Dessert is not a reward so children may have if it’s there, but only a regular portion not enough to fill up from not eating.

We only do dessert on Shabbos, not even for Rosh Chodesh, because school does a treat.

Challah isn’t eating. Children must eat two things from whatever is being served. Teaching about food of some sort like growing a garden seems to help with aversions. We have an indoor garden with herbs for this purpose.

If children aren’t eating at the Shabbos meal, they may be getting lots of nosh at kiddish.

I keep boiled eggs and nuts as snacks in addition to fruits and veggies. I also allow dip for thoses. I have a DC that likes carrots with salsa.

BH, I’ve ended up with healthy food behaviors and not picky eating.

amother

Magenta

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 7:12 pm

mha3484 wrote:

I consider it a serving so a piece of fish, a bowl of soup, a serving of salad. A chicken leg or thigh. My kids are 2,4,8 so I have a good sense of what their typical portion is.

Do they always eat that on their own? What do you do if they don't eat that?

amother

Magenta

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 7:15 pm

pesek zman wrote:

If my 4 year old eats dinner nicely she gets a small dessert, like a Hershey kiss or a few chocolate chips. If she doesn’t, she doesn’t. She knows this.

You serve it if she eats nicely and don't if she doesn't. What happens if you serve dessert regardless because there are other people around, does she then not either get if she doesn't eat nicely.

amother

Magenta

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 7:17 pm

amother wrote:

Just the opposite. If they haven't eaten anything, I'll say something like, at least have a brownie. Dessert only Shabbas.

Why would that not only eat brownie?

amother

Pumpkin

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 7:17 pm

OP, do you know why your kids aren't eating? Are they really not hungry? Do they not really like the foods you are serving? Do they just love dessert so much that they can't want to skip eating so they can have dessert?

amother

Magenta

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 7:19 pm

amother wrote:

I never force my kids to eat. If they’re hungry they will eat, believe me.

However, if your child is the type to starve himself, I’d probably make them eat something.

This isn't my question. I want to know what you do when there's dessert. Kids would usually rather eat dessert than real food.

amother

Magenta

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 7:20 pm

amother wrote:

Or because they don't like it.
How would you insist they eat real food?

amother

Pumpkin

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 7:22 pm

amother wrote:

Or because they don't like it.
How would you insist they eat real food?

I don't generally have to insist they eat real food because I make foods that they like and they eat it. I certainly wouldn't insist they eat a food they don't like especially if they have at least tried it.

amother

Magenta

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 7:30 pm

aliavi wrote:

What happens if they don't eat two things from whatever is being served?
What do you do if they aren't eating at the Shabbos meal becasue they are getting lots of nosh at kiddush? Do they get dessert anyway?

Amarante

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 7:31 pm

Like others, dessert in the sense that it is a sugary high fat treat isn't served regularly so it isn't an issue. For Shabbos or other special meals, I wouldn't make a big deal one way or another because generally there is always something that the kids will have eaten and what you eat for one meal makes no big difference anyway.

If a kid is a habitual bad eater or has real nutritional issues that's a different issue and then one might have to think a bit outside the box in terms of disguising food in palatable form.

I agree that making a big deal about "dessert" being a special reward potentially sets up this whole differentiation between "good" special dessert type of food which is a reward and boring wholesome healthy food.

amother

Magenta

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 7:32 pm

amother wrote:

What I want to hear right now is what other people do and what their dessert policies are.

amother

Pumpkin

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 7:34 pm

amother wrote:

What I want to hear right now is what other people do and what their dessert policies are.

I understand but to me at least it really depends on why the kid didn't eat their food.
ETA: I don't have a policy because it depends on the particular circumstance and why my kid didn't eat real food (which is unusual) and what else they ate that day etc.

amother

Magenta

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 7:35 pm

Amarante wrote:

This philosophy makes sense.
To address the bolded, it's not just one meal. It's at least two meals each week (Shabbos) plus other special meals interspersed.

amother

Magenta

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 7:38 pm

amother wrote:

Can you explain?
What would you do if the kid didn't eat real food because
-they're too full
-they don't like it
-their stomach hurts
-they eat slowly and see other kids have dessert already so they rather want that

Amarante

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 7:40 pm

amother wrote:

This philosophy makes sense.
To address the bolded, it's not just one meal. It's at least two meals each week (Shabbos) plus other special meals interspersed.

Not sure if you are thinking this is fallacious reasoning on my part.

What I meant is that in general the kids will find something "real" to eat from almost every "holiday" or "festive" or "special occasion meal" and so I don't really oversee exactly what they are eating. For the same reason I might have relatively unhealthy dishes that wouldn't be served for most meals.

I don't have kids who would go more than one meal without eating real food so it's not something I have had to deal with.

As per my original post, if I had a picky eater or had to deal with nutritional issues, my approach would be different.