Do your kids get dessert if they didn't finish supper?

thunderstorm

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 7:41 pm

I don't check yo see what my kids eat usually. I have a problem where one kid over eats so I'd discourage him from eating dessert so that he doesn't feel like he's throwing up. However I leave the choice up to him to decide if he wants to eat dessert now or later.
He has held off eating the dessert many times until he wasn't as full.
I don't force anyone to eat. I serve dessert at the Seuda and I wouldn't withhold it from someone who didn't eat. I don't believe in rewarding and punishing with food.

amother

Lavender

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 7:42 pm

My kids are SUPER picky, and some of them tiny eaters. I’ve tried bribing with desserts at times, but it just creates a negative atmosphere and doesn’t get them to eat much more. Now we just rarely serve dessert. On shabbas we have a ‘shabbos party’ with a couple of treats/ snacks, it’s not eaten in proximity to the meal so no policies there. Occasionally when I do serve a real dessert -usually Y”T, or once in a while shabbos, I tell the kids they need something healthy first, but don’t usually check up how much they actually eat etc.

Last edited by amother on Wed, Mar 13 2019, 3:24 pm; edited 1 time in total

pesek zman

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 7:45 pm

amother wrote:

You serve it if she eats nicely and don't if she doesn't. What happens if you serve dessert regardless because there are other people around, does she then not either get if she doesn't eat nicely.

I’m talking about during the week, when dessert is not typically served. She’s the only one eating ‘dessert’

aliavi

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 7:48 pm

amother wrote:

What happens if they don't eat two things from whatever is being served?
What do you do if they aren't eating at the Shabbos meal becasue they are getting lots of nosh at kiddush? Do they get dessert anyway?

Good questions. That’s always been the rule, to choose two things. I’m a very consistent type. I serve buffet style. If they don’t pick two things, it’s usually being over tired or not feeling well, so I send to bed or tuck in or give a bath or tea.

One dessert item can be eaten at kiddish. Again, I’m consistent. That’s the rule and it’s obeyed well. Food isn’t a reward so it’s not something to be sneaky about I guess. Yes, even if a child doesn’t eat for a Shabbos meal I would give a regular dessert portion. I want it to be more about Shabbos and not about dessert and I don’t want a pouting child at the table either. Hatzlacha with your attempts.

PS sugar cravings can be a sign of fatigue or dehydration according to a DC’s GI doctor.

amother

Gold

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 7:55 pm

My kids need to eat a decent amount of their meal before they can have dessert. Dessert is not a reward for finishing to eat, it's more like the order in which things go. First is dinner/shabbos meal etc and then dessert, just like first is bath time and then bedtime...

KKS

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 8:40 pm

amother wrote:

I enjoyed reading this for overall policy, but it doesn't help me with desserts which is specifically what I want to know.
It was rosh chodesh today. Wink

I follow Ellyn Satter's approach with my kids as well and have found it to be fabulous. She has guidelines regarding desserts which we have incorporated.
I will serve my kids dessert on shabbos and for special occasions, but not on a regular basis. When I give them dessert, one portion is served together with their meal. And while they can eat as much as they would like of the meal foods, we only do one portion of dessert.

She has an article with some good info on how to approach treats and 'forbidden' foods:
https://www.ellynsatterinstitu.....food/

So yesterday for Rosh Chodesh I served them cookies with supper. I put the cookie on the plate with the chicken, rice and salad. One kid ate it periodically during the meal, one kid ate the entire cookie first and one kid didnt even touch it. I find it really interesting to note how they each do their own thing.

nchr

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 8:48 pm

We have a timer. Everyone can eat as much or as little as they please within that time grame. No rules about dessert. It's available to whoever whenever we have it. My MIL doesnt let the children leave the table if they dont finish supper until bedtime when they can go to sleep, which is a bit much IMO.

Last edited by nchr on Wed, Feb 06 2019, 8:58 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Babypink

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 8:56 pm

We serve dessert only on shabbos or special occasions during the week. In general we avoid food related power struggles. We serve healthy well balanced meals and kids choose how much and what to eat. We dont insist on finishing the plate before serving dessert.

abaker

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 8:57 pm

It's based on circumstance but generally they eat well. There's really only dessert on shabbos. However my rule is "if you aren't hungry for good food, you don't have room for treats." Sometimes we will leave out the plates and the kids can go finish their supper if they are hungry. After dinner they can take fruit or vegetable if they are still hungry. Sometimes I am strict with saying "take x more bites" because I know the kid likes the food, didnt eat their usual amount,and is just trying to be done to run to play.

amother

Aquamarine

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 8:59 pm

I really never monitored what they ate. There was always cereal and milk if they didn’t like dinner. But mostly I made stuff they wanted. I also baked every day before they woke up so they ate “dessert” eveyday. And many goodies on Shabbos. I worked when they were young and for sure I felt that a homemade muffin assuaged my guilt. They turned out to be very good eaters and excellent cooks and bakers.

amother

Magenta

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 9:00 pm

pesek zman wrote:

I’m talking about during the week, when dessert is not typically served. She’s the only one eating ‘dessert’

I understood that, but my question is a different situation where dessert is served and the question is who gets.

amother

Magenta

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 9:01 pm

aliavi wrote:

I'm not at the kiddush in shul to control what they eat there.

Blue jay

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 9:01 pm

Sometimes in my house we eat dessert first! Like ice cream for dinner in the summer time, after we had a big lunch during the day. But this is a rare treat when we go to Carvel ice cream!

Usually we all try our best ( including mom here) to eat the healthy food first and then we enjoy dessert together. No child is given dessert until after they have eaten their dinner. They do not have to clean the plate in order to enjoy dessert.

amother

Magenta

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 9:03 pm

allthingsblue wrote:

If there is dessert (shabbos), my kids only get if they are healthy food beforehand. No matter who else is there.

How do you decide what is considered healthy and how much of it?
What about white challa?

amother

Magenta

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 9:05 pm

amother wrote:

How do you determine what is considered a decent amount? Do they know how much is considered to you to be a decent amount or do they have to check in with you if they ate enough to qualify for moving on to the next course aka dessert?
What if a kid eats very slowly and is not up to dessert when the others are? Do you wait for everyone to finish before serving dessert? Or do you tell that kid he can only have dessert when he finishes eating? What if he's already too full (or lazy or too excited for dessert) to finish eating?

amother

Babypink

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 9:06 pm

amother wrote:

For all of you who answered dessert is only shabbos, do you make them eat the meal in order to get dessert? Does it matter at all what they ate before or does everyone get dessert anyway regardless of what was or wasn't eaten prior?

By the time dessert is served Friday night half my kids are passed out on the couch. Whoever makes it that far is welcome to dessert ( which usually is cut up fruit).

I cant imagine a kid going hungry the entire shabbos meal only to pop up for dessert. My kids like shabbos food. They eat well at the fish and salad course, sometimes skip soup and chicken. Dessert really is an afterthought.

amother

Magenta

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 9:07 pm

KKS wrote:

Fascinating. This could work to serve food with dessert, though not on Shabbos. I'm not serving fish with cake.
I don't agree with her regarding unlimited access to forbidden foods. One of my kids would never stop.

KKS

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 9:10 pm

amother wrote:

Fascinating. This could work, though not on Shabbos. I'm not serving fish with cake.

Agreed. On Shabbos we do dessert after the meal is cleared, not together with the meal.

amother

Gray

Wed, Feb 06 2019, 9:12 pm

Dessert only on Shabbos and I don’t make a big deal about what they eat. I serve everything and then dessert and everyone can eat what they want and how much they want.
I grew up in a house where you have to finish your plate or no dessert and I’m very anti it.
I like making food a non issue in my house.