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Different styles of parnethng

 
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amother




Cyan


Post  Wed, Feb 06 2019, 7:29 pm
My husband is an excellent father and husband. Always playing with the kids, going on trips with them, helping around the house with anything. My main issue is with parenting our kids. I’m more strict than him and they know that he’ll always say yes when I say no. I tell him over and over that when I say no or if he knows I’ll say no and it’s for a good reason, please don’t say yes. He tells me that he didn’t even think, they ask and he automatically says yes. It drives me crazy cuz I’m always the bad one saying no and he’s the fun one who says yes. It makes me so angry and frustrated. We’ve had countless talks about the same thing and he smiles and says I’m on your side. But then the same thing happens again and again. Please help!!!!!!
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amother




Emerald


Post  Wed, Feb 06 2019, 7:33 pm
He's treating you exactly as he does the children. He can't say no. He needs to learn how.

This has little to do with parenting styles. He isn't parenting. He's enabling because he can't disappoint. Maybe he needs to realize how profoundly he is disappointing you.
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yksraya




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Feb 06 2019, 8:03 pm
My kids sometimes go to dh asking for something I said no to. Sometimes he says yes without knowing I already said no. What I do when that happens is, I simply tell dh that it's something I had said no to. He then tells the kid "if mommy said no, it's no" and that's that.

Maybe try asking your dh to do the same. He can very easily tell the kid he was unaware that you said no already.

Kids know which buttons to press and in which areas each parent is weaker.
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amother




Ginger


Post  Wed, Feb 06 2019, 8:37 pm
Before answering either way, you either discuss it with DH (tell kids, I need to discuss it with Tatty), or tell them to ask Tatty what he said. Cause once you say no it needs to stay that way. But how would your DH know that they already asked you? DH can also ask the kids: did you already ask mommy or what does mommy say about it?
Don't rush to answer before discussing with your husband.
The kids also have to know a rule: you cannot ask the other parent for permission once you asked one and received an answer.
This needs to be mutual and the kids will test you until they get what they want.
'You too need to choose your battles' and know when to answer no. Try to say yes whenever possible so that when you need to say no, they shouldn't feel that everything is no when asking mommy.
If you say yes whenever possible, the no will be swallowed better.
But please make sure you're on the same page as DH before answering.
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amother




Ginger


Post  Wed, Feb 06 2019, 8:38 pm
Double post, mistake
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