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Anyone have multiple kids with ADD?
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amother




Blonde


Post  Fri, Feb 08 2019, 8:29 am
OP here. When I think about shidduchim for my kids I think they can marry almost anyone but NO ADD cause atleast then they have a fighting chance on not having all ADD kids. BH my kids have many good qualities but they are ALOT of work. The good news is my ADHD one is sooo polite and hardworking and has the best middos. My inattentive one is the sweetest mushiest love muffin and my youngest also a disorganized mess but the kindest sole you could ever meet.
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amother




Purple


Post  Fri, Feb 08 2019, 8:50 am
amother wrote:
Another Pink, sad to post this but I dreamed of a large family but really feel that having such chaos in my home has made me unable to parent more kids. Hoping to feel different soon but it’s been 8 years since my last child and as of now this is how I feel.

Edited to correct autocorrect! Meant unable not unstable!

Same here....I have 4 kids, and right now I’m just done. And I only have one kid on meds!! My house is super chaotic, and I’m seriously struggling sometimes.
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ectomorph




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Feb 08 2019, 9:24 am
So odd
I feel my adhd gives me an advantage in having a large family. And I stopped taking meds when I got married. I do flylady for the house and empowered wife to work on my marriage.

I'm able to function on very little sleep.

I get more organized the more kids I have. As I'm forced to.

I'm able to handle a lot of chaos and mess.

I found school torturous. But real life has been a welcome change of pace. Maybe I'm just not cut out for a classroom
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ectomorph




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Feb 08 2019, 9:26 am
My kids will all be diagnosed with some form of adhd at some point... I don't sweat it. It's just a brain style.
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amother




Blonde


Post  Fri, Feb 08 2019, 9:52 am
Ectomorph, that’s cause your the mom with ADD I am speaking about having multiple kids with it. If I did have it I am sure I would have more energy for them. As it is I am more of a laid back low energy type so it’s a hard combo! I see how it could work in your advantage for sure!!
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amother




Purple


Post  Fri, Feb 08 2019, 10:15 am
ectomorph wrote:
So odd
I feel my adhd gives me an advantage in having a large family. And I stopped taking meds when I got married. I do flylady for the house and empowered wife to work on my marriage.

I'm able to function on very little sleep.

I get more organized the more kids I have. As I'm forced to.

I'm able to handle a lot of chaos and mess.

I found school torturous. But real life has been a welcome change of pace. Maybe I'm just not cut out for a classroom

I have adhd too, unofficially doagnosed and desperately in need of meds....like I said above, my house is chaotic. Each person is different, and each person deals and copes differently. Also, having it yourself, and mothering multiple kids with it is very different. Do you have any kids with adhd, diagnoses or not?
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amother




Aubergine


Post  Fri, Feb 08 2019, 10:18 am
amother wrote:
OP here. When I think about shidduchim for my kids I think they can marry almost anyone but NO ADD cause atleast then they have a fighting chance on not having all ADD kids. BH my kids have many good qualities but they are ALOT of work. The good news is my ADHD one is sooo polite and hardworking and has the best middos. My inattentive one is the sweetest mushiest love muffin and my youngest also a disorganized mess but the kindest sole you could ever meet.


OP, more than medication, I think that your work with them (and possibly a therapist's, as well) will be to teach them organization strategies. The more they learn in childhood, the better they will cope with increased pressure as an adult.

I have ADD-like traits, and I grew up in a house that was a disorganized mess. That definitely makes me appear more ADD than I would if I had grown up and learn organizational strategies. My brain is actually hardwired to be pretty compartmentalized, but my nurture superseded my nature.
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andrea levy




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Feb 08 2019, 10:19 am
All four of us have been diagnosed although one’s asd is the prevailing dx for him. We have found the incredible gift of how ketosis clears our heads, lowers anxiety and even makes asd son’s tics go away. Daughter in challenging university programme took it on after seeing effects in us. She is normal weight.
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amother




Ruby


Post  Fri, Feb 08 2019, 10:35 am
ectomorph wrote:
So odd
I feel my adhd gives me an advantage in having a large family. And I stopped taking meds when I got married. I do flylady for the house and empowered wife to work on my marriage.

I'm able to function on very little sleep.

I get more organized the more kids I have. As I'm forced to.

I'm able to handle a lot of chaos and mess.

I found school torturous. But real life has been a welcome change of pace. Maybe I'm just not cut out for a classroom


Bully for you. Both me and dh have ADHD as do all our kids, and it's meant we cannot have as large a family as we'd like. I actually loved school and was a perfect straight A student all the way through graduate school, and if I could get paid to keep going to school, that's what I'd do for a living (dh was the more stereotypical brilliant-but-poor-student).

Household management is just completely beyond me. Flylady was useless to me. More kids has not forced me to be more organized, it's just meant more chaos that dh and I struggle to stay on top of. I cannot function on little sleep. That's another reason I have to space my kids, the newborn sleep deprivation kills me. And since so far they all have ADHD, they all have various therapies, medicines, and accommodations at school, which has to be managed on top of the typical things that have to managed, and it all has to be done by two ADHD parents who already struggle with exactly these things. So no, ADHD has not made us into better parents. I don't think we're bad parents, we do all right, and obviously we haven't let it stop us from having kids (and we aren't yet ready to declare ourselves done, we would like to have more, if Hashem grants us the mental strength to do so), but it is probably the biggest reason why the 8+ kid family we've always dreamed of is just never going to happen.
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ectomorph




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Feb 08 2019, 10:36 am
amother wrote:
Ectomorph, that’s cause your the mom with ADD I am speaking about having multiple kids with it. If I did have it I am sure I would have more energy for them. As it is I am more of a laid back low energy type so it’s a hard combo! I see how it could work in your advantage for sure!!

My kids will all be diagnosed w adhd - they have precursors. I just do a lot of reminding and it does help a lot that I understand them and dont get overwhelmed by chaos.
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ectomorph




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Feb 08 2019, 10:37 am
amother wrote:
Bully for you. Both me and dh have ADHD as do all our kids, and it's meant we cannot have as large a family as we'd like. I actually loved school and was a perfect straight A student all the way through graduate school, and if I could get paid to keep going to school, that's what I'd do for a living (dh was the more stereotypical brilliant-but-poor-student).

Household management is just completely beyond me. Flylady was useless to me. More kids has not forced me to be more organized, it's just meant more chaos that dh and I struggle to stay on top of. I cannot function on little sleep. That's another reason I have to space my kids, the newborn sleep deprivation kills me. And since so far they all have ADHD, they all have various therapies, medicines, and accommodations at school, which has to be managed on top of the typical things that have to managed, and it all has to be done by two ADHD parents who already struggle with exactly these things. So no, ADHD has not made us into better parents. I don't think we're bad parents, we do all right, and obviously we haven't let it stop us from having kids (and we aren't yet ready to declare ourselves done, we would like to have more, if Hashem grants us the mental strength to do so), but it is probably the biggest reason why the 8+ kid family we've always dreamed of is just never going to happen.


I'm sure you're a wonderful parent. Not judging anyone. Just providing an alternative view.

Adhd differs between people and its not necessarily a tragedy.
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amother




Periwinkle


Post  Fri, Feb 08 2019, 10:39 am
amother wrote:
Ectomorph, that’s cause your the mom with ADD I am speaking about having multiple kids with it. If I did have it I am sure I would have more energy for them. As it is I am more of a laid back low energy type so it’s a hard combo! I see how it could work in your advantage for sure!!


Me too! I am practically the opposite of an ADHD personality - organized, methodical, laid-back. My husband definitely has undiagnosed ADHD with a strong genetic component (at least two of his sisters and his father most likely have it too), and I always say that G-d knew what He was doing when He gave me IF. I don't think I can handle much more than the blessings that I already have (still have some embryos in the freezer and will iy"H try for one more).

My oldest is a difficult child who's on meds (we're currently tweaking), my second is an angel in school so far b"H but very high-energy and an incessant talker (not going to bother having her diagnosed at this point because it only seems to affect her positively b"H), and even the baby is high-energy!

As a mom who relishes order and quiet, it's very challenging for me to parent this bunch, but it's definitely taught me to be more flexible, to let more things slide, and to find the upside to ADHD on a daily basis. Parenting them is so hard, but it's also so rewarding. And I have to give a shout-out to all the moms on here who have given me priceless perspective on ADHD threads - singling out imasinger here!
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amother




Taupe


Post  Fri, Feb 08 2019, 10:44 am
amother wrote:
Me too! I am practically the opposite of an ADHD personality - organized, methodical, laid-back. My husband definitely has undiagnosed ADHD with a strong genetic component (at least two of his sisters and his father most likely have it too), and I always say that G-d knew what He was doing when He gave me IF. I don't think I can handle much more than the blessings that I already have (still have some embryos in the freezer and will iy"H try for one more).

My oldest is a difficult child who's on meds (we're currently tweaking), my second is an angel in school so far b"H but very high-energy and an incessant talker (not going to bother having her diagnosed at this point because it only seems to affect her positively b"H), and even the baby is high-energy!

As a mom who relishes order and quiet, it's very challenging for me to parent this bunch, but it's definitely taught me to be more flexible, to let more things slide, and to find the upside to ADHD on a daily basis. Parenting them is so hard, but it's also so rewarding. And I have to give a shout-out to all the moms on here who have given me priceless perspective on ADHD threads - singling out imasinger here!


Are you me? Except I didn't deal with IF. I chose to have less kids because of the difficulty raising them and practically by myself because dh doesn't do that much. My oldest is really difficult because it's not just ADHD, it's also OCD that manifests a lot of like ADHD because it's in thoughts. So he doesn't pay attention because he's so hyperfocused on the thought that he has.
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amother




Ruby


Post  Fri, Feb 08 2019, 10:50 am
ectomorph wrote:
I'm sure you're a wonderful parent. Not judging anyone. Just providing an alternative view.

Adhd differs between people and its not necessarily a tragedy.


Thank you, I needed to hear that. Not feeling like such a wonderful parent today, but yeah, like I said, I know we're actually decent parents. I've been feeling a bit down lately, because we very much want to start TTC for another one, but we know we don't have enough of a handle on our existing kids at the moment for that to be doable. And no, we can't rely on having 9 months' warning to shape up, we've gone down that road before and it wasn't good.
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amother




Periwinkle


Post  Fri, Feb 08 2019, 10:51 am
amother wrote:
Are you me? Except I didn't deal with IF. I chose to have less kids because of the difficulty raising them and practically by myself because dh doesn't do that much. My oldest is really difficult because it's not just ADHD, it's also OCD that manifests a lot of like ADHD because it's in thoughts. So he doesn't pay attention because he's so hyperfocused on the thought that he has.


Soul sisters LOL My DH is out of the house for long hours, he commutes and also travels about once a month, so I'm on my own when it comes to appointments and therapy and everything, and it's really hard to do with the other kids around too. I don't know how people with full-time jobs and lots of kids do it. I have a flex-time job from home and my baby is home with me, and I find it really challenging to stay on top of my oldest's needs.

Right now we're in the process of finding a new psychiatrist who will evaluate DS properly to see if we need to treat anxiety or ADHD more, the more therapists we go through the more I think it's anxiety that manifests as ADHD (or it's both) and we need some clarity for meds. He's a brilliant kid and doing much better in school now on low-dose stimulant, but his appetite is poor and the after-school hours are really rough on our whole family.
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amother




Taupe


Post  Fri, Feb 08 2019, 10:58 am
amother wrote:
Soul sisters LOL My DH is out of the house for long hours, he commutes and also travels about once a month, so I'm on my own when it comes to appointments and therapy and everything, and it's really hard to do with the other kids around too. I don't know how people with full-time jobs and lots of kids do it. I have a flex-time job from home and my baby is home with me, and I find it really challenging to stay on top of my oldest's needs.

Right now we're in the process of finding a new psychiatrist who will evaluate DS properly to see if we need to treat anxiety or ADHD more, the more therapists we go through the more I think it's anxiety that manifests as ADHD (or it's both) and we need some clarity for meds. He's a brilliant kid and doing much better in school now on low-dose stimulant, but his appetite is poor and the after-school hours are really rough on our whole family.


Omg same! My oldest started meds and his appetite is so poor and it’s still really hard at home with him. Also brilliant Bh!
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amother




Gold


Post  Fri, Feb 08 2019, 11:00 am
ruby- hugs but it sounds like you are making the right decision.
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Tzutzie




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Feb 08 2019, 11:02 am
As I mentioned before I have multiple siblings with adhd.
And very possibly both my kids have it too. One for sure. (Both different components)

Me being very organized and having a very consistent stable home schedule that I worked out over time is great for the kids.

It is hard. But oh so rewarding.
I sometimes feel like I'm at the end of my rope. But then I start again. And I try again.

I find the hardest to deal with the teachers. I feel like instead of making my child grow, they are squashing her because she doesn't fit into any box. She is learning to read and write but her spirit is being crushed. And then I have to deal with the afteraffects. Punch Crying
I am at the point where I'm not sure keeping her in her class is best. Even if she has to make new friends.

I also have to fight with the school to get her the evaluation she needs thru the boe. So far we haven't gotten it. But they did help in other ways. (I think her teacher is just too "old school" for her)

When the going gets really tough I think about my sisters kids. They are sweet kids. But it's by far not as "fun" raising them as mine are.
Her young toddler loves watching her cook and bake. Mine loved having ME watch THEM cook and bake LOL.
Life is a chaotic and fun around here!
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ectomorph




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Feb 08 2019, 11:09 am
amother wrote:
Thank you, I needed to hear that. Not feeling like such a wonderful parent today, but yeah, like I said, I know we're actually decent parents. I've been feeling a bit down lately, because we very much want to start TTC for another one, but we know we don't have enough of a handle on our existing kids at the moment for that to be doable. And no, we can't rely on having 9 months' warning to shape up, we've gone down that road before and it wasn't good.
I totally get it. You need to do what is right for your family. I was just reacting to the Op of this thread framing adhd as a tragedy. Its definitely a challenge don't get me wrong. But it really depends how it plays out.
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amother




Periwinkle


Post  Fri, Feb 08 2019, 11:11 am
amother wrote:
Omg same! My oldest started meds and his appetite is so poor and it’s still really hard at home with him. Also brilliant Bh!


So nice to have someone in the same boat Very Happy The poor kid has had a rough time in school ever since he was three years old, and now that he's in 5th grade he's finally starting to make progress. Academically he was always fine until last year when the work got harder (and his teacher was a moron), but socially he has always struggled. This year, he's finally getting calls from friends, we're not getting calls from the principal, and we had the first-ever positive parent-teacher conference for him.

My DD, on the other hand, is every teacher's favorite because she's enthusiastic and highly sociable and just all-around adorable, and it's hard on my DS to see that. I'm hoping that this light at the end of the tunnel means we're almost out of the tunnel!

Also, I think he may have a hint of ASD... these kids are so hard to pin down.
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