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amother




Seafoam


Post  Fri, Feb 08 2019, 3:43 am
There is this middle age man never married who I believe has some sort of social issues.

He comes to me for Shabbos often.

He has been commenting lately about the way I serve and what I serve.

He commented that I serve the side dishes and then the main.
I don't know why this gets me so annoyed. He does it at the table in front of all my other guests.
My question is do I just ignore him and just say I am doing a mitzvah or should I not have him over any more. I could say something to him but I am just not interested in going through it with him.
I have a lot of guests all the time and I have put up with a lot but this really annoys me.
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amother




Blonde


Post  Fri, Feb 08 2019, 4:27 am
I would just ignore him. The guest I haven are extremely annoying. I don’t have him for the company I have him because he doesn’t have where to eat and it’s a mitzva.

I mostly tune him out.
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Ruchel




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Feb 08 2019, 4:50 am
Unless he's starving, it's probably not the mitzva as intended etc. I wouldn't have someone spoiling
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essie14




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Feb 08 2019, 5:29 am
I would just ignore him, I've had lots of guests who just say silly things.
When I've had a guest who truly bothers me or my children, we stop having them.
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amother




Aquamarine


Post  Fri, Feb 08 2019, 5:43 am
I would try to channel my inner Henny Machlis and graciously smile and respond to him.
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malki2




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Feb 08 2019, 8:15 am
Ruchel wrote:
Unless he's starving, it's probably not the mitzva as intended etc. I wouldn't have someone spoiling


Really???

The mitzva of hachnasas orchim doesn’t exist unless the person hasn’t eaten in 2 days and is starving?
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camp




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Feb 08 2019, 8:53 am
Aquamarine, I do the same! I have some very trying guests who say way worse then op’s guest. I think of Henny Machlis and it makes me happy to continue the mitzvah.
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Chayalle




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Feb 08 2019, 9:39 am
We've hosted several middle-aged unmarried men over the years, and they have their quirks. The only one we stopped hosting was the one who expressed interest in my then-teen sisters. (He gave us a whole speech about how ridiculous it is that the young girls won't marry the older men, they do this in Ireland supposedly, and it's discrimination....and that's when I put my foot down.)

DH says there but for the grace of Hashem go I....thankfully, Hashem sent us our shidduch, and we have a happy home, and nice Shabbosim together...and they may have their quirks (perhaps it's why some of them are still single) and no woman to influence them otherwise. So we just do the mitzvah as much as we are able (and take breaks when we need them. That's okay too!)
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amother




Orange


Post  Fri, Feb 08 2019, 9:54 am
that sounds like my mother in law! always with the comment. reaaalllly? you're serving this soup? that side dish? we didn't have them over for a while after some nasty comments about my kids, and lately she's been better behaved. Although yesterday they visited at night, and when I yawned, my FIL asked why? So I smiled and said I have 5 kids. So he waved his hand like its nothing and said everyone else has 10. good times.
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amother




Linen


Post  Fri, Feb 08 2019, 9:58 am
No one wants to feel like or to be “a mitzvah”.

-signed, an older single.
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amother




Seashell


Post  Fri, Feb 08 2019, 10:04 am
I know you don't want to, but I'd say something to him. At least this way, he'll know why you stop inviting him, if he does it again.
You can just respond that you're the hostess, and this is what works for you.
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amother




Seafoam


Post  Fri, Feb 08 2019, 10:06 am
Thanks all

I really don't know why it bothers me so much.
He does also express interest in my girls. He once told my 8 yr old son to kiss his sister for him because he is not allowed.
I put a stop to that and my girls go to friends when he comes for a meal.
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Notsobusy




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Feb 08 2019, 10:12 am
amother wrote:
Thanks all

I really don't know why it bothers me so much.
He does also express interest in my girls. He once told my 8 yr old son to kiss his sister for him because he is not allowed.
I put a stop to that and my girls go to friends when he comes for a meal.


Until this post I agreed with everyone who said to grin and bear it. This seems so wrong to me. Kids belong at home for the Shabbos seudos, they don't get kicked out so you can host someone who doesn't have appropriate boundaries.
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Chayalle




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Feb 08 2019, 10:27 am
Notsobusy wrote:
Until this post I agreed with everyone who said to grin and bear it. This seems so wrong to me. Kids belong at home for the Shabbos seudos, they don't get kicked out so you can host someone who doesn't have appropriate boundaries.



This. I won't host company if my kids aren't comfortable. IOW my kids don't get displaced for company.
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Sebastian




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Feb 08 2019, 10:33 am
OP, if he's commenting on your girls, DO NOT HOST HIM. That is so inappropriate.
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momsrus




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Feb 08 2019, 10:39 am
amother wrote:
No one wants to feel like or to be “a mitzvah”.

-signed, an older single.


Don’t act like a jerk and it won’t be just for the mitzva
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momsrus




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Feb 08 2019, 10:40 am
amother wrote:
Thanks all

I really don't know why it bothers me so much.
He does also express interest in my girls. He once told my 8 yr old son to kiss his sister for him because he is not allowed.
I put a stop to that and my girls go to friends when he comes for a meal.


This is another story altogether. I wouldn’t allow him to come.
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amother




Natural


Post  Fri, Feb 08 2019, 10:58 am
My in laws host an old bachelor for the friday night meal for 25 years already, he rarely misses a meal. He comments on the food and gives in an order of what he likes & what MIL should make. This means that he's very comfortable eating there and feels welcome. My in laws would never dream of not letting him come. BUT, I can assure you that if he would ever say something inappropriate about one of the girls, that would be it.
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mommyla




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Feb 08 2019, 11:12 am
amother wrote:
Thanks all

I really don't know why it bothers me so much.
He does also express interest in my girls. He once told my 8 yr old son to kiss his sister for him because he is not allowed.
I put a stop to that and my girls go to friends when he comes for a meal.


That is SO not okay. Time for him to be unwelcome at your house.
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imorethanamother




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Feb 08 2019, 12:00 pm
amother wrote:
I would try to channel my inner Henny Machlis and graciously smile and respond to him.


All these comments about Henny Machlis made me cry. Tzadikim live long after their death - she's inspired generations of women to be better in this mitzvah. Her life of hard work generates so many rewards.
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