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Would you continue to have this guest?
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Notsobusy




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Feb 13 2019, 9:07 am
Op, I just reread your comment that he told your son to kiss his sisters. I wouldn't host this guy when my sons are home either. That's just so inappropriate on so many levels.
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causemommysaid




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Feb 13 2019, 9:25 am
amother wrote:
Thanks all

I really don't know why it bothers me so much.
He does also express interest in my girls. He once told my 8 yr old son to kiss his sister for him because he is not allowed.
I put a stop to that and my girls go to friends when he comes for a meal.


Um that didn't annoy you? I would have never hosted him again after that.

The food thing is minor in comparison.
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amother




Turquoise


Post  Wed, Feb 13 2019, 9:26 am
Op, please consider what message you are sending your children by continuing to host a man who says inappropriate things with s*xual innuendo to your eight year old about your daughters. All the personal safety speeches in the world won't help if there is an example of tolerating such blurred boundaries. It will be so confusing for your kids. The best thing would be to explain to them that you can't have this guest anymore and why.
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causemommysaid




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Feb 13 2019, 9:31 am
naturalmom5 wrote:
I am curious how old these girls are, and what he is saying,,,

I was holding myself back from posting and I know I will get a lot of tomatoes but I need to point out something.
If we are talking about an MO or secular family then , for sure don't invite weirdoes with out boundaries.
However, if we are discussing very Yeshivish people, I refuse to believe that there isn't more to the story. Every single day, I see that holding doors isn't appropriate. carrying packages isn't appropriate, saying Good Morning or Good Shabbos isn't appropriate.
Letting the door slam in my face by someone who could be my son seems to be ok. It seems just being a genteman isn't appropriate.
C, its a case of the boy who cried wolf.


Hu? Blowing in girls ears, telling them how pretty they are, telling a brother to give them a kiss are all inappropriate no matter what community u are in.

If u want to bash yeshivish people just say you hate them. No need to come up with a crazy post that makes no sense.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Feb 13 2019, 10:40 am
OP, why did you mention the salad thing before you mentioned the inappropriate comments to your girls? IMHO, your concerns (or at least your posting order) should be the other way around.

Nobody should ever say anything creepy to children. Period. No second chances, AND let your community rav know your concerns. Don't let him get referred to another innocent family. They might not pick up on the clues until it's too late. You'd never forgive yourself for not warning others.

Someone comments on my cooking? I just smile and say "Yep, that's the way DH likes it." or "I prefer it this way. You're welcome to take what you need." Maybe, if they are nice about it, I'll say "I'll keep that in mind for next time."
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naturalmom5




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Feb 13 2019, 12:21 pm
Thank you, FF. This was precisely what was bothering me.

Context is everything. If he told the 8 yr old brother to kiss his 5 year old sister thats adorable. If he blew in a 4 year old's ear, but otherwise he is totally socially normal, and has a very close relationship with the family, I don't know, I wasn't there. Not enough info was provided to have an opinion.

If the girl is 15;
DON'T WAIT TILL AFTER SHABBOS TO ASK A BUNCH OF CYBER-YENTA, WHAT SHOULD I DO..
THROW HIM OUT ON HIS HEAD, IMMEDIATELY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MEAL...
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Sebastian




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Feb 13 2019, 12:38 pm
naturalmom5 wrote:
Thank you, FF. This was precisely what was bothering me.

Context is everything. If he told the 8 yr old brother to kiss his 5 year old sister thats adorable. If he blew in a 4 year old's ear, but otherwise he is totally socially normal, and has a very close relationship with the family, I don't know, I wasn't there. Not enough info was provided to have an opinion.

If the girl is 15;
DON'T WAIT TILL AFTER SHABBOS TO ASK A BUNCH OF CYBER-YENTA, WHAT SHOULD I DO..
THROW HIM OUT ON HIS HEAD, IMMEDIATELY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MEAL...


if she sends the girls away for Shabbos, they're older than 4 or 5.
And it's not adorable to tell a little boy to kiss a his sister "because I want to and I can't" that's creepy no matter how old the girl is. Sorry your creepy o meter is broken. Blowing in a girl's ear no matter how young is also inappropriate.
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Chayalle




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Feb 13 2019, 1:45 pm
Sebastian wrote:
if she sends the girls away for Shabbos, they're older than 4 or 5.
And it's not adorable to tell a little boy to kiss a his sister "because I want to and I can't" that's creepy no matter how old the girl is. Sorry your creepy o meter is broken. Blowing in a girl's ear no matter how young is also inappropriate.


This. I don't know any RW YESHIVISH people who wouldn't consider that to be inappropriate.

I also find the "give a kiss" coming from an older man to be creepy. He's not the child's grandfather or uncle, for goodness sake.
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naturalmom5




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Feb 13 2019, 2:46 pm
Chayalle wrote:
This. I don't know any RW YESHIVISH people who wouldn't consider that to be inappropriate.

I also find the "give a kiss" coming from an older man to be creepy. He's not the child's grandfather or uncle, for goodness sake.


If this is true, then why wasn't this mentioned at all in the OP..

Just something about how she serves side-dishes...'

Something SERIOUSLY does not add up here...

I'm reporting this thread...
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Chayalle




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Feb 13 2019, 4:04 pm
naturalmom5 wrote:
If this is true, then why wasn't this mentioned at all in the OP..

Just something about how she serves side-dishes...'

Something SERIOUSLY does not add up here...

I'm reporting this thread...


I don't know why this would be less concerning to the OP - like I said, this would be the biggest issue for me. All I can say is, maybe she started this post with a niggling feeling and by expressing herself, she got to the crux of the issue.

It also surprises me that people would think Hachnasas Orchim would come at the expense of their own kids. I think there's alot of misguided priorities there.
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