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amother




Burlywood


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 10:00 am
Has anyone tested their preschooler to see if they are gifted? Did it help you in a Jewish school? My daughter appears to be above average intelligence, and she questions everything around her including authority. She seems to check off all the boxes of being gifted and I'm wondering if getting her tested will help the teachers understand the positives and negatives of what it means to be gifted. Also who does the testing and how much does it usually cost?
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amother




Pumpkin


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 10:12 am
amother wrote:
Has anyone tested their preschooler to see if they are gifted? Did it help you in a Jewish school? My daughter appears to be above average intelligence, and she questions everything around her including authority. She seems to check off all the boxes of being gifted and I'm wondering if getting her tested will help the teachers understand the positives and negatives of what it means to be gifted. Also who does the testing and how much does it usually cost?


How old is she?

Also - you testing your child for giftedness will not help her teachers understand how to educate a gifted child.
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amother




Burlywood


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 10:14 am
amother wrote:
How old is she?

Also - you testing your child for giftedness will not help her teachers understand how to educate a gifted child.


She is 5. I know testing her won't help them, but then I can say she is gifted and give them information about it. Now when I try to explain to them why she might be acting the way she is they just look at me like I'm crazy.
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chicco




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 10:18 am
It is generally thousands of dollars to test and doesn't necessarily tell you anything you don't already know. It also will not help the teachers with anything. The advantage of testing is if there is a problem you are trying to diagnose and/or with gaining eligibility to special schools or programs.

If you plan to keep your child in regular school and are simply looking for "proof," it's a waste of money. If your child is that bright, testing is kind of moot. People will know without the test.
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amother




Burlywood


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 10:21 am
I'm having an issue with them pushing her to be typical and fit in better. They refuse to embrace her the way she is. Does anyone have experience with this and tips on how to navigate it better?
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amother




White


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 10:28 am
amother wrote:
I'm having an issue with them pushing her to be typical and fit in better. They refuse to embrace her the way she is. Does anyone have experience with this and tips on how to navigate it better?


Hate to say this, but the testing may work against you. It may be confirmation for hen that she doesn't fit and they can't serve her.

Gifted kids do need to learn to fit better. I don't know if she has any social issues specifically, but being able to get along with the non-gifted is a life skill. Of course, she needs to be challenged. The school may be more on board with an approach that's a combo of both.
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chicco




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 10:28 am
What are they saying to you? What would they like to see different?

It seems to me, that if the school is unwilling to work with her, or any other student that isn't just like everyone else, it may not be the best fit for her. Look for a school that tries to reach students where they are.

I think it is important for you to also understand that even if your child is gifted and that is why she has certain behavior patterns, it is not simply an excuse. It is great to know why she may be inclined to react or behave certain ways, but she also needs to learn to be respectful and to listen to authority and to not always think she is right, or what ever typical gifted behaviors she has. A good teacher will appreciate where she is coming from and work with her, not just simply excuse behavior because she is gifted.

Hatzlacha!
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amother




White


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 10:32 am
Quick tip: Get her a small notebook to use as a question book. Set it up with the school so she can always have it and use it. Whenever she has a question, whether it's "Why is the sky blue?" or "Why do we have to sit in a circle at circle time?", she writes it down. She can ask you some at home, and you can arrange with school that maybe the teacher makes a time when she can ask one in school.
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amother




Crimson


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 10:33 am
amother wrote:
I'm having an issue with them pushing her to be typical and fit in better. They refuse to embrace her the way she is. Does anyone have experience with this and tips on how to navigate it better?



Can you give some examples of how they are pushing her to be typical?
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amother




Aqua


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 10:37 am
amother wrote:
I'm having an issue with them pushing her to be typical and fit in better. They refuse to embrace her the way she is. Does anyone have experience with this and tips on how to navigate it better?


Ah. Been there, from the student's side. Welcome to hell.

My advice:
1) don't tell her she's gifted/"smarter than everyone else." Teach her that the best people are people whom act with kindness, and if she notices she's smart, then tell her it's a tool Hashem gave her to help her be kind to others.
2)Don't take her out of class for special programming - if her classmates think she's getting special treatment, then the bullying she'll experience will be merciless and relentless.

Do:
Give her books or an activity which she can quietly do at her desk once she has finished her schoolwork, and have the teacher in on the plan so she doesn't punish her.


Behatzlacha!
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amother




Pumpkin


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 10:38 am
amother wrote:
She is 5. I know testing her won't help them, but then I can say she is gifted and give them information about it. Now when I try to explain to them why she might be acting the way she is they just look at me like I'm crazy.


5 is an appropriate age for testing.

I wouldn't attempt to teach the teachers.

You get the results - go the administration of the school and ask "Can your school accommodate my child" - and then ask how.

If you aren't satisfied - switch schools.
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amother




Gray


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 10:43 am
Children who can't follow classroom rules because of questioning authority need to be taught to do so, regardless of gifted status. If they're finding her behavior challenging, you'll have to work on the behavior. And explain to them what works for you, so they can try the same methods in the classroom. There is a minimum expectation of classroom functioning for all students, no matter what testing shows about them.
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amother




Burlywood


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 10:47 am
She follows the routine well, and does very well socially. If the routine changes suddenly she'll ask questions about it, and they see this as being defiant. They keep telling me she stands out too much and needs to go with the flow. Ways she stands out, she is a deep thinker and when she is lost in thought they see it as sadness or withdrawal. She has a vivid imagination and they think the stories she shares aren't normal. When I question her about them she says, don't they know it's all pretend. If an activity is dragging out she gets bored and she'll either zone out lost in thought or walk around aimlessly looking for something else to do. None of these things disturb the class but they annoy the teachers and they question her or argue with her about them and then it always escalates and my daughter ends up in trouble for sticking to her guns. So obviously we are working on all that, but she came home the other day and said, that's it I don't care I'm just not going to let what they say bother me, or I don't care if they punish me and things like that. So I'm concerned because she seems to think hiding herself and not caring is the way to get through school. We have considered switching schools but not sure it will work out.
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amother




Burlywood


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 10:48 am
The reason I was thinking of testing is because they are coming up with reasons she is different and I would rather they not come up with a negative label and stick it to her.
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amother




Gray


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 10:54 am
amother wrote:
The reason I was thinking of testing is because they are coming up with reasons she is different and I would rather they not come up with a negative label and stick it to her.


It doesn't sound like they're looking for a label, it sounds like they're trying to understand her. Calling her gifted won't help them understand what appears to be challenging behaviors either. The more you can educate them on how her brain works the better off everyone will be. What are the punishing her for?
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amother




Gray


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 10:55 am
Also, how is she doing socially? Kids who aren't doing well socially are often unhappy in school.
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amother




Indigo


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 10:56 am
I can write a book about this topic. I'm posting as amother because, as a mother of gifted children (tested and confirmed), I've spoken about this irl a lot. Being gifted does not excuse poor behavior or disrespect. Gifted children do NOT have the same "special needs" just like a child with autism or any other delay, and you should not expect her to school to bend over backward to accommodate her like they would for a child with special needs. A gifted child that questions everything around her should be taught that questioning authority may be perceived as disrespect in a school setting, and even in a workplace. She should come home and ask you her questions about why the teacher makes her do this and that. It's about social norms and about functioning in society among normal people. Sometimes young parents think it's cool that their child is gifted and chalk up his/her antics to him/her being gifted. They are doing their child a major disservice. No matter how gifted she is, you (hopefully) want her to have friends, be well-liked by her teachers and peers, and at the same time have her needs met. That last part is up to you. I'm not familiar with day schools, but if your daughter is in a mainstream chassidish or BY-type school don't waste your breath. Testing my kids cost thousands of dollars and proved to be unnecessary. The BOE won't fund a class for gifted children unless you can prove a certain percentage of children in the school needs it, by having their parents get them tested. Good luck with that.

The bottom line is that your child shouldn't be allowed to be disruptive due to these needs. You can talk to her teachers about challenging her more but they are likely already doing their best. They are not required nor should they be expected to put up with misbehavior. You can challenge her at home and use books, computers, and other technology to advance her learning and satisfy her curiosity. I know from years of experience that the world at large won't be making excuses for her and you doing so will only hurt her several years down the line.
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amother




Coffee


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 10:58 am
amother wrote:
She follows the routine well, and does very well socially. If the routine changes suddenly she'll ask questions about it, and they see this as being defiant. They keep telling me she stands out too much and needs to go with the flow. Ways she stands out, she is a deep thinker and when she is lost in thought they see it as sadness or withdrawal. She has a vivid imagination and they think the stories she shares aren't normal. When I question her about them she says, don't they know it's all pretend. If an activity is dragging out she gets bored and she'll either zone out lost in thought or walk around aimlessly looking for something else to do. None of these things disturb the class but they annoy the teachers and they question her or argue with her about them and then it always escalates and my daughter ends up in trouble for sticking to her guns. So obviously we are working on all that, but she came home the other day and said, that's it I don't care I'm just not going to let what they say bother me, or I don't care if they punish me and things like that. So I'm concerned because she seems to think hiding herself and not caring is the way to get through school. We have considered switching schools but not sure it will work out.


It's very disturbing to the class when one child is walking around and does not have to sit at her seat.
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amother




Burlywood


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 11:02 am
Based on the conversations I've had they are not trying to understand her. In fact they already labeled her multiple things and I had to point out how the label didn't make sense. They are insistent we force her to change, and btw they are super vague about their complaints and I only get information by pulling teeth. I even had her observed in class at my cost and the evaluator said she is doing great in school and she doesn't see any problems.
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amother




Burlywood


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 11:03 am
amother wrote:
It's very disturbing to the class when one child is walking around and does not have to sit at her seat.


She only walks around during free activities but they prefer kids stick to one area. It's not really disturbing because everyone is moving around. She just doesn't go to a specific activity because she has done all of them and is now bored.
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