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Pros and cons of feeding kids a lot of information
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amother




Jade


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 4:44 pm
I spent shabbos with a relative this past week and I noticed she feeds her kids an insane amount of information. Almost unnecessary information. Examples would be - she got a new wig, her 10 and 8 year told daughter know what brand it is, what the words highlighting, lowlighting and ashy mean. Her kids know my tenants names and they ask me how are the kleins? She talks to them a ton and anything kosher is up for discussion .
I'm not like this at all. My mom wasn't like this. I didn't know the terms "brand name" "designer" until 9th grade 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ and I wasnt in hs 30 years ago. I'm only in my 20s!!! There was a certain innocence to my childhood and I'm happy I didn't know a lot ... but am I handicapping my daughter by being like my mom? This relative asked my 4 year old daughter- which school are u going to next year, will you have a uniform, how does it look / what color is it? Will u take a bus? Will u have school lunches ? I was watching my daughter while this was happening and she was just sitting there with her mouth hanging open. She maybe had an answer for 1 out of every 10 questions being thrown her way . Funny thing is this relative loves children and I think she thought she was just being cute and friendly but I felt so bad for my child I just wanted to tear her away from the conversation ...
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amother




Cyan


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 4:46 pm
She probably started because her kids were asking lots of questions. Some kids are like that. If your dd doesn't seem to care, share as much as you want.
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ectomorph




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 4:54 pm
You're both excellent parents. Let your childs needs drive you
Some kids are overwhelmed by that and some kids demand it
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pause




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 5:18 pm
The person in your OP sounds yentish. There's nothing wrong with knowledge, but information about others or about future plans, that's not in the same league. I explain to my kids how things work, or why we do certain things.

The rest is miscellaneous and if they ask, I might answer depending on the question or if the information is something that should remain private.
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amother




Jade


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 5:48 pm
ectomorph wrote:
You're both excellent parents. Let your childs needs drive you
Some kids are overwhelmed by that and some kids demand it


Awww that's really the sweetest thing . Thank you for saying that ! 😘
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amother




Jade


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 5:51 pm
pause wrote:
The person in your OP sounds yentish. There's nothing wrong with knowledge, but information about others or about future plans, that's not in the same league. I explain to my kids how things work, or why we do certain things.

The rest is miscellaneous and if they ask, I might answer depending on the question or if the information is something that should remain private.


She happens to be a yenta but this wasnt exactly juicy information LOL
My mom would tell us all the time "that's not your business" . I would never tell that to her child within ear reach of her because that's not something to tell a child in her book... its annoying for other adults thou when children are in on the adult conversations asking questions etc .. diff strokes for diff folks I guess
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renslet




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 6:10 pm
I think it depends on personality and a lot on culture/country.
I live in Brazil, the difference in boundaries between here and where I grew up (London) is staggering.
I find that it's important to teach kids the difference between a yentish question and a curious one.
Eg, when I get off the phone "who was it" - is none of their business, or things like that.
I do however try to the best of my ability to answer (in my opinion) legit questions, I don't lie or change the subject but try to give an age appropriate response.
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pause




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 6:13 pm
amother wrote:
She happens to be a yenta but this wasnt exactly juicy information LOL
My mom would tell us all the time "that's not your business" . I would never tell that to her child within ear reach of her because that's not something to tell a child in her book... its annoying for other adults thou when children are in on the adult conversations asking questions etc .. diff strokes for diff folks I guess

OK, so there you go. Yenta mother raising yenta kids.
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amother




Jade


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 6:17 pm
renslet wrote:
I think it depends on personality and a lot on culture/country.
I live in Brazil, the difference in boundaries between here and where I grew up (London) is staggering.
I find that it's important to teach kids the difference between a yentish question and a curious one.
Eg, when I get off the phone "who was it" - is none of their business, or things like that.
I do however try to the best of my ability to answer (in my opinion) legit questions, I don't lie or change the subject but try to give an age appropriate response.


You sound like an amazing mom !
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flowerpower




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 7:15 pm
I am all for kids being educated and having a lot of knowledge but these categories are not what I have in mind. They don’t have to know all this information in order to get smarter. Sounds extremely yentish and unnecessary.
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amother




Dodgerblue


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 7:45 pm
Omg my SIL is like this. So is her mother, and naturally all of her kids! It drives me nuts when her 3 year old has to be in on all the “hock” and when the kids get their noses into adult conversations. My kids are nosy too lol but I don’t encourage them!!
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amother




Honeydew


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 7:51 pm
I remember all the times that my mother sat down with me while I was eating supper and told me all about her day. I felt so good!
No need to bash. Just different parenting styles.
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amother




Jade


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 7:58 pm
Thanks everyone for weighing in. So I guess I'm curious - you tell your kid you bought a new wig , or your kid sees it and asks "mom what type of wig is that" there are the moms who would tell mom who would say it doesn't matter, it's none of your business ...
Is there anything to gain or lose either way ? Or just different styles and do what suits u?
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renslet




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 8:09 pm
In all my years of parenting, babysitting and teaching, I have never met a young child who on their own asked "what type of wig is it?"
It's coming from the culture in the home, either the mother details everything or the aunt, grandmother or older sister constantly asks questions like this.
Personally, it's not my style, I don't think 5 year olds should be telling me that their shoes are Italian, or their backpack is the best in the store. Let's kids be kids. But again, my preference.
I sometimes feel that it's almost like these mother's have something to prove, that their kid knows who is pregnant before everyone and who their teacher's kid is engaged to.
It all starts harmless and then can get really intrusive.
BTW, telling your kids about your day, to me doesn't fall into the same category. Unless you are yenting about people who you shared the day with.
But again, it really is cultural. To some people it's completely normal and how they grew up, so it's not even an issue.
To each their own.
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amother




Coffee


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 8:40 pm
I answer questions my children ask, but there are some questions they wouldn’t even think to ask. They would comment on a new wig, but they don’t have the awareness to ask what brand it is. It’s not even on their radar.

They do happen to know a lot about makeup, because I own a decent amount and they like to watch me put it on. So they’re always asking me, “What’s that for? What does that do?” And then they pretend to put on their own makeup. They are clueless about brands, though.

I think it has a lot to do with exposure. If things are frequently discussed in the home, like different brands, then the kids will pick up on it and comment about it.
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amother




Honeydew


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 8:42 pm
amother wrote:
Thanks everyone for weighing in. So I guess I'm curious - you tell your kid you bought a new wig , or your kid sees it and asks "mom what type of wig is that" there are the moms who would tell mom who would say it doesn't matter, it's none of your business ...
Is there anything to gain or lose either way ? Or just different styles and do what suits u?


I would tell my kids I got a new wig. I wouldn’t tell them which brand because it wouldn’t mean anything to them but I share things with them... they’re my kids!
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zaq




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 8:44 pm
There’s nothing wrong with either style of parenting.
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amother




Teal


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 8:46 pm
amother wrote:
I answer questions my children ask, but there are some questions they wouldn’t even think to ask. They would comment on a new wig, but they don’t have the awareness to ask what brand it is. It’s not even on their radar.

They do happen to know a lot about makeup, because I own a decent amount and they like to watch me put it on. So they’re always asking me, “What’s that for? What does that do?” And then they pretend to put on their own makeup. They are clueless about brands, though.

I think it has a lot to do with exposure. If things are frequently discussed in the home, like different brands, then the kids will pick up on it and comment about it.


We frequently discuss science subjects and geography so my kids ask questions about science, locations and maps. None of them have a clue about what type of make-up I use. I am happy that way.
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amother




Coffee


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 8:51 pm
amother wrote:
We frequently discuss science subjects and geography so my kids ask questions about science, locations and maps. None of them have a clue about what type of make-up I use. I am happy that way.


My kids and I have discussions on a range of topics, as well. I did not sit down and give them a course on makeup. They come into my room while I’m applying it and ask questions. So I answer them. If I was frequently baking (I’m not), my kids would probably know a lot on that subject. There’s nothing wrong with satisfying their curiosity, within reason.
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Ravenclaw




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 9:06 pm
renslet wrote:
In all my years of parenting, babysitting and teaching, I have never met a young child who on their own asked "what type of wig is it?"
It's coming from the culture in the home, either the mother details everything or the aunt, grandmother or older sister constantly asks questions like this.
Personally, it's not my style, I don't think 5 year olds should be telling me that their shoes are Italian, or their backpack is the best in the store. Let's kids be kids. But again, my preference.
I sometimes feel that it's almost like these mother's have something to prove, that their kid knows who is pregnant before everyone and who their teacher's kid is engaged to.
It all starts harmless and then can get really intrusive.
BTW, telling your kids about your day, to me doesn't fall into the same category. Unless you are yenting about people who you shared the day with.
But again, it really is cultural. To some people it's completely normal and how they grew up, so it's not even an issue.
To each their own.


When I opened this thread I thought, “this is me.” But after reading the opening post I saw it wasn’t at all.
Some parents don’t talk much to their kids.
Some do.
Now if you do, there’s the question of what do you talk about. I talk a lot to my kids, but not about brands or Italian shoes (for goodness sake, I don’t even know where my shoes were made—where are Payless shoes manufactured?). My kids do have a lot of information though about science, politics, history, Yiddishkeit... too much information you might argue. But my point is that there are two points here that people are conflating. A) how much information should kids have in general B) what kind of information should kids be given?
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