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Pros and cons of feeding kids a lot of information
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Ravenclaw




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 9:08 pm
Also—
I do think that if a kid asks a question and the answer isn’t inappropriate, they should be given an answer.
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tweety1




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 9:15 pm
I have a neighbor the exact same way. Her theory is if you treat you're kids like adults they'll mature faster. She tells them EVERYTHING. when she rents her apt for yt the kids know how much $ she's getting, and what they'll use the money for. When she's first trimester kids know Mommy has a stomachache and it'll go away in abt 3-4 months. How do I know know all of this?? Cuz her kid's are "so mature" that they repeat everything. Lol. My hub already told her hub, but it didn't seem to change.
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amother




Coffee


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 9:23 pm
tweety1 wrote:
I have a neighbor the exact same way. Her theory is if you treat you're kids like adults they'll mature faster. She tells them EVERYTHING. when she rents her apt for yt the kids know how much $ she's getting, and what they'll use the money for. When she's first trimester kids know Mommy has a stomachache and it'll go away in abt 3-4 months. How do I know know all of this?? Cuz her kid's are "so mature" that they repeat everything. Lol. My hub already told her hub, but it didn't seem to change.


Lol I don't tell my kids anything like this. They think they can buy a house for $100.
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daughterofgod




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 9:45 pm
It’s not about the topics you discuss . The question posted is whether feeding information has any benefit or not.
It’s a question that I’ve wondered about for quite some time. My 3 year old is always asking questions and being that I never got answers when I asked, I do give her all the answers. Whether its about ingredients in food or about states. Police cars or how fire trucks are manufactured.
I always wondered if I’m doing something wrong by just giving him too much information. As simple as you try to keep things, those type of children need to understand it all. So a simple “when will my new game arrive “ answer don’t suffice. Is it the still in the store? DId you UPS pick it up yet? And I can give her names of states the box is currently showing on UPS tracking site. Etc...Why did the factory make a small box on this side but not on that side? Do apples grow on trees like tomatoes or like oranges etc...
My three year old can rattle of every type of fish and its name simply because she asked me a lot about fish when she was two and I just got one of those books that we kept reading so she knows it better than high schoolers.
It’s not that I want her to know all that, it’s just that I find it easier to answer honestly then to downplay it or childishsize the answer.

So I’m wondering like the OP, in your experience, which is better.
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amother




Cyan


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 9:49 pm
daughterofgod wrote:
It’s not about the topics you discuss . The question posted is whether feeding information has any benefit or not.
It’s a question that I’ve wondered about for quite some time. My 3 year old is always asking questions and being that I never got answers when I asked, I do give her all the answers. Whether its about ingredients in food or about states. Police cars or how fire trucks are manufactured.
I always wondered if I’m doing something wrong by just giving him too much information. As simple as you try to keep things, those type of children need to understand it all. So a simple “when will my new game arrive “ answer don’t suffice. Is it the still in the store? DId you UPS pick it up yet? And I can give her names of states the box is currently showing on UPS tracking site. Etc...Why did the factory make a small box on this side but not on that side? Do apples grow on trees like tomatoes or like oranges etc...
My three year old can rattle of every type of fish and its name simply because she asked me a lot about fish when she was two and I just got one of those books that we kept reading so she knows it better than high schoolers.
It’s not that I want her to know all that, it’s just that I find it easier to answer honestly then to downplay it or childishsize the answer.

So I’m wondering like the OP, in your experience, which is better.


I'm not understanding what you think the downside is to answering her questions fully. Do you not value knowledge?
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pause




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 10:03 pm
Of course it matters if it's knowledge or random yenta tidbits!
My kids have a gazillion questions. Questions about science, history, weather, math all get answered to the best of my ability. And if I don't know the answer, I tell them what a great question it is, I've never wondered about that, and we will try to find a book in the library on that topic.

But when it comes to random yentish matters, mostly my kids don't ask such questions. I would definitely not offer information such as how much money I made renting out my apartment, and I doubt they'd ask something like that. My kids could ask how much a new item cost, and depending on the item, I will decide if I should answer the price or something more vague like "a lot." One of my kids wanted to know how much DH earns. No, DC did not get a specific answer to that. More like: "It's not something that you need to know right now."
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bigsis144




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 10:20 pm
I am so grateful to my mother (a librarian) for the constant diet of information!

We learned the names of all the trees and flowers on the wall to shul (not just oak and maple but ficus benjamina, jacaranda, bougainvillea, yucca...).

She sang us songs from the 1930s and 1950s that my Bubby had sung, and we laughed when my mother conducted the symphonies that played on the radio - and I was the only high schooler in my class who could name more than just Mozart and Beethoven as composers.

She just talks, all the time - about the constellations, about breeds of dogs, about accents and foods and clothing from all over the world - and it just soaked our brains in information!

I’m not saying this to brag - I mean to show how my mother’s joy in learning and knowing about a zillion subjects made me a curious and enthusiastic learner as well.

I always get told my kids have an amazing vocabulary and know random facts - and that’s because I never talk down to them. I don’t specifically treat them like *adults*, but I can’t imagine what a “simple, uncomplicated” childhood would look like?? It’s so foreign to me??
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pause




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 10:27 pm
bigsis144 wrote:
I am so grateful to my mother (a librarian) for the constant diet of information!

We learned the names of all the trees and flowers on the wall to shul (not just oak and maple but ficus benjamina, jacaranda, bougainvillea, yucca...).

She sang us songs from the 1930s and 1950s that my Bubby had sung, and we laughed when my mother conducted the symphonies that played on the radio - and I was the only high schooler in my class who could name more than just Mozart and Beethoven as composers.

She just talks, all the time - about the constellations, about breeds of dogs, about accents and foods and clothing from all over the world - and it just soaked our brains in information!

I’m not saying this to brag - I mean to show how my mother’s joy in learning and knowing about a zillion subjects made me a curious and enthusiastic learner as well.

I always get told my kids have an amazing vocabulary and know random facts - and that’s because I never talk down to them. I don’t specifically treat them like *adults*, but I can’t imagine what a “simple, uncomplicated” childhood would look like?? It’s so foreign to me??

This is truly wonderful! But would your kids know who your neighbors' tenants are? If next year they're gonna wear a uniform and what it looks like? What brand sheitel you wear?

The examples OP gave are not in the same category that you gave.
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amother




Honeydew


Post  Sun, Feb 10 2019, 10:34 pm
pause wrote:
This is truly wonderful! But would your kids know who your neighbors' tenants are? If next year they're gonna wear a uniform and what it looks like? What brand sheitel you wear?

The examples OP gave are not in the same category that you gave.


My kids know that next year they will wear a uniform- why not???
My neighbors tenants are their neighbors too so they know.
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renslet




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Feb 11 2019, 3:47 am
I think that information about trees, animals, Yiddishkeit or whatever the child or mother is interested in is a wonderful thing.
I don't like when children are given information about people or things that is yentish or such.
I've had a student tell me that her neighbor is pregnant ( way before anyone could tell), I've had students tell me details about shidduchim that adults not personally involved would not think was their business.
And yes, knowing what brand shaitel or eye shadow you use or how much money you have ( or don't have) is so not age appropriate IMHO.
I hate when I'm sitting with one of my friends and she stops the conversation to explain what we are talking about to her four year old, even worse is when the girl will come up to my husband or myself and ask questions based on info that she only knows because another adult told her, my own kids half the time don't know.
This is not book knowledge, I value that tremendously, this is a different category.
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essie14




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Feb 11 2019, 8:23 am
I don't answer yentish questions, but I will answer any other question.

I'm also not a believer in saying "that is none of your business" unless it really is.
If my child asked me how much money I make, I would say "that's not something we discuss".
My kids are not yentish so I can't imagine one of them asking what brand something that I bought is, but I would probably answer "why is that important to you?"
If my kids asked me something very personal, I would probably say "that is something private that I don't wish to discuss with you" or "this is not a discussion for now"
But basically every subject is fair game in our house. I want my kids to come to us with their questions and not feel like we blow them off.
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amother




Coffee


Post  Mon, Feb 11 2019, 8:23 am
renslet wrote:
I think that information about trees, animals, Yiddishkeit or whatever the child or mother is interested in is a wonderful thing.
I don't like when children are given information about people or things that is yentish or such.
I've had a student tell me that her neighbor is pregnant ( way before anyone could tell), I've had students tell me details about shidduchim that adults not personally involved would not think was their business.
And yes, knowing what brand shaitel or eye shadow you use or how much money you have ( or don't have) is so not age appropriate IMHO.
I hate when I'm sitting with one of my friends and she stops the conversation to explain what we are talking about to her four year old, even worse is when the girl will come up to my husband or myself and ask questions based on info that she only knows because another adult told her, my own kids half the time don't know.
This is not book knowledge, I value that tremendously, this is a different category.


I agree. You don’t need to fill in your kids on all the “hock.” They have no need to know. But if they would approach me with a specific question, I would try my best to answer honestly and appropriately.
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amother




Jade


Post  Mon, Feb 11 2019, 8:36 am
amother wrote:
My kids know that next year they will wear a uniform- why not???
My neighbors tenants are their neighbors too so they know.


So yes she knows she is going to a new school but she doesnt know all of the details because I was thinking to tell her specifics a week or so before school starts. There is a strong possibility of her worrying about details of the big change so I didnt feel the need to stress her out with the details.
But here's another example that wouldn't stress her out - I didnt tell her more than a week before I was due to give birth and I would probably go the same again as long as I can get away with it. Its a longgggg wait and she gains nothing knowing the information earlier. People who share (overshare...?) Are the classic people who walk over to children and say are u excited for the baby? What is your mommy having? (as if my kid would ever know) . I was constantly shutting these people up last time around but she was younger then. Will certainly be a struggle next time ...
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amother




Coffee


Post  Mon, Feb 11 2019, 8:42 am
amother wrote:
So yes she knows she is going to a new school but she doesnt know all of the details because I was thinking to tell her specifics a week or so before school starts. There is a strong possibility of her worrying about details of the big change so I didnt feel the need to stress her out with the details.
But here's another example that wouldn't stress her out - I didnt tell her more than a week before I was due to give birth and I would probably go the same again as long as I can get away with it. Its a longgggg wait and she gains nothing knowing the information earlier. People who share (overshare...?) Are the classic people who walk over to children and say are u excited for the baby? What is your mommy having? (as if my kid would ever know) . I was constantly shutting these people up last time around but she was younger then. Will certainly be a struggle next time ...


I think this really depends on the age and awareness of the child. When my daughter was under 3, I didn’t tell her until pretty close to when I was due. She wouldn’t have realized on her own. This past time she was 6 and much more aware. She even commented to me early on that it looked like I had a baby in my tummy, because it was getting bigger (she is aware of this concept).

When I was telling other family members and I knew they would be discussing it with me around her, I thought it would only be fair to tell her. I wanted her to hear it straight from me and not from picking up on clues and comments.
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renslet




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Feb 11 2019, 10:00 am
I agree with telling your kids that you are pregnant in advance. It's an exciting, happy occasion and I want to include them, not make them wonder, guess or hear from someone else.
I find that 3 or under don't really understand but I tell them anyway and then keep on reminding them that a baby is coming.
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amother




Jade


Post  Mon, Feb 11 2019, 10:03 am
Obviously you know yourself and your child as do I. She isnt a very patient kid and I'll probably just get annoyed with her knowing and asking every single day. She can barely hold out when we make a chart for a week. Shell wake me every morn at 6 and say is it shabbos yet?
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renslet




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Feb 11 2019, 10:14 am
True, some kids are just not ready for it.
It's just that for me, I really want to be the one to tell them and not find out from someone else.
But 100%, each child and parent is different and what irritates me might be really cute to someone else.
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tigerwife




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Feb 11 2019, 10:29 am
I wouldn’t compare knowing what ashy highlights are to salaries. Knowledge is power. At the same time, you can train your children to be discreet and not need to nose into other people’s business. They will most likely follow your example in how you conduct conversations in any case. It makes me so happy when my toddler asks so many questions about how things work and why they do whatever. She has a fertile, thinking mind. Oh, and as a child I would have hated the answer “That’s for adults to know”; I would have just made sure to find out on my own somehow.
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amother




Crimson


Post  Mon, Feb 11 2019, 11:38 am
Not OP but also wondering
So in other words you all agree that feeding too much information to little kids is not damaging? It’s not too much for their little brains to hold?
As long as its knowledge in nature and not yentish of course.
I was unsure about this because my 4 yr old seems to know a lot because he is around adults all day (only child) and just talks facts related to science and geography like a 9 year old. And yes he knows the name of the school he will iyh he going to. He also knows that Hashem watches over our future babies and you don’t pick them up from the hospital... (he just a wants to understands how baby gets from Hashem to mommy’s hands) People always give me the stares when he starts talking.
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essie14




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Feb 11 2019, 11:54 am
amother wrote:
Not OP but also wondering
So in other words you all agree that feeding too much information to little kids is not damaging? It’s not too much for their little brains to hold?
As long as its knowledge in nature and not yentish of course.
I was unsure about this because my 4 yr old seems to know a lot because he is around adults all day (only child) and just talks facts related to science and geography like a 9 year old. And yes he knows the name of the school he will iyh he going to. He also knows that Hashem watches over our future babies and you don’t pick them up from the hospital... (he just a wants to understands how baby gets from Hashem to mommy’s hands) People always give me the stares when he starts talking.

He sounds like a great, inquisitive boy who loves to learn.
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