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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Giving Gifts
amother
Seagreen
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Wed, Feb 13 2019, 2:07 pm
I have bH a number of children. After the birth of my last one, I felt some people were truly amazing! I received a decent amount of gifts, people offered for some of my kids to come play, people sent me food for yom tov, also for the last days after I said I had enough for the first, etc.
My strong point in being giving and generous.
I realized that I would love to help people after babies if I am able.
Anyhow, I do realize that people are busy, etc and there is no end to the amount of people I know and gifts I can give.
However, my question is how you feel if you got an outfit or baked ziti or potato kugel or pompom hat, not from a friend, from someone you are friendly with in neighborhood, kid in your childs class, etc?
I have bought nice outfits on sale, so I don't usually spend a lot! pompom hats from ali for $4! I have money for what I need, but we don't own yet and arent wealthy, bH for parnassa. I see that people are happy to send $10 value of food for shalom zachor or kiddush in my neighborhood
I don't want people to think they need to reciprocate, give me a gift because I gave them, when my turn comes. this is my chesed!
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orchidee
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Wed, Feb 13 2019, 2:27 pm
If you are able kol hakovod. There are always those generous ppl who are always able to give and give no matter their circumstances, and if your known as such a type, then I don’t think ppl will feel the need to reciprocate.
After a baby I think anything makes us feel good, and if it makes you feel good too, then go for it!
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Iymnok
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Wed, Feb 13 2019, 2:58 pm
When having their 4th, 5th, 9th, etc. it’s nice to get a nice gift to spruce up the hand-me-downs. A hat or objectively cute outfit would be a nice gift. Not everyone can make a dinner. Especially for larger families.
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amother
Black
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Wed, Feb 13 2019, 3:01 pm
Honestly, I would feel uncomfortable receiving something from someone I don't know well. And I would definitely feel obligated to reciprocate even if it was clear that I wasn't expected to.
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amother
Seagreen
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Wed, Feb 13 2019, 3:31 pm
I guess I feel like I know a lot of people well fron living in same neighborhood a long time
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dankbar
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Wed, Feb 13 2019, 4:01 pm
I used to give everyone a gift. I didn't come to any simcha without a gift. No it wasnt to get back....because for years I wasn't making any simchas....it got to a point where it got too much! With so many obligations...you must put limits. Also you end up feeling like a fool after a while , when you are gifting your sil's 10 babies & she doesnt even give you for the one you had in between....
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funmother
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Wed, Feb 13 2019, 4:19 pm
Getting gifts is so nice. If I didn't know you that well I would want to get to know you better. However keep the gifts practiced and presents useful. You dont want to raise the bar.
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amother
Mistyrose
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Wed, Feb 13 2019, 6:42 pm
I love small gifts. It says I thought of you, I am happy for you, I am happy with you. Esp after giving birth when I become a little more emotional, this would make me feel like someone care. I don't have much friends. And I have no family, except for my in laws. This would be a little sunshine for me.
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amother
Seagreen
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Wed, Feb 13 2019, 9:36 pm
I hear ya Dankbar regarding giving 10 baby gifts and not getting one in between. At this point, I feel that people should be paying tuition (even minimal) before giving gifts. I was brought up, you go to a simcha, you give a gift. Honestly, that changed a lot when a sibling in Lakewood missed a simcha of a semi distant cousin, because they didnt want to give a gift and then was told " I see where we stand".
When I had my first and second, I did think it was ludicrous that my husbands siblings were giving me gifts between about $10-36? and they all chipped in happily and send something nice for kiddush and or shalom zachor.
I guess I got used to the idea.
Some of my siblings are kollel and the mentally is we don't give, or for some. Some realize the right thing is to give because of what they get when they have a baby and some don't. It makes a nice feeling even among siblings to give something small.... but that's not the point of this really...
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