RANT it's his kid too

SixOfWands

Thu, Feb 14 2019, 1:49 pm

I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE when women here refer to "my baby" or "my child" when discussing parenting issues.

"He helps with my baby." Is it his baby as well? If so, then he PARENTS HIS CHILD.

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

flowerpower

Thu, Feb 14 2019, 2:20 pm

I couldn’t care less how it’s worded. As long as the dads involved then who cares?!?! Dh is barely home. I’m the sole caregiver for the most part so if he babysits or helps with the baby thats exactly what it is. Saying “watching our kid” instead of babysitting won’t cause him to do it more frequent.

naturalmom5

Thu, Feb 14 2019, 2:36 pm

SIX.... that is my BIGGEST peeve... Banging head

I literally go insane from this. I meet a lady on the street or shopping and she says my husband is babysitting. I say , he is babysitting all the neighbor's children, What a TZADDIK...
Does he take kvitelach (paper notes asking for a brocha) ?

She says, no, my children.
So , I tactfully ask , Oh from a previous marriage.
No, our children..

So, I say, you mean, HE IS PARENTING...

rae

Thu, Feb 14 2019, 3:23 pm

My pet peeve is when people take every word so literally. He’s babysitting, he’s parenting, he’s watching the kids, he’s keeping an eye on them, he’s helping me, he’s letting me get out....
Whatever works.

Ravenclaw

Thu, Feb 14 2019, 3:28 pm

rae wrote:

I disagree. I think word choice can tell us a lot about our subconscious beliefs. It can give you a lot of insight into a situation if you ask me.

33055

Thu, Feb 14 2019, 3:36 pm

Ravenclaw wrote:

I disagree. I think word choice can tell us a lot about our subconscious beliefs. It can give you a lot of insight into a situation if you ask me.

It also transmits those beliefs to the next generation. Totty is babysitting sends the message to the kids that he is just the helper.

flowerpower

Thu, Feb 14 2019, 3:57 pm

Squishy wrote:

It also transmits those beliefs to the next generation. Totty is babysitting sends the message to the kids that he is just the helper.

I don’t buy it. I see many kollel fathers taking/picking up their kids and watching them after. It’s a type of household.It boils down to what their schedules are and how their marriage/parenting works out. Zilch to do with the silly wording.

little neshamala

Thu, Feb 14 2019, 4:25 pm

flowerpower wrote:

In my experience the type of households where its common for the husband to be so involved with the kids just say "he's watching the kids". Not babysitting.

Totally agree with OP.

sarah58

Thu, Feb 14 2019, 4:37 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

so so true!

simcha2

Thu, Feb 14 2019, 7:34 pm

For me, it's not necessarily indicative of the father's involvement, but rather seems to indicate that the mother sees her relationship with her kids as the primary relationship in family, rather than her relationship with her dh and their relationship with the kids.

chicco

Thu, Feb 14 2019, 8:57 pm

I kinda think it's a reference error. Ever talk to someone and you are telling them over a conversation that you had with someone else and it gets confusing? Like getting stuck on- "And then I said, 'Mom, how could you do that?' " VS "And then I said, 'Mom, I mean to my mother, how could she do that?' " Sometimes it gets awkward and confusing.

I feel like the OP loses track of what perspective she is talking from because she is not naming her kid. So the fill in for the kid's name becomes 'my child' because she is speaking to us.

"My husband and I are struggling with Chani," would be straight forward. But since Chani's name isn't being mentioned, she is filling in 'my child' because she is talking to us and her husband isn't here. And that awkwardness comes up. I don't think she really sees Chani as only hers. The babysitting on the other hand...

Does that make any sense?

Edited to try and be clearer.

Last edited by chicco on Fri, Feb 15 2019, 8:07 am; edited 1 time in total

Iymnok

Fri, Feb 15 2019, 2:09 am

When Dh is staying home just so that I could go out, we call it babysitting. It is also a rare event here. If he has to rearrange his schedule just to accommodate my excursions, then it’s babysitting. We may call it any of a whole slew of terms, but that’s just what it is. If I wasn’t a SAHM I may do a little babysitting for him too.
The "my child" bothers me. It’s OUR child. To a friend I may say my son, but that is in contrast to her son.

FranticFrummie

Fri, Feb 15 2019, 7:34 am

Words have meaning, and context is everything.

I agree that it indicates subconscious thinking, and does affect the next generation.

I get so annoyed when I read an article about how amazing a single dad is (usually of one kid), while a single mom of many kids is just another day. Unless that dad is breastfeeding, he's just doing what any other single parent does. He parents.

sushilover

Fri, Feb 15 2019, 7:45 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

So true. But wouldn't it be better to change things by pointing out how amazing every single parent is instead of minimizing the single dads?

mom39

Fri, Feb 15 2019, 8:02 am

Anyone who watches your kids and needs instruction is babysitting! lol

How many of us can leave the kids with our husbands without saying "Chani needs lunch at 12","Yanki likes his pizza cut in small pieces","Shloime needs a nap at 1","dont forget to change shimmy's diaper - and use the diaper cream".......you get the idea.