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Forum
-> Parenting our children
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amother
Navy
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 Sun, Feb 17 2019, 8:52 pm
| amother wrote: | | Do you know her? |
Yes.
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amother
Pink
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Sun, Feb 17 2019, 10:18 pm
Have you asked her if she considers herself neglected as a child? Or is that your own interpretation?
Can you/have you shown her this thread? Would love to hear her response, if she's open to discussing it (as I might assume based on her openness in the micdrop itself).
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amother
Yellow
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Mon, Feb 18 2019, 7:16 am
I grew up poor in a large family.
I didn't have my own bed until my older brother left home when I was 7. (I would go to sleep in an older sibling's bed, and when he was ready for bed, my mother would transfer me to my sister's who was already sleeping.)
Birthday parties were unheard of.
For gifts, my parents would buy something for the house and dedicate it to a specific child. "This hammer is Leah's hammer. Everyone must thank her each time they use it!" We loved it!
I'm laughing now remembering this because as a kid I thought it was so normal. Even in high school I was genuinely excited when "I" got a broom as a gift!
There were some things that may be considered neglect, but I realize as an adult that we never told our parents that it bothered us. They obviously had no idea, and I am certain would have changed them if they knew.
For example, I remember being mortified about my horribly out of style shoes that my mother picked up or got second hand. I didn't think it would polite to tell her how ugly they were, so I wore them all year. They were so ugly, I was known as the "shoe girl" in school that year.
My sister didn't have AC in her room and would come sleep on the floor of my room sometimes, but it never occurred to her to explain that to our parents. She just said she liked sleeping there.
My brother shoveled snow to pay for a new coat. Again, I'm certain that if he'd asked for a new coat, my parents would have found a way to make it work.
Most of all, my parents built a home with a lot of laughter and acceptance. When my friends tell me about being pressured to fit a mold, go to certain school, or live a certain lifestyle, I consider that to be far stranger than not having a bed until I was 7.
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ectomorph
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Mon, Feb 18 2019, 7:45 am
| southernbubby wrote: | These are the types of stories that I feel that people need to hear. Poverty is a big issue in the frum community but it depends on how poverty is defined. I also worked throughout my teens and viewed kids whose parents still paid for everything as spoiled and immature.
It looks like those kids who had to learn early how to earn and budget money were more equipped to handle it when they got married.
I also think that it's healthy for people in general to realize just how little previous generations had and that we are wealthier than we realize. |
Completely agree.
Also parents who have fewer children because they don't want to spend all their time taking care of kids are just as likely to be neglectful as parents of large families.
Since they prefer to not be taking care of the kids at all.
Whereas people with large families who plan to spend their life taking care of children and view it as a way to serve Hashem are less likely to neglect any of them.
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ectomorph
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Mon, Feb 18 2019, 7:45 am
| amother wrote: | I grew up poor in a large family.
I didn't have my own bed until my older brother left home when I was 7. (I would go to sleep in an older sibling's bed, and when he was ready for bed, my mother would transfer me to my sister's who was already sleeping.)
Birthday parties were unheard of.
For gifts, my parents would buy something for the house and dedicate it to a specific child. "This hammer is Leah's hammer. Everyone must thank her each time they use it!" We loved it!
I'm laughing now remembering this because as a kid I thought it was so normal. Even in high school I was genuinely excited when "I" got a broom as a gift!
There were some things that may be considered neglect, but I realize as an adult that we never told our parents that it bothered us. They obviously had no idea, and I am certain would have changed them if they knew.
For example, I remember being mortified about my horribly out of style shoes that my mother picked up or got second hand. I didn't think it would polite to tell her how ugly they were, so I wore them all year. They were so ugly, I was known as the "shoe girl" in school that year.
My sister didn't have AC in her room and would come sleep on the floor of my room sometimes, but it never occurred to her to explain that to our parents. She just said she liked sleeping there.
My brother shoveled snow to pay for a new coat. Again, I'm certain that if he'd asked for a new coat, my parents would have found a way to make it work.
Most of all, my parents built a home with a lot of laughter and acceptance. When my friends tell me about being pressured to fit a mold, go to certain school, or live a certain lifestyle, I consider that to be far stranger than not having a bed until I was 7. | beautiful
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amother
Khaki
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Mon, Feb 18 2019, 10:25 am
| amother wrote: | I was raised the same way. and the funny thing is I dont feel like I grew up poor or neglected in the slightest. I wanted clothing or shoes or to be able to go on school shabbatons in high school- I babysat and paid for it myself. My parents never paid for a thing for me from the age of 14 and on other than my high school tuition. I was very independent and resourceful and hearing her story made me stop and question- wait was I neglected? Did I grow up poor?The funny thing is, until hearing her story I never even thought that for a second. I just thought I was normal, and my friends who spent their friday afternoons shopping with their parents credit cards, or whose parents paid for their shabbatons were incredibly spoiled! So many of her stories were similar to mine. I used to save the leftover school lunches and bring them home and I was so proud of myself for bringing home extra food that would have otherwise gone to the garbage. what a waste of food!
If her parents were able to pay for chicken for what they thought would be 10 guests- they dont sound so poor.
nor neglectful. sounds like she took on the role of being responsible and independent on herself and was happy about it!
and sounds like years later someone put the idea into her head that she was a victim.
she is not a victim. |
This. This micdrop is all about making it sound as bad as possible. And this is a copy of a quote from a different micdrop speaker, that was posted before the event, which proves this:
Special shoutout to @??? who has been coaching me throughout this public speaking process, pushing me to unearth the rawest and realest parts of me, while still focusing on structure and delivery as well. You rock! I CAN’T WAIT to LIBERATE on Thursday night.
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chestnut
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Mon, Feb 18 2019, 10:32 am
| amother wrote: | "Mommy, I want to go away to high school!"
"I know, sweetheart, but we really can't afford that."
"But I REALLY want to!"
"Okay, I'll ask the school."
...
"Well, tuition is a lot less than I was expecting, but I don't think we can do it anyhow. It's very expensive to get to New York, and we can't afford to pay for boarding."
"I have money saved up from babysitting!"
"That's just enough to get you to New York."
"So that's what I need!"
"But where will you stay then?"
"Rivky's house!"
"On Crown Street? Where you stayed that week after camp?"
"Yes."
"Are you sure that Rivky's family is okay with that?"
"I'll ask her."
...
"Rivky said her parents agreed!"
"I know Rivky's family, they are good and responsible. They really agreed?"
"Yes, I just asked her!"
"Okay, if you're sure..."
(Take daughter to bus station with sandwiches for the way)
"Hatzlacha Rabbah! Call us to let us know everything is okay!"
...
"Mommy, it's AMAZING here! I LOVE it!"
"That's wonderful, sweetheart! I'm glad we agreed to send you."
...
"Do you need any spending money, dear?"
"No, I'm fine! Save it for the kids at home! I have babysitting money."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, of course!"
"Okay, I'll buy them a treat from you. We miss you!"
...
"Do you have enough clothing, sweetheart? Do you need me to send you anything?"
"No, I'm great! I got stuff at a gemach here, it's all tznius and fits perfect!" |
Who in the world sends their kid to an out of state HS to live with a family without speaking to this family?!! I would never house a child for a school year without speaking to her parents. Just relying on the kid asking her friend who supposedly asked her parents?? That's ok For an overnight, not for a year or 4 (!!!) For all you know, your child is living who knows where
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southernbubby
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Mon, Feb 18 2019, 10:48 am
| amother wrote: | I grew up poor in a large family.
I didn't have my own bed until my older brother left home when I was 7. (I would go to sleep in an older sibling's bed, and when he was ready for bed, my mother would transfer me to my sister's who was already sleeping.)
Birthday parties were unheard of.
For gifts, my parents would buy something for the house and dedicate it to a specific child. "This hammer is Leah's hammer. Everyone must thank her each time they use it!" We loved it!
I'm laughing now remembering this because as a kid I thought it was so normal. Even in high school I was genuinely excited when "I" got a broom as a gift!
There were some things that may be considered neglect, but I realize as an adult that we never told our parents that it bothered us. They obviously had no idea, and I am certain would have changed them if they knew.
For example, I remember being mortified about my horribly out of style shoes that my mother picked up or got second hand. I didn't think it would polite to tell her how ugly they were, so I wore them all year. They were so ugly, I was known as the "shoe girl" in school that year.
My sister didn't have AC in her room and would come sleep on the floor of my room sometimes, but it never occurred to her to explain that to our parents. She just said she liked sleeping there.
My brother shoveled snow to pay for a new coat. Again, I'm certain that if he'd asked for a new coat, my parents would have found a way to make it work.
Most of all, my parents built a home with a lot of laughter and acceptance. When my friends tell me about being pressured to fit a mold, go to certain school, or live a certain lifestyle, I consider that to be far stranger than not having a bed until I was 7. |
I love it!
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oliveoil
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Mon, Feb 18 2019, 1:25 pm
| chestnut wrote: | | Who in the world sends their kid to an out of state HS to live with a family without speaking to this family?!! I would never house a child for a school year without speaking to her parents. Just relying on the kid asking her friend who supposedly asked her parents?? That's ok For an overnight, not for a year or 4 (!!!) For all you know, your child is living who knows where |
Couldn't agree more.
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amother
Tangerine
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Mon, Feb 18 2019, 1:31 pm
| amother wrote: | I grew up poor in a large family.
I didn't have my own bed until my older brother left home when I was 7. (I would go to sleep in an older sibling's bed, and when he was ready for bed, my mother would transfer me to my sister's who was already sleeping.)
Birthday parties were unheard of.
For gifts, my parents would buy something for the house and dedicate it to a specific child. "This hammer is Leah's hammer. Everyone must thank her each time they use it!" We loved it!
I'm laughing now remembering this because as a kid I thought it was so normal. Even in high school I was genuinely excited when "I" got a broom as a gift!
There were some things that may be considered neglect, but I realize as an adult that we never told our parents that it bothered us. They obviously had no idea, and I am certain would have changed them if they knew.
For example, I remember being mortified about my horribly out of style shoes that my mother picked up or got second hand. I didn't think it would polite to tell her how ugly they were, so I wore them all year. They were so ugly, I was known as the "shoe girl" in school that year.
My sister didn't have AC in her room and would come sleep on the floor of my room sometimes, but it never occurred to her to explain that to our parents. She just said she liked sleeping there.
My brother shoveled snow to pay for a new coat. Again, I'm certain that if he'd asked for a new coat, my parents would have found a way to make it work.
Most of all, my parents built a home with a lot of laughter and acceptance. When my friends tell me about being pressured to fit a mold, go to certain school, or live a certain lifestyle, I consider that to be far stranger than not having a bed until I was 7. |
That is so so sweet. I think we can all learn from your parents how to be resourceful and positive
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amother
Goldenrod
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Mon, Feb 18 2019, 1:39 pm
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I shared a couch type of bed until 21 and moved out (didn't grow up in America). We were 3 people in a one room apartment. Grew up fine. What people call "abuse" and "neglect" sometimes is ridiculous
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ectomorph
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Mon, Feb 18 2019, 4:24 pm
| amother wrote: | This. This micdrop is all about making it sound as bad as possible. And this is a copy of a quote from a different micdrop speaker, that was posted before the event, which proves this:
Special shoutout to @??? who has been coaching me throughout this public speaking process, pushing me to unearth the rawest and realest parts of me, while still focusing on structure and delivery as well. You rock! I CAN’T WAIT to LIBERATE on Thursday night. |
That is awful
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Maryann
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Mon, Feb 18 2019, 5:40 pm
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Can someone share which speech was this? Thanks!
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oliveoil
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Mon, Feb 18 2019, 6:03 pm
| amother wrote: | | I shared a couch type of bed until 21 and moved out (didn't grow up in America). We were 3 people in a one room apartment. Grew up fine. What people call "abuse" and "neglect" sometimes is ridiculous |
That's entirely different from being on your own in a different state without a place to stay or underwear or food. And parents apparently unaware or unconcerned.
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shoshanim999
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Mon, Feb 18 2019, 6:47 pm
| ectomorph wrote: | Completely agree.
Also parents who have fewer children because they don't want to spend all their time taking care of kids are just as likely to be neglectful as parents of large families.
Since they prefer to not be taking care of the kids at all.
Whereas people with large families who plan to spend their life taking care of children and view it as a way to serve Hashem are less likely to neglect any of them. |
I don't understand. How are parents who choose to have smaller families "just as likely to be neglectful" as parents with large families? It would seem that the opposite is true as they are making an effort keep their family size within what the feel they can handle.
I also don't see why you think that parents with many children plan to spend their life taking care of those children any more so than parents of smaller families. You don't think parents of 3, 4, or 5 children plan to dedicate themselves and do everything they possibly can to help raise and take care of their children?
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amother
Papaya
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Mon, Feb 18 2019, 10:13 pm
I just read somewhere that the people who make the speeches at micdrop have to PAY to speak???!!!!
Is that true???
they have to pay the owner for the honor of speaking? or someone pays them? Did I misread that?
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amother
Tan
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Mon, Feb 18 2019, 10:30 pm
| amother wrote: | I just read somewhere that the people who make the speeches at micdrop have to PAY to speak???!!!!
Is that true???
they have to pay the owner for the honor of speaking? or someone pays them? Did I misread that? |
They pay to take the course. Speaking on stage is optional.
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amother
Yellow
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Mon, Feb 18 2019, 10:39 pm
| amother wrote: | | That is so so sweet. I think we can all learn from your parents how to be resourceful and positive |
Thank you, I'll pass on the message.
This is actually really eye opening for me because this is the first time I'm thinking of my childhood in this way. I never called my family "poor" before. I also never thought about how unique my parents' gifts were. I just remembered of a time my brother wanted a city bus. So my father chose a certain bus number, and that was my brother's bus from then on. We were so excited whenever we saw his bus.
I'm laughing as I think about how absurd and cute the situation was!
I guess there is something to be said about this whole mic drop thing.
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