 |
|
 |
 |
|
|
Forum
-> Relationships
-> Giving Gifts
|
amother
Navy
|
 Sun, Feb 17 2019, 6:35 am
We've had an ongoing problem for years now. My in-laws go to Amazing Savings before my kids' birthdays, Chanukah, and other occasions and just buy random stuff on a whim for their grandchildren. It's almost always stuff that just adds to our clutter and to me is useless gifts because they are not educational, don't teach skills.
What we would want for gifts is money that can be used towards extra-curricular activities or outings to places with admission costs, swimming lessons. If not monetary gift, then at least games that require critical thinking skills, etc. Can I ask them to stop buying random stuff that my kids play with for a few days and then just sits on a shelf? Things that were never necessary in the first place.
I find it really frustrating that they never ask what the kids need or could use. I know they don't have to give gifts at all and we appreciate it but it's so frustrating seeing the money being spent for things we don't want or need.
Anyone else have this and found a way to handle it? Open to ideas. I'm thinking of sending them a wish list of gifts online but I don't know how they'll take to that.
| |
|
| Back to top |
 8
 2
|
|
amother
Azure
|
Sun, Feb 17 2019, 6:40 am
|
No! This is about their relationship with their grandchildren, not about which gifts would be most useful. If they ask, certainly feel free to give them some ideas. Otherwise stay out and let them give the way they want.
| |
|
| Back to top |
1
43
|
aricelli
|
Sun, Feb 17 2019, 7:49 am
|
So nice when grandparents think of their grandkids- thats not a small thing! Any gift I get from any person is special for the meaning behind it- and I’ve gotten some strange ones over the year!
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
14
|
allthingsblue
|
Sun, Feb 17 2019, 7:52 am
|
It would come off as really selfish to send a list to them. If they give gifts with price tags you can try to return them. If not, there's nothing you can do.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
17
|
33055
|
Sun, Feb 17 2019, 8:16 am
|
Regift them or return them. You can't ask them to give money or gifts you want.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
11
|
dankbar
|
Sun, Feb 17 2019, 8:20 am
|
Regift or exchange in store for something else without the grandparents knowing about it.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
4
|
dankbar
|
Sun, Feb 17 2019, 8:21 am
|
People write return...to the store not to the bubby
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
4
|
watergirl
|
Sun, Feb 17 2019, 8:52 am
I have this with my inlaws. My husband’s ex wife had such an issue over it that they went to a rav to ask what to do (they believe a grandparent should never come empty handed and bring lots of total junk). The answer - its a grandparents right to bring whatever they want. Once its in your house, do as you please with it.
Rather than make an issue of it, I’ve asked them a few times to stop bringing the junk. Now I just give it away.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
9
|
aricelli
|
Sun, Feb 17 2019, 8:54 am
|
I hate junk just as much as the next person- but I love the smiles on my kids faces when they receive what they call our junk: their “treasures”
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
11
|
aricelli
|
Sun, Feb 17 2019, 8:55 am
|
They each get an empty prize box and when its full its time to go through it and empty a bit to make room for some new junk
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
16
|
|
amother
Fuchsia
|
Sun, Feb 17 2019, 9:16 am
I get what you're saying but honestly just say thank you and thats it
stay out of their decision making
unless they ask you for ideas
and contributing in the way you describe is very different than bringing a gift to the children
and what message are you giving your children, also regarding kibud av v em, if you take the gifts away? to return or exchange at the store? please keep the bigger picture in mind.
this is about relationships, not values, judgements, clutter, or budgets.
can't it just be appreciated at face value? that grandparents (in laws or not) remember your children and their occasions? (I hope this is your biggest problem ever)
araceli has a great idea about decluttering junk in general
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
13
|
aricelli
|
Sun, Feb 17 2019, 9:21 am
|
I dont find it such an issue: these things break so quick that I usually dump them sooner rather than later- here today gone tomorrow
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
9
|
|
amother
Babyblue
|
Sun, Feb 17 2019, 9:23 am
| amother wrote: | We've had an ongoing problem for years now. My in-laws go to Amazing Savings before my kids' birthdays, Chanukah, and other occasions and just buy random stuff on a whim for their grandchildren. It's almost always stuff that just adds to our clutter and to me is useless gifts because they are not educational, don't teach skills.
What we would want for gifts is money that can be used towards extra-curricular activities or outings to places with admission costs, swimming lessons. If not monetary gift, then at least games that require critical thinking skills, etc. Can I ask them to stop buying random stuff that my kids play with for a few days and then just sits on a shelf? Things that were never necessary in the first place.
I find it really frustrating that they never ask what the kids need or could use. I know they don't have to give gifts at all and we appreciate it but it's so frustrating seeing the money being spent for things we don't want or need.
Anyone else have this and found a way to handle it? Open to ideas. I'm thinking of sending them a wish list of gifts online but I don't know how they'll take to that. |
Hi OP.
It might be junk to you but the kids might like the little things (you would be surprised) and then you can give it away if it's too much clutter. I remember that my grandparents bought me a little pink rubber toy years ago maybe it was an elephant and I adored it! When you are a grandmother you will know better, but leave your in laws alone and don't risk your relationship with them unless they ask of course. best of luck
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
15
|
|
amother
Orchid
|
Sun, Feb 17 2019, 9:35 am
Appreciate the thought behind the gift. Regardless of what the gift is and how long it lasts, I'm sure it means alot to the kids for the moment they receive it, as they know bubby loves them and remembers their birthday.
My kids get nothing from their bubby ever, they would be happy to receive any junk, it's the thought that counts.
Grandparents don't need to spend lots of money for gifts, even a little junky item is nice as long as the kids see bubby thinks of them.
| |
|
| Back to top |
2
6
|
aricelli
|
Sun, Feb 17 2019, 9:38 am
|
And my kids like the boxes the stuff came in!
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
3
|
flowerpower
|
Sun, Feb 17 2019, 9:41 am
You can-
Return it to the store and exchange it for something more educational
Put it away for rainy days and when the kids kvetch that they’re bored let them play with one of those gifts. Then you can trash it after it’s used or give it away....
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
8
|
aricelli
|
Sun, Feb 17 2019, 9:42 am
You can
Make a carnival- use these as prizes
Yard sale
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
4
|
|
amother
Mustard
|
Sun, Feb 17 2019, 7:48 pm
To sum up all the above replies, no, you cannot control what gifts the grandparents bring.
I hope this doesn't sound overly snarky, because I mean this in all sincerity, but in addition to raising your kids to appreciate the arts, extra-curricular activities, outings, and toys that make them think, you need to raise them to be gracious, kind, and loving to their elders.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
17
|
|
amother
Beige
|
Sun, Feb 17 2019, 7:57 pm
When a birthday is coming up, my daughter often tells me what toy or game her kids would appreciate. I'm really happy to buy them something they will enjoy. I guess everyone has a different relationship. If you think your in-laws will be okay with your making suggestions, then why not go ahead and communicate.
I agree, that is very important to learn to accept gifts graciously.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
3
|
|
amother
Hotpink
|
Sun, Feb 17 2019, 8:21 pm
|
You sound ungrateful. My parents and in-laws buy my kids nothing.
| |
|
| Back to top |
1
3
|
|
Imamother may earn commission when you use our links to make a purchase.
© 2024 Imamother.com - All rights reserved
|  |
 |
|
 |
|
|
