Receive unwanted gifts

ra_mom

Sun, Feb 17 2019, 11:36 pm

Some great advice here. Just accept the gifts with sincere gratitude for them wanting to show love to your children, and thow them out in a month if they're cluttering up space.

If you know they like to buy their gifts at Amazing Savings, then you can go see what AS has and call your ILs before you know they're scheduled for a visit and say if you happen to be shopping anytime soon at Amazing Savings, I saw a great game that my kids would love. Try it once. Either they'll appreciate the input or they won't. Take their lead.

And read up about the gifting love language. Maybe you'll understand them better appreciate their displays of affection.

amother

Navy

Tue, Feb 19 2019, 11:24 pm

OP here. Thanks for the replies. I wrote to see what others think and it seems the consensus really is to just let it be. I hear that and I understand that their relationship with grandparents and their middah of appreciation is most important. That is a valid point.

What's not clear to me is why letting them know about gifts that we think are more worthwhile or gifts that our kids would like would change the relationship building through gift giving.

The other thing that I find surprising is that I would think if you're giving gifts and you are that close of a family member that you would want to know that your gift is being used. I would have thought they would ask for feedback about their gifts or ask us what we recommend. Since we are talking about grandparents I would think that would not be so strange for them to do.

If I'm giving a gift I like to know that it's something the person wants.

amother

Pearl

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 2:37 am

amother wrote:

I'm totally with you. I don't buy bar/bat mitzvah gifts for my nieces and nephews without asking the parents what the child will like. Or I give a gift card or cash.
I don't understand why my in laws buy expensive gifts for their grandchildren without asking us or the (teen) children what is wanted/needed.
For some reason my in laws just have this tunnel vision that anything they buy will be wanted. And they aren't getting the hints that my kids aren't using most of the gifts they've bought.

allthingsblue

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 7:33 am

amother wrote:

I feel the same way as you but some families / some people are just not like that.
if they ask, you can tell them, but if they don't ask, it would be wrong of you to say anything.

amother

Fuchsia

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 7:41 am

though I like to ask first when giving gifts -your posts could be seen as a bit critical and controlling tho I am sure you do not mean them that way.

when you are grandparents then you can do as you wish

gift giving may be an art form -- everyone has their own style

try to look at the positives, particularly when its your in laws!

(theres nothing "strange" about it)

please try to let go of your complaint, sounds like they are a positive involved loving influence in your children's lives - thats something to encourage
maybe you could re channel your energy into making sure your children show their gratitude, write thank you notes, and the like, and be considerate of their grandparents

amother

Navy

Sun, Feb 24 2019, 8:51 pm

Thanks for the advice. They are certainly a positive involved part of our lives. I don't mean to control what they do at all, just wish the gifts would be more useful especially because they are spending real money. I tend to get bothered when substantial money (about $40 let's say is spent several times a year on these types of things).

I wrote this post to begin with because one gift in particular was something we just don't have space for. It was 3 large opaque boxes for the kids to store things in but we just don't need them at all and we can't keep things that we simply don't have space for at all. Meanwhile my fil keeps asking me and the kids where they are and if we've been using them. Sad

I'm at a loss for what to do and thought maybe if we have a direct conversation about it we could prevent this sort of thing from happening. It's so important to be grateful for what they do, but we can't lie and say "yes we're making great use of them, how thoughtful of you."

I don't know what to say or do... he has asked on 3 separate occasions now and I don't like being in this position. We've also gotten things many times from him that we basically already have (if not the exact same version). I'm sure this happens to everyone, but with grandparents because they are a close relative, I would think they would ask what we have, what we could use, etc.

I don't see how that would take away from their special relationship with their grandchildren to be given specific suggestions. Monetary gifts would have been nice because we are struggling financially and still want our kids to have certain experiences but I totally understand what everyone is saying about that not being nice to say. My parents are just naturally aware of these kinds of things and give us money mostly (small amounts because they struggle themselves!). We use that money for the kids and tell them that the money for that trip, etc. came from them.

DH doesn't think he can suggest this to his parents because he thinks they will get insulted and it seems you all agree that we shouldn't say anything to them.

amother wrote: