If you run a HS that does not accept every applicant

amother

Blush

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 1:28 am

I'm appalled at the HS rejection thread. If you run a HS that rejects a child for any other reason than being absolutely physically or legal full, how do you sleep at night ? How can this be justified?

amother

Slategray

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 1:35 am

I am not an administrator, and don't work in any institution.

But the argument is presumably something along the lines of "We have a responsibility to the students we already have. If accepting a student will change the dynamics of the school in a negative way, we cannot do that to the girls we have already."

Or perhaps, "This school is just not suited to her. She won't thrive here, and we won't do her a favor by accepting her." (This one I think is the same fallacy driving the "How do I tell her I don't see the Shidduch working out" thread...)

Or maybe, "We can't provide what she needs here. She needs too much help/support/attention." (This is awful too.)

It's part of the gradual shift that has occurred - from schools feeling like a Torah institution first and foremost, with a responsibility to the community and willing to struggle and rely on miracles to make this happen; to becoming primarily in pursuit of financial stability.

amother

Cerise

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 1:42 am

I don't run a high school but do have some close experience with admissions (MO schools). Here is what I know:

Sometimes there really is no space.
Sometimes a child needs academic and/or emotional help that the school is not equipped to give.

If the school can't accept a child for some reason, administrators will reach out to other places to make sure that the child has an appropriate placement elsewhere. Always.

There is no ego in this. No one gets any joy in turning someone down.

I will say that sometimes it may look from the outside like an applicant was turned away for no reason, but the people who have reason to know why, understand. (Extreme example: a kid is addicted to alcohol or drugs. Family is just saying that he has health issues, so he can rehab privately. We look like the bad guys for turning down a sick child, when in fact we don't have the resources to support a recovering addict.)

chestnut

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 8:25 am

It's a competition to have the best, the smartest, the frummest girls, so the girl can boast about it. No responsibility whatsoever.
(Brooklyn BYs)
The end.

ETA - sorry, yes, the school should boast about it

amother

Gray

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 8:28 am

amother wrote:

It's a competition to have the best, the smartest, the frummest girls, so the girl can boast about it. No responsibility whatsoever.
(Brooklyn BYs)
The end.

What do you mean by the girl boasting about it?
Do you mean the school? If yes, I agree.

dankbar

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 9:11 am

Same with yeshivos. The מציונים yeshivas are very picky & only take in best? Or the ones with the money. They want to be called the best yeshiva out there. With what are they the best? Are they working on students that need help? NO. They are simply taking in the top learners & then get a name as the top best yeshiva. They only accept boys that don't need any work unless there's money and/or protectsia.

amother

Pink

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 9:13 am

How is it possible for a school to accept every single applicant? Besides for the space issue, they do have a responsibility to their current students. I would not want my girls school to just accept anyone that applies. A school has the right to pick and choose who to accept. Some girls/families are just not a fit for the school they applied to. Some people only want a certain school even if they don't belong there.

amother

Peach

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 9:25 am

L'maaseh, schools have the number of spots they have. Once they are limiting because of that, instead of being first come first serve, they establish criteria. IME, legacy is first- if you are a sibling or child of a current or former student, you are in unless there is something specifically negative to keep you out. (Which can change the character the school is trying to build, because only the initial applicant in the family fully fits it.) Then, the rest of the spots are tallied.

Some schools go straight to donors and connections. Some go to specific feeder schools. Some adhere hard to their preferred criteria, which is often academics or hashkafah/community, but I have seen it be midos/girls immersed in chesed or with strong motivation. But I have never seen a school that doesn't take siblings and children of students of faculty first. In some schools, that drastically limits available spaces.

amother

Lavender

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 9:26 am

amother wrote:

Since there aren't any public school options for our kids, nor is there a school that accepts everyone, all the schools collectively need to work together to ensure that all kids are placed. True, all schools can't accept every applicant, but it is incumbent upon our community to ensure that every child has a place somewhere.

The schools are only looking for 'perfect fits', and since there is a large pool of applicants they get to have their way. But there is hardly any accounting for rejecting the large number of normal, average, but wonderful in their own way, children. What are the parents that are rejected from everywhere supposed to be doing?

amother

Aquamarine

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 9:32 am

// I would not want my girls school to just accept anyone that applies. A school has the right to pick and choose who to accept. Some girls/families are just not a fit for the school they applied to. Some people only want a certain school even if they don't belong there.//

When you say things like this, it comes across - to me- as though you think you are perfect and you need to keep out the imperfects. And there's a lot of hypocrisy in that attitude because SO many times, people do things that are not "acceptable" but since its quiet they can get away with it and still be from the "perfect" ones. Which is understandable, because we all have our struggles.

I married into a family with this kind of attitude and we are not very close to my husband's siblings. I know my MIL is so upset, but honestly would you want to spend time with people who act like they are so much better than you? Its unpleasant. And especially unpleasant when you know what they do that's wrong, and they expect you to keep their dirty little secrets because, of course, that would be lashon hara.

amother

Lavender

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 9:35 am

dankbar wrote:

The schools or yeshivas that do accept everyone gets a bad name as all the garbage land there. Then the rest of society doesn't want to send to the bad school anymore

"Garbage?" What kind of schooling did you get, that you can refer to Yiddishe kinder as 'garbage"? More so, what kind of education are you giving your children???

amother

Lavender

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 9:37 am

amother wrote:

I'm curious if your opinion would still be the same, if it was your 'not a perfect fit" children being rejected from all schools.

amother

Cerise

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 9:40 am

dankbar wrote:

The schools or yeshivas that do accept everyone gets a bad name as all the garbage land there. Then the rest of society doesn't want to send to the bad school anymore

No child is garbage. Period.

amother

Pink

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 9:42 am

Amother aquamarine, no I am not perfect and I did not say I am. But we are trying to raise our kids with a certain hashkafa that is in sync with the school, and of a school just accepts whoener applies, how can we expect our kids to grow up with the hashkafa we're trying to raise them with?? Why should a school accept a family that is not with there hashkafa and will not follow the rules?? The school has a responsibility to all their students.
Amother lavender, I would not apply to a school thats not a good fit for our family. My girls where rejected from 2 schools. Some people just want to send to a certain school for the name and they know very well they don't belong there.

nylon

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 9:52 am

A reminder that some schools are true community schools, in places without many schools (sometimes only one). Their students are not garbage. Yes, you have to be okay with the students not all being exactly the same hashkafa, but this is their purpose.

SuperWify

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 9:55 am

dankbar wrote:

The schools or yeshivas that do accept everyone gets a bad name as all the garbage land there. Then the rest of society doesn't want to send to the bad school anymore

How can you call a precious Jewish child “garbage”?!?!?

I’m appalled.

amother

Lavender

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 9:57 am

amother wrote:

The primary responsibility of hashkafah belongs to the home. Children need to be able to function in a society where there are varying degrees of hashkafah. Of course, schools need to have some boundaries, but it should not be as rigid with such exacting criteria as they are now.

If your hashkafah only holds up in an environment where the exact same hashkafah is practiced, it doesn't say much about your hashkafic approach.

amother

Seafoam

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 10:00 am

ALL SCHOOL ADMINISTRATORS WILL HAVE TO ANSWER UP THERE.
WHY IS THIS ANY DIFFERENT THAN THE ELEMENTARY SCHOOLS NOT ACCEPTING FIVE YEAR OLDS....THEY HAVENT EVEN HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO SHAPE THEMSELVES ONE WAY OR ANOTHER. I THINK WE SHOULD WB BY DISTRICT WHWRE EVERYONE IS ACCEPTED AND WE SHOULD LEARN TO TOLERATE OTHER HASHGAFOS AND YES, GO TO SCHOOL WITH THEM. IT WOJLD DO EVERYONE GOOD TO HAVE A MIX OF TYPES IN A SCHOOL.