Teacher asking me for advice!?

solo

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 2:49 pm

My oldest (6) is being disruptive in the classroom. Her teacher wants me to tell her how I would like her to handle it and create some kind of behavioral model. Also she is surprised that I haven’t been in touch with a psychiatrist yet- since she mentioned the negative behavior at pta (I wasn’t concerned since she didn’t seem concerned) I am so surprised. And unprepared for this. My friends tell me this is things r done nowadays.
I have zero classroom experience. And 6 yrs experience parenting a sweet precocious helpful 6 yr old. What should I tell her.

amother

Khaki

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 2:54 pm

Maybe observe the classroom for a day or two. If your daughter is sweet and precocious, then probably part of the classroom setup is making her bored and therefore disruptive. You can therefore suggest enrichment or alternative activities for her when she is supposed to be sitting quietly and listening as the teacher repeats the same information for the nth time (when she knew it before the first).

I agree with you that a psychiatrist is seriously overkill, unless you see clear evidence of an actual issue.

How much experience does this teacher have?

amother

Lawngreen

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 2:57 pm

Ask the teacher if she would be willing to come up with some kind of behavior chart to be sent home daily (reward to be given at home, doesn't have to be a "prize" could be earning some kind of privilege of special activity with you).

happymom123

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 3:03 pm

Since you know your child, you’d know what she’d “go for” but here are some ideas you can think about:
Responsibility - doing favors for the teacher, being in charge of holding the door, setting up supplies etc
Rewards chart - every good behavior gets a sticker until it fills up and she gets a prize
Extra enrichment- a special activity book with educational sheets like word search etc that she can do when she is bored

That’s all I came up with but I’m sure people have more ideas

Spaghetti7

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 3:07 pm

I don't think necessarily that her asking you about what you think should be done is an indication of a lack of experience or ideas on her part.
She maybe is trying to gauge how involved you are with your daughter's behavior and if you have found anything or a method in particular works at home. She also might be trying to open up conversation to have a cohesive and consistent approach to behavior difficulties spanning the classroom environment and home environment.
There's no point her coming up with a great behavioral plan and implementing it at school if at home the rules are so completely different.
I think it's a really good sign if she's thinking about working together to try and overcome your daughter's behavioral challenges, and if she's brought it up twice, then I would give it some thought and further discussion. Perhaps your daughter's behavior is much better at home, more challenging at school, and this is something to talk about together to try and clarify.
If she is an experienced teacher, then consider her suggestion of an outside evaluation.

mha3484

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 3:17 pm

I think its great that she asked. There is nothing more frustrating then when the teacher or administration uses methods that your kid does not respond to. I wanted to smack someone at my sons school when she was telling me how he would really thrive under a certain type of behavior program. Um have you actually talked to him? I was right, he could care less about getting the right colors/points/prizes etc.

My kids best years are when I feel like I am working together with my sons teachers and the worst are when I feel like they think they know better and dont care to ask my input.

amother

Khaki

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 3:26 pm

To clarify, I don't think asking for a parent's input is indicative of an inexperienced teacher. It is assuming that a disruptive precocious 6-year-old requires a psychiatric evaluation that makes me think so.

amother

Oak

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 3:38 pm

Asking for a parent's input is fine. Asking the parent to come up with a plan is not so fine, depending on how she presented it. If she asked OP to suggest what's worked for her at home so that she could develop her own plan, that would be fine, or if she suggested a plan and asked OP's opinion, that would also be fine. But asking OP to come up with the plan (if that's indeed what she asked) makes it seem that she's not so experienced and that she doesn't want to have to put in the work.

My DS has been through a lot of behavioral plans in school, and I always appreciated when his teachers asked me for my opinion and involvement so that it would carry over well. But when he was in nursery (that's right, just 3 years old!!) his teacher told me he was misbehaving and suggested that I make him a chart and ask him if he behaved every day after school Rolling Eyes

Needless to say, that was not a successful plan (stupid first-time mom that I was, I went along with it).