An experience that caused you to change your mind

amother

Mint

Wed, Feb 27 2019, 1:22 pm

We all know the famous lines like

What is conservative? A liberal who was mugged.

What is a liberal? A conservative who got arrested.

Don't judge anyone until you are in their shoes etc.

I was just wondering how true this is out here. Did you ever have any very strong opinions about the world that you changed due to a personal experience or when you found yourself in "their" situation?

I don't mean opinions that slowly changed as a result of growing up or having more life experience.

FranticFrummie

Wed, Feb 27 2019, 2:09 pm

I used to judge people who's kids threw massive tantrums in the store.

Then I met a woman who had an Autistic child. She could not leave him with any caretakers because of the degree of care he needed, so if she wanted to leave the house, he had to come with.

These days, I don't care if the child is a spoiled brat, or a child with special needs. It's not my place to shoot dirty looks at stressed parents. I offer to help if I can.

amother

Khaki

Wed, Feb 27 2019, 2:20 pm

My sisters kids used to always wet (and poop) during the day. They always smelled, I was very judgmental of her, why can't she take care of them and "teach them a lesson"...
Until.....
My kids too started wetting (during school), during the day and at night.
We've tried many many techniques to help them control themselves, with no results. We've tried with incentives and punishments. Nothing helped so far.
I'm sure she too tried many different approaches with no luck.

Chayalle

Wed, Feb 27 2019, 2:30 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

LOL. I was blessed with my older children being little bubbalehs who basically did whatever their parents said, and toed the line, and behaved in school, and usually looked put together, and they went thru all their years of school under the radar with the principal barely knowing they exist....

And then my next princess came along, with a mind of her own, and a creative soul, the type that thinks that mismatched clothes look good to her, and her idea of a favorite outfit has some really creative liberties and might include cowboy boots, sunglasses, and lots and lots of necklaces, and a floppy hat...and school rules are made to be bent, and I met the principal at a wedding and she knows who DD is, etc....

My whole perspective on parenting changed with this child. And I'm really grateful to her (and Hashem) for that.

amother

Mustard

Wed, Feb 27 2019, 9:26 pm

Chayalle wrote:

Woa did I change!
I user to always judge my neighbor why she can't control her little boy. He used to bite, scratch until bleeding, you name it. He was the craziest kid around. I never told her anything ch"v just always thought it to myself that there must be something that she can do.
Well, fast fwd a few yrs and hashem gave me 2 ADORABLE such boys. The neighbor since moved away. And every single time I meet I apologize to her again for just thinking it. Now I'm being the neighbor that's being judged and it's sooooo hard. One kid is older already so he bh mellowed ton a whl lot. But the comments I get from my neighbors are torturous. I cried so much already. I asked hashem to forgive and promised him that I had learned my lesson to never judge anybody.
Anon cuz so many ppl irl know my story.

amother

Seafoam

Wed, Feb 27 2019, 9:35 pm

amother wrote:

Someone recently told me that they heard from a medical professional that such issues can be a folate deficiency. Get them checked.

amother

Smokey

Wed, Feb 27 2019, 9:43 pm

amother wrote:

A lot of people judge when they see this by others. I sometimes wish the people that judge me for this would experience it firsthand. I’m sure they will shut up.

ectomorph

Wed, Feb 27 2019, 9:48 pm

When I was in college, I was a classical liberal. I can't say I regret it because I always got As on my papers.

I've since become conservative after being in the "real" non academic world and realizing that a lot of what they taught was false or mischaracterized. And as the lines have gotten sharper, I seem to fall on the conservative side 9 times out of 10.

ectomorph

Wed, Feb 27 2019, 9:50 pm

And before I had kids I thought I'd be the most amazing mother and my kids would only eat healthy food and my kids would be very precocious.

I yell more than I'd like (not every day), my kids eat whatever they eat with our varied dietary restrictions, and one kid was toilet trained at 4.5.

amother

Beige

Wed, Feb 27 2019, 10:23 pm

"I have learned that any time I look down on someone else, Hashem eventually engineers things so that I am doing what they were doing. I have eaten a lot of humble pie in my days (and I'm only 35!)."

Quote from another thread where I posted it. I wouldn't even know where to start, I have had to change my mind so many times, from my original post of righteous indignation.

(We also dealt with encopresis, kid threatening me, leaving dishes until they literally rotted, and many other circumstances that I was SURE I was too good for. B"H most issues were short-lived and long since resolved, but VERY educational. I am much more careful about judging these days.)

yksraya

Wed, Feb 27 2019, 10:34 pm

I used to be anti vax. I have an autistic brother and was scared and kind of brainwashed abt it too.

Now I give shots although part of me is still a little scared, but I have faith that autistic kids are from hashem regardless of if kid was vaxed or not (my brother actually wasn't vaxed) and if it's not meant for me to have a special needs kid, I b'eh won't. Bh for healthy kids, and I need to give them shots, all those illnesses are risky and scary.

crust

Wed, Feb 27 2019, 11:01 pm

yksraya wrote:

I wanted to let you know that I admire someone that can vax after being outspoken anti. I think it takes a lot of strength. Kudos to you.

daagahminayin

Wed, Feb 27 2019, 11:12 pm

When I was in seminary I used to babysit for my teacher. Her house was really messy so I used to tidy it up for her and wash the dishes, all the while thinking to myself, “gosh, she’s an amazing teacher and I love her but how could someone be so disorganized...”

And now a few years later, with a bunch of kids and a hectic schedule, I really understand that it’s not so easy... you can be an organized person but if you have no time, little kids, and many demands, your house will not always look neat.

amother

Khaki

Wed, Feb 27 2019, 11:52 pm

amother wrote:

Khaki, please look up the site bedwetting and accidents.com. We have resolved this issue with DD, 9, after years of struggle.
I was scared to do something so drastic (daily enemas,) but my usually cautious pediatrician reviewed the protocol and was ok with it

Thanks for this recommendation. I will look into it.
I also appreciate the folate deficiency check up recommendation. Will do my work.

jfk92

Thu, Feb 28 2019, 3:35 am

My reply is along different lines but its the first thing I thought of when I saw your post. I was always skeptical of women who married younger men. I was always more traditional minded in that sense. In fact, I recall telling shadchans, I'm looking for someone at least 5 years older. I was convinced a younger guy could never been serious or responsible. And that since girls mature faster, anyone younger would be a bad Shidduch. Fast forward to meeting my now husband (at a simcha vs. Shidduchim) who is 2 years younger than I am, yet bh the best compliment to my personality and very responsible,mature and caring as both husband and father. Now ill even push for some still single friends to be more open minded about younger guys.