Something to Keep in Mind When Making a Simcha

amother

Tan

Wed, Feb 27 2019, 8:24 pm

Mazal tov! I know there is a lot to think about when making a simcha; I apologize for giving you something else. I do not have a car, and every time I am invited to a simcha, I have to hustle for rides. Sometimes it takes 4, 5 or 6 calls. Sometimes it doesn't work at all. A few months ago, I missed the wedding of a first cousin, because I wasn't able to find one, and an uber would have been $75.

I know of others who have this issue as well.

Perhaps the next time you are making a simcha and a friend asks you if they can help with something, you can.assign them the task of matching up people who need rides with people who have space. Or even rent a van for them. It would be such a nice way to make people feel welcome.

amother

Chartreuse

Wed, Feb 27 2019, 8:38 pm

A person making a simcha has a lot of details to take care of and a lot of expenses! I don't think they need to arrange for your transportation. If you don't have a car I am assuming you live in an area with a lot of public transportation. Why don't you use that instead of not attending?

Or look into renting a car for the day or by the hour. I think there is something called Zipcar. It could be cheaper than an Uber.

Hope you don't have to miss anymore simchas!

amother

Brunette

Wed, Feb 27 2019, 8:45 pm

I'm sorry OP, but it's not the Baal simcha's fault that you choose not to have a car. If the simcha is important enough for you, you should arrange your own transportation.
When I make a simcha the only people I would arrange transportation for are my parents and in laws. The baal simcha has enough on her plate besides for arranging rides for whoever might not have a car.

mig100

Wed, Feb 27 2019, 8:50 pm

amother wrote:

Yep agreed. I found it annoying when friends asked me to find them rides the night or two before my wedding. I felt like telling them I'd love to have u ..though not if it's an extravjob for me when I didn't have the head for extr a organizing

trixx

Wed, Feb 27 2019, 8:50 pm

I hear you but that's the last thing on anyone's mind
You got an invite - figure out how to get there
A bus to an out of town simcha, for the chosson/kallah friends and anyone who wants to join, makes sense and we have done that in the past. But that's awfully generous and a huge pain to deal with

singleagain

Wed, Feb 27 2019, 8:51 pm

My sister just got married and made a Facebook page called "rides to sister and bil wedding" and sent that Facebook page with the evites or maybe just gave it to those who asked. And on that page everyone was asking for rides to and from the wedding.

Once the page was up, she didn't have to pay attention to it. (She did cause that's just the kind of person she is) but it could have very easily run itself.

Maybe all you need to do is create a page like that or a WhatsApp or whatever and tell a few ppl (close family/friends) so if someone needs a ride that person can be added to the group or page out whatever.

It takes less than a minute to set up. And needs no maintenance.

Especially if you're venue is a bit out of the way.

Ppl will include maps with directions off the major highways. It wouldn't really be such a huge issue to include "Facebook page/ WhatsApp group for rides."

thunderstorm

Wed, Feb 27 2019, 8:54 pm

My DH had a Monsey bus chartered (he didn't pay for it, it was paid for by his friends) so that all the Monsey chevra that he was close to, and didn't drive, were able to attend his wedding in Brooklyn. I think they did it out of Mitzvah Simcha's chosson vkallah that he should have a decent crowd there to dance for him. This was 18 years ago. Nobody ever chartered a bus so that I could travel and I don't expect them to!

amother

Puce

Wed, Feb 27 2019, 8:56 pm

Baalei hasimcha are under no **obligation** to provide or arrange transport, but it’s a nice thing to do. There are no wedding halls where we are and most of the locals don’t have cars. The popular wedding places are, depending on traffic, easily two or more hours away by car, longer or inaccessible by mass transit. We chartered a bus for each of our children’s weddings for the convenience of our guests. It added about $1000 to our wedding costs and we did not split it with the other side, but it was the menschlich thing to do. We never even considered not doing this. B”H this sum didn’t make us or break us, and I totally understand that for many people the wedding itself is more than they can manage financially. But for those who can manage, I would recommend this. It doesn’t have to be a whole bus; it can be a minibus or a van if you have only a small group. Only one other local family did something like this when their ds got married about 400 miles away. It was the only way the Chossen was going to have more than just his immediate family attending.

momsrus

Wed, Feb 27 2019, 8:57 pm

singleagain wrote:

That’s nice, but will work only for certain crowds. I don’t have Facebook and most of my family does not have WhatsApp.

Needing the Baal Simcha to set up rides for you sounds kind of entitled to me.

watergirl

Wed, Feb 27 2019, 8:58 pm

singleagain wrote:

Also, OP never suggested the host arrange the rides. But a friend who wants to help out can be tasked with this. Then you just say "call xyz if you need to arrange a ride"

Agreed. People are reading more into this than I think OP intended.

simcha2

Wed, Feb 27 2019, 9:15 pm

watergirl wrote:

Agreed. People are reading more into this than I think OP intended.

I think you're right and I think they were a couple of things in op's post that elicited the responses she received.

I think sometimes there's a knowledge gap between car owners and non car owners in the cost of a car. Cars are expensive to own, maintain, insure and operate. For my used minivan the cost for financing+insurance+gas per month is about $400. So a one time uber cost of $75 seems reasonable.

The other part was putting it on the baalas simcha (because you know it falls on the wife). A suggestion to OP, next time yie invited to a simcha that is a shlep, call and say "mazal tov, would you like me to coordinate a ride share for your guests? " I'm sure it would be appreciated

watergirl

Wed, Feb 27 2019, 9:23 pm

mig100 wrote:

The Baal simcha still ends up being busy with it

Not for any meaningful amount of time.

Shayna Shprintza to Kallah: mazel tov! Is there anyway that I can be helpful?

Kallah to Shayna Shprintza: OMG YES! Thanks so much for asking! Please be the ride shaddchanit.

Guest to kallah: I’d love to come to your wedding, can you please help me find a ride?

Kallah to guest: call Shayna Shprintza, she’s taking care of this.

Done. And if the guest pushes any further, the Kallah Will just keep repeating the same thing.

amother

Babyblue

Wed, Feb 27 2019, 9:50 pm

It's not the person making a simchas job. If asked it is definitely a nice thing to try to find rides but not something nthey should be busy with.
I don't understand how u missed your first cousins wedding though....u have advance notice. If you are far from the hall/don't have family nearby you had time to figure something out.

amother

Tan

Wed, Feb 27 2019, 9:55 pm

singleagain wrote:

Also, OP never suggested the host arrange the rides. But a friend who wants to help out can be tasked with this. Then you just say "call xyz if you need to arrange a ride"

That is what I suggested.

amother

Tan

Wed, Feb 27 2019, 10:03 pm

amother wrote:

Not that I owe you an answer, but I tried everything I could think of, starting at least a month in advance. I have health issues that preclude public transportation, and financial issues that preclude car services, etc. That's also why I don't have a car. Idiosyncritically enough, I prefer to feed my children rather than own a car.

The mean spiritedness that my post has inspired is apalling. Silly me, I thought people, especially lucky people who Hashesm has blessed with a simcha, would be happy of a way to help others.

Unfollowing this thread.

amother

Chartreuse

Wed, Feb 27 2019, 10:06 pm

watergirl wrote:

I don't see this working. The only people who
will call the ride shadchan are the ones that need rides. I doubt the ones that have space will call and offer. That means the shadchan will need to call every other guest on the list (that are in the right neighborhood) and ask if they have space in their car??

How will they have all their phone numbers? If the host gives them an address list it will only have home address not phone numbers.

I think it makes more sense for the people that need rides to call themselves. They should know the mutal friends and family that live near them that also know the chosson/kallah.

Or perhaps if renting a car or taking a taxi is not in their budget they can find other guests to split it with. Or even give a smaller wedding gift if they need to spend more money on transportation.

singleagain

Wed, Feb 27 2019, 10:09 pm

momsrus wrote:

Okay so without Facebook and WhatsApp, you do it the way watergirl said a few posts up

watergirl wrote: