Something to Keep in Mind When Making a Simcha

singleagain

Wed, Feb 27 2019, 10:11 pm

amother wrote:

I don't see this working. The only people who
will call the ride shadchan are the ones that need rides. I doubt the ones that have space will call and offer. That means the shadchan will need to call every other guest on the list (that are in the right neighborhood) and ask if they have space in their car??

How will they have all their phone numbers? If the host gives them an address list it will only have home address not phone numbers.

I think it makes more sense for the people that need rides to call themselves. They should know the mutal friends and family that live near them that also know the chosson/kallah.

Or perhaps if renting a car or taking a taxi is not in their budget they can find other guests to split it with. Or even give a smaller wedding gift if they need to spend more money on transportation.

You assign one person to arrange the rides and anyone else who says "how can I help" "I'd you can give ppl a ride let so and so know"

Simple

amother

Aquamarine

Thu, Feb 28 2019, 1:43 am

Even simpler:

Attached to e-vites, a message that says that Sarah Shprintza is organising rides. Her contact details are ----------. If anyone has space, could they please let her know. If anyone needs a ride, ditto.

Raisin

Thu, Feb 28 2019, 4:37 am

I truly sympathize but have you ever made a simcha? There are a million details to organise, and plus finally you get to spend time with your family who have travelled in. Maybe your sister from Australia that you haven't seen for 10 years. Arranging rides for random guests may just be beyond anyone but the most organised person.

I don't think its wrong to call the baal simcha and ask if she has any idea who else might be driving from your area that you could contact to ask for a ride.

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Feb 28 2019, 4:56 am

I dont see why you cant just call the baal simcha and ask who in your area is going to the simcha and then you can call them to ask for a ride.

My sister got married in a moshav where there was no public transportation, so in the invitation, there was a card that there would be a bus from xyz place leaving at x time and returning at y time for the wedding as the chatan and kallah's friends mostly didnt have cars. And for anyone else who didt have a way to get there. But other than that, it was the guests job to find out if others in their area were attending. We have given such rides before, when someone knows that we are both going to the same simcha and have been called, but by the guest, not the baal simcha. The people making the simcha have way tooooo much on their minds to have to think up rides as well.
And I say that from experience, with this bus. There wer complications that I was calling my father about because someone had called me and that was NOT what a father of a kallah needs to be worried about right before his child is getting married.
OP, I am sorry that you are not able to take public transport or a taxi. I understand that. So send a message to the baal simcha asking who in your area is going and go from there. And then be proactive and call those people for a ride.

amother

Wheat

Thu, Feb 28 2019, 5:06 am

I totally hear both sides of the issue. What I have often seen done is setting up a Google sheets for people to offer or ask for rides. Set up and forget. Now everyone's in charge of connecting themselves. Just one email to the friends and it's now their responsibility, but doable.

amother

Olive

Thu, Feb 28 2019, 7:18 am

amother wrote:

Not that I owe you an answer, but I tried everything I could think of, starting at least a month in advance. I have health issues that preclude public transportation, and financial issues that preclude car services, etc. That's also why I don't have a car. Idiosyncritically enough, I prefer to feed my children rather than own a car.

The mean spiritedness that my post has inspired is apalling. Silly me, I thought people, especially lucky people who Hashesm has blessed with a simcha, would be happy of a way to help others.

Unfollowing this thread.

You totally don’t get it.
It’s not about you. It’s about the people making the simcha
You have no idea how stressful it is the days leading up to the simcha.

33055

Thu, Feb 28 2019, 7:54 am

Any asking for rides should be low key and not pressure the drivers. Those that don't drive have no understanding of the burden they place on drivers.

I have tried asking ladies to take a cab to my house when I am going to weddings out of Monsey as per another thead here. They don't want to spend money since I am driving anyway, I should go 20 minutes out if my way for them. They also shouldn't expect me to pick up other relatives. I dislike picking up a lady and only then being told they are "counting" on me to pick up another relative across town. Please tell the driver in advance.

I cheerfully do this mitzvah when I can, but sometimes I can't. A no should be accepted without pressure.

singleagain

Thu, Feb 28 2019, 8:04 am

Quote:

it was the guests job to find out if others in their area were attending.

The only problem with this, is that if you can only invite a few ppl from a certain area or for whatever reason are keeping it small. Then someone will say "oh are you going to the Simcha?" And the reply will be "no, I wasn't invited" and then there might be hurt feelings and resentments.

This is why I think, the point person idea is the best one.
Especially, if you know transportation still be difficult for your guests, ask someone to be the point person to arrange rides. And include that person's contact info with the invitations. And then you're done.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Feb 28 2019, 9:00 am

For those of you thinking the OP is acting entitled, GET SOME READING COMPREHENSION!

Oh my gosh. Seriously. Watergirl laid it out perfectly.

OP does not want to be catered to, she's offering a solution to a common problem. She's not complaining, she's trying to make things better.

SHE'S NOT TELLING THE BRIDE TO ARRANGE RIDES! She just wants to suggest that someone volunteer to coordinate, as a form of assistance to the bride.

Why is this so hard to understand?

gande

Thu, Feb 28 2019, 10:06 am

What needs to come out from this thread is awareness to thi k of others. If you are going to a simcha with an empty car, think about you friend, neighbor, or anyone who is disadvantaged or has no car, and make an offer to take them, on your terms of course. Some people are too shy/proud to go calling the whole town for a ride.
It is a big mitzva.

Raisin

Thu, Feb 28 2019, 10:21 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

That someone is generally the mother of the kallah. (or bar mitzvah boy etc) Or mother of the chassan, for his sides invitees. Not everyone has tons of friends willing to coordinate that type of thing. If you haven't made a simcha yet yourself, you probably have no idea of the pressure and work involved. (and money!!!)

The issue is that most people may have no problem getting there. Either they all drive, or are able to take public transport. So the one or two people who have a genuine problem may get overlooked. And if the baal simcha offers a transport option, it can end up being really expensive on their side. Thats why I don't think its an issue to contact the baal simcha and ask for help if you are really struggling. Its easier and cheaper to help one guest find a ride then have to offer it to all of them.

SixOfWands

Thu, Feb 28 2019, 11:43 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

But I'm not sure why OP thinks that it would be easier for one person to coordinate this for everyone who needs rides, as opposed to each person doing it on her own.

An organizer would need to be familiar with the geography of all locations where people need rides, so as not to ask anyone to go far out of their way. Not to mention how many calls would need to be made -- OP complained that she sometimes needs to make 6 calls; multiply that by 20 people in different neighborhoods needing rides.

Obviously, if a simcha is in an out of the way spot, and many guests don't have cars, its nice to offer a party bus from a central location.

And if you know that someone in your group has transportation issues, you should ask if you can. We have a friend who can no longer drive due to a disability; someone always offers her a ride to neighborhood simchas.

Chayalle

Thu, Feb 28 2019, 12:03 pm

to be perfectly honest - when I call a friend who is making a Simcha to offer my help, ride coordinator is not what I have in mind.

But I think if someone would like this job, they could offer it.

I'm more of the type that I can pick things up for her, drive her kids to get their hair done, etc...but arranging rides to the wedding would not be my cup of tea.

trixx

Thu, Feb 28 2019, 12:10 pm

gande wrote:

What if I've been looking forward all week to a quiet hour alone in the car with dh?
I know, not the point. But we've had threads before asking why people won't offer them rides
My sister once asked us for a ride and I said no. Boy did my mother get on our case about that. We had been married a few months and I had booked mikvah in that out of town location on our way back rather than lose the night.

amother

Sienna

Thu, Feb 28 2019, 2:00 pm

amother wrote:

Mazal tov! I know there is a lot to think about when making a simcha; I apologize for giving you something else. I do not have a car, and every time I am invited to a simcha, I have to hustle for rides. Sometimes it takes 4, 5 or 6 calls. Sometimes it doesn't work at all. A few months ago, I missed the wedding of a first cousin, because I wasn't able to find one, and an uber would have been $75.

I know of others who have this issue as well.

Perhaps the next time you are making a simcha and a friend asks you if they can help with something, you can.assign them the task of matching up people who need rides with people who have space. Or even rent a van for them. It would be such a nice way to make people feel welcome.

How about you ask the bal simcha who else is invited from your neighborhood and you try to contact thos invited guest about car sharing or figuring out a way of how to get there together?

heidi

Thu, Feb 28 2019, 2:47 pm

My daughter was at a wedding here in Israel where there were two lists posted: need a ride, and give a ride. People signed up with locations and got/gave rides home. Of course this was mostly for the friends of the couple, who had gotten there by tremp or public transportation.

yksraya

Thu, Feb 28 2019, 3:03 pm

I would either find a way by calling others who I know would go too. Or just take a cab and pay the price. On monday I spent over $150 to get to a chasuna. Dh came to chasuna from manhattan so couldn't drive home just to drive back to brooklyn. It's part of life. Only simchas...

yksraya

Thu, Feb 28 2019, 3:13 pm

sequoia wrote:

All the weddings I’ve attended/been in, the bride and groom arranged rides for everyone who needed. Surprised this isn’t common practice.

In circles where woman don't drive, and families are keh very big, there would be just too many ppl to provide rides for. Some ppl provide a bus to and from, but only if a large percentage of guests are from a particular area and the chasuna is in a different area.