Advice on Tznius

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Post  Wed, Aug 17 2005, 5:45 am
Hi all,
I need some kind of advice here: my husband's sister is not frum. Yesterday she came to my house, dressed in a very fashionable manner very very UNTZNIUS. Mostly uncovered top. Very small top.
I have a ten months old baby boy and I dont want him to grow up seeing that in his own house. Im even unconfortable that my husband has to see all this bare skin!!!
What should I do?
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Post  Wed, Aug 17 2005, 6:45 am
Tell her not to come to your house this way. Ask her nicely to please show consideration and respect the way you have chosen to live.
Will she not go to your house if u tell her to only come tzniusdig?
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Post  Wed, Aug 17 2005, 9:25 am
I was wondering if I should tell her or let my husband tell her......
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Post  Wed, Aug 17 2005, 9:27 am
I think your husband should tell her.....
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Post  Wed, Aug 17 2005, 10:22 am
Its better off if your husband tells her because if you tell her she might be very upset at you for telling her this and might have a grudge against you and with your husband she has no choice to forgive him because they are brother and sister.
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Post  Fri, Aug 19 2005, 7:22 am
Is she doing this out of ignorance, is it her every-day attire, or is she making a point of pritzus especially when she comes over to you? If she is simply not thinking about it, then a polite mention would probably make a difference--she may just not know that seeing other people dressed in a way you wouldn't dress is itself undesirable.

If she is deliberately dressing provocatively when she knows it will offend you, then a greater dialogue between her and her brother is in order, or you may need to avoid her for the time being until she can work out any resentment or fears about your lifestyle.
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Post  Fri, Aug 19 2005, 11:17 am
it depends on who has a better relationship with your sister-in-law, but one thing is certain - she must be told. I don't know a/t about her, but if she's the type of person who would respect ur wishes, but doesn't know what's expected, then ur job will b that much easier. on the other hand, if she's x the type to respect ur wishes, she still must b told but u must know going into this saga, that it will most likely cause some unrest in ur relationship w/ her. either way, she must b told because the relationship that ur children will have w/ judaism is a lot more important than the relationship u and ur family will have w/ ur husband's sister.
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Post  Fri, Aug 19 2005, 1:47 pm
regardless of WHO tells her, make sure it is done in a respectful (to her) manner vs. putting her down as if you are better and greater.

Cushion what you have to say, and make sure it's said at an appropriate time.

And then thank her for understanding and being cooperative about this, especially as you know this would be putting her out on your regard.

good luck!
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Purple Hug Bunny


Post  Mon, Aug 22 2005, 10:22 am
nothing much to add.
You've gotten great advice.
Just wanted to wish you good luck with this.
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