How do I explain surgery to my 6yo?

FranticFrummie

Fri, Mar 01 2019, 7:15 am

No need to mention cutting. He'll be asleep for it anyway.

Tell him that his body has something that needs to be fixed, and the doctor is going to fix it. Tell him he'll be asleep, and that it won't hurt while it's being fixed. Let him know it might be a tiny bit sore when he wakes up, but that he'll be OK, and you'll be right there the whole time.

When DD had her tonsils out, I was way more scared than she was! I just had to be careful to stay cheerful and not let her know how I was feeling. If you act like it's no big deal, your son will be just fine.

singleagain

Fri, Mar 01 2019, 8:01 am

I had surgery when I was a teenager , and even though it was something I wanted, I was very scared. Being so scared I apparently had to be given extra anesthesia. And I remember walking up hyperventilating. Bc the way you go under is the way you come out. So please please please make sure DS isn't scared when going in, or it might be bad coming out.

Also, I remember the doctors let me bring in a CD player with headphones and even extra batteries, (which wasn't rational bc no one would know if it needed changing) but it did help me feel more secure. So if there's anything you can do to make DS feel more secure, see if the Doctors will accommodate.

amother

Violet

Fri, Mar 01 2019, 8:17 am

OP, if you're scared, DC will be scared. No need to take out books & explain everything in depth. That will just scare him. The less he knows, the less scared he'll be. It's a minor outpatient procedure, no hospital stay.
DD had 3 surgeries. We explained that early morning we'll be going to the hospital & the doctor will put you to sleep and totty and mommy will be there when you wake up. Explain that he will feel groggy when he wakes up. Take along a favorite blanket or toy.

amother

Papaya

Fri, Mar 01 2019, 8:45 am

Thanks all.

So far I told him that there’s something in his belly that the doctor will fix. He’s totally fine. But he hasn’t asked any questions yet and am wondering what to say if he does ask (how will the dr reach inside my belly?)

And how will I explain the stitches?

amother

Pearl

Fri, Mar 01 2019, 10:42 am

My son had this surgery as well at the same age. Actually he had it twice! So you should ask your surgeon for a child life specialist to meet you at the surgery to help you and your son deal with it. And also, really important, you should request a book that explains surgery for kids. As far as I know, most children's hospitals have this. My son had his surgery at CHOP and they gave me a lovely book about what was going to happen, naming all the little things. Things that I wouldn't necessarily have thought to explain like the pulse ox, which clips onto their finger, and the hospital robe/pjs that you need to change into, and he knew what everything was so it completely reduced any fear or discomfort. They told us to bring a lovey (stuffed animal, special blanket) for afterwards and it was really helpful. when he woke up, he was in pain and confused a bit. The familiar object helped, because he woke up in strange bed wearing strange hospital robe, so it was a small thing but helpful.

I asked to go into the room and be with my son while they put him out so that may be an option for you. That way my son was never without a parent while awake. I did it the first time, but not the 2nd. It was a bit frightening to see even though they explained e/thing, I was glad I did it once because I find all this stuff interesting, but once was enough!

Ema of 5

Fri, Mar 01 2019, 10:46 am

My son is also 6, and he’s having an endoscopy done this coming Wednesday. I’m going to tell him exactly what it is, and what they will be doing. I would do the same with surgery. Cutting doesn’t have to be scary, especially if you make it matter of fact. They’re not going to slice him open, they’re going to make a little cut. It may even leave a cool scar!

Ema of 5

Fri, Mar 01 2019, 10:50 am

amother wrote:

I don’t understand this. Something is happening to their body, hey are going to wake up feeling strange, and you don’t want to explain it? There’s really not much depth that needs explaining, except explaining what a hernia is.
I really don’t not understand this idea of not being honest with kids.

amother

Pearl

Fri, Mar 01 2019, 11:01 am

Just another comment: I would avoid using words like "cut open" and choose words like "surgically remove" because cut can be a frightening word that implies something that happened by mistake and then I get a booboo or can imply something that can't be put back without noticeable change - like cutting hair or cutting a paper. And when we give a different word that gives context to what is happening and provides a more positive framework it takes away that potential for fear. Surgically remove means the doctor uses special tools to open the body so he can see where it needs to be fixed and then closes the opening back up with stitches or however it will be done in your child's case.

amother

Violet

Fri, Mar 01 2019, 11:04 am

Something is happening to their body, yes. But if we do give them the gory details, like the doctor will cut you ... they will be more scared because they're too young to understand. Telling the child that the doctor will fix something in your tummy and you'll wake up feeling groggy is perfect enough info for a 6 year old.
When one of my kids got tubes in the ears, we told the child that the doctor will fix your ears so you shouldn't get so many ear infections anymore. The more simple you put it down, the less scared the child will be. This is honest with the child on a 6 year old level.

Ema of 5

Fri, Mar 01 2019, 12:07 pm

amother wrote:

I don’t know, I had surgery as a kid, and I’ve had kids who have had surgery, and “the doctor is going to make a little cut” was not at all scary. I don’t give all the anatomical and physiological details, but I be as honest as I can. Then again, my two year old knows that my boys have a peñis and she has a vag-ina, and my 6 year old knows that when a baby is in its mommy’s tummy, it’s in a special place called the uterus and it’s not ACTUALLY in the mommy’s tummy. And my 10 year old knows the basics about zex.

sequoia

Fri, Mar 01 2019, 12:16 pm

amother wrote:

Ema of 4, may I ask why you think it's important for a 2 year old to know that she has a private part & for a 10 year old to know about relations????? Mind boggling.

Speak for yourself.

I learned about zex at eight and there was *nothing* mind-boggling about it. Just, whatever, this is what adults do when they want a baby, who cares?

Telling a small child the details of *his own* upcoming surgery... it’s hard. You have to know your kid and what is likely to mitigate or exacerbate anxiety. Some kids want/need all the info and some don’t.

amother

Violet

Fri, Mar 01 2019, 12:56 pm

I don't think they provide a child life specialist for an outpatient surgery.
It's a minor procedure, if the child see's that the parents make a big deal about it, it will seen very scary to the child.
OP, can the hernia be seen? Is your son in pain?
You can show the hernia to the child and tell him the doctor will fix it while he's asleep and he won't be in pain anymore.

amother

Papaya

Fri, Mar 01 2019, 1:23 pm

amother wrote:

It’s in his scrotum, but the cut will be in his abdominal/pelvic area.
And he’s not in pain. I just noticed that the scrotum was swollen so I had him evaluated.