First bar mitzvah and I’m clueless

mommy3b2c

Sun, Mar 03 2019, 7:52 am

We bh need to start planning our oldest sons bar mitzvah. We are weighing all the options but I am totally clueless about costs. We are thinking of doing a shabbos in a hotel and inviting only immediate family and a few friends. How much can we expect to pay per couple? Cost would include the price of the room for Friday night and Saturday night and sit down meal for Friday night and shabbos lunch. Shalosh seuda would be very simple buffet style. Some rolls, spreads/dips and salads. The hotel would have to be clean, but not look for something fancy.

Also, how much would an evening affair in a typical Brooklyn hall cost per couple? Basic package? How much is a photographer/videographer? How much is a dj? How much is a motivator?

Last question, how much is a shabbos kiddish for about 200 people? Sweet table for ladies, cake for men, alcohol, Cholent, kugel, herring, cold cuts?

octopus

Sun, Mar 03 2019, 8:23 am

Nothing is simple about making it in a hotel. That is a super expensive expenditure.

Find out if your son's school even allows dj or motivator.

All that you are writing adds up. It can easily add up to close to 10 grand and this is not including a hotel for shabbos.

amother

Slateblue

Sun, Mar 03 2019, 8:33 am

We used a hall that provided the food, tablecloths and centerpieces. We paid extra for Thursday night cholent.

Our photographer charged per hour that he is there. We had a one man band that was great. We skipped the motivator and spent $60 on Oriental trading. We had the hall dim the lights for dancing. It was amazing.

Shabbos kiddish was small. Our family doesn't live in my town. We decided not to host them. It saved us alot of money and a big hassle.

The clothing cost was alot. We bought clothing as cheap as we can for the girls. The boys/men needed suits and hats. This adds alot to the budget.

I think we spent in total about $15,000 (we include the tefillin which someone else ended up paying for ) plus airfare for close family. We wanted them to attend the party (this added about another $1,000)

mommy3b2c

Sun, Mar 03 2019, 8:37 am

octopus wrote:

I will not be doing all of it. I am deciding which things to do. I just want to know prices of each thing. The school allows dj and motivator. 10 grand sounds crazy low to me. I would like to know actual prices per couple if someone has an idea.

mommy3b2c

Sun, Mar 03 2019, 8:38 am

amother wrote:

So how much was it per couple?

octopus

Sun, Mar 03 2019, 8:39 am

you need to make phone calls to various venues. It depends on what kind of food you are ordering, what type of hall, sometimes caterer and hall are package deal.

ETA: It should be caterer that you are calling. I know you are trying to get an idea. I would say the different places I looked into varied between $25-$30 a couple for standard stuff no upgrades.

Last edited by octopus on Sun, Mar 03 2019, 8:45 am; edited 2 times in total

PinkFridge

Sun, Mar 03 2019, 8:41 am

Mazel tov!!!
Assuming the means are there (they are, right?) do what gives you the greatest menuchas hanefesh, will make your son happy, and be meaningful. (I leave the prioritizing of these considerations to you Wink

)

mommy3b2c

Sun, Mar 03 2019, 8:43 am

PinkFridge wrote:

)

I have a limited amount of means. And my husband, my son and I all want different things. So I am trying to make us all happy within our means. That’s why I’m trying to figure out prices.

amother

Slateblue

Sun, Mar 03 2019, 8:49 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

So how much was it per couple?

$42 a couple. Class was invited as well
Plus waiters
Plus hall fee ($600)

We spent an extra $350 on food

We wanted this hall for a specific reason that has to do with location, due to the fact that most people had to travel to come.

mommish613

Sun, Mar 03 2019, 8:57 am

Assuming we are talking about New York- with the hotel- it depends on a lot of things. If you are bringing in your own caterer, it will cost more, regardless of the size of the party. There will likely be a minimum for food and possibly the rooms as well if you want to get a group rate. You will also need a separate room for davening, a Sefer Torah, siddurim etc. There are a lot of little details you need to cover unless you are hiring an event planner. I’ve heard people making very small weekends for 35k-50k but I don’t know more details.

A more economical way of doing things is finding a hotel that has events over shabbos regularly and combining caterers with another party. Obviously you would have your own room for meals and you may be more restricted with the menu but you could save a lot.

Amelia Bedelia

Sun, Mar 03 2019, 9:03 am

We recently attended a beautiful affair at the DoubleTree of Tarrytown. There were a couple of other kosher affairs that Shabbos too.

In general, if you use the hall's in-house caterer, there will usually not be an additional hall fee.

PinkFridge

Sun, Mar 03 2019, 9:05 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

I have a limited amount of means. And my husband, my son and I all want different things. So I am trying to make us all happy within our means. That’s why I’m trying to figure out prices.

Hatzlacha and mazel tov!

mommy3b2c

Sun, Mar 03 2019, 9:07 am

Amelia Bedelia wrote:

Thanks for this. I will call them. The hotel has a kosher caterer?

amother

Magenta

Sun, Mar 03 2019, 9:14 am

It really depends.
Your best bet is calling caterers and halls and starting there
Are there any bar mitzvahs you've been to recently? You can call those places /caterers.

I was at a bar mitzvah that easily cost over 100k.
Shabbos bar mitzvah was 25-30k.
Then u have ppl making the whole thing for 10k.

Mazal tov

amother

Powderblue

Sun, Mar 03 2019, 9:17 am

We paid abt 10k in an upscale Brooklyn hall. You can prbdbly get away with 5k for a small, lower grade one.

This included the catered event only. No photo, music etc

Start by calling halls that you like their standards to get an idea of prices and minimums.

Raisin

Sun, Mar 03 2019, 9:29 am

the hotel sounds really expensive. Is that a must? Is it a standard thing in your circles? Why not do a local catered friday night (in your home or a small shul hall) plus a nice kiddush. You could rent hotel rooms for non local guests.

Re photographer - we saved a lot of money by hiring a photographer to come and do a family photo shoot before the event for about an hour. She also took some pictures of the hall setup. Then we has a friend take pics at the party.

amother

Lemon

Sun, Mar 03 2019, 9:39 am

Hotels don't go by couples. Food & a room per couple would come out to about $350 a couple. Plus you'll have to pay for the ballrooms you'll be taking out and for space in the kitchen. You can expect the hotel shabbos to cost you $15,000-$20,000, Give or take depending on how many couples you have.
A kiddush for 200 people would be a minimum of $5,000. A typical hall in Brooklyn is around $75 a couple per meal.
Bar Mitzvah is one thing that we do very simple. Just a catered meal the day of the child's birthday for immediate family.