First bar mitzvah and I’m clueless

amother

Orchid

Sun, Mar 03 2019, 10:19 am

lol, and then you have people who live in the midwest like me. We had just the immediate family over for dinner at our house and I cooked the meal. Cost maybe $200 for 30 people. Then we had a large kiddush at shul for $1500 and invited the whole community. Lunch was about $1500 for 50 people (his friends came). Melave malka was at my home and partly catered ($500). Sunday brunch was at my home and I cooked it ($100) and then we did a Sunday outing for the boys in his class ($500). Photographer and flowers for the weekend we overspent on ($1500) but now I know better for the next one.

Most of the family that flew in stayed either at a local hotel or at neighbors and paid for their own travel and hotel. But one family member couldn't afford it so we paid. (that cost $2K but it was an immediate family member so it was important for us to do so)

With new clothing and stuff, it was a little over $7K total, not including his tefillin. No one expects more than this and the local institutions need our tzedekah much more than a lavish Sat night event. I'm proud this is how we do it.

Not sure how much it matters to add this, but we are very wealthy and could afford to make our simchas like a small wedding but we choose not to.

pesek zman

Sun, Mar 03 2019, 10:29 am

For what it its worth, my parents hosted my Shabbos sheva Brachos is a small (but quite decent) Lakewood hotel. We took over most of the rooms and the hotel had a shul and dining room. My parents were obviously able to keep the her guest list down (which if they did it in their neighborhood they would have had to have all their friends and neighbors for a large kiddish, plus close family (especially out of town guests) for Friday night, Shabbos lunch and shalosh seudos (It was summer) I don’t know how much they spent but it was definitely less than they would have otherwise. Again the guest list was small (40?) and no one got insulted when they weren’t invited since only family was (though my husband and I were each allowed to have 2 friends)

gold21

Sun, Mar 03 2019, 10:32 am

Kiddush is usually around $10/person, can be upgraded to something more expensive. Depends what you want.

An evening meal can range from $23/person to $80/person.... There's a big range. Depends what you want. That doesn't include hall rental, mashgiach cost, waiters, etc, which should be calculated separately.

Hall costs can range from $500 to $2000 per day (if you're having a shabbos event, Friday and shabbos are separate days).

Call some halls, find out if they have work exclusively with certain caterers. If so, call those caterers. If not, ask around and select a caterer that appeals to you.

I don't know anything about hotel bar mitzah events.

Mazal Tov!

doodlesmom

Sun, Mar 03 2019, 12:26 pm

Paradise manor and lipshitz hall start at $70 a couple for the bare minimum- think chicken bottoms
The Millenium is around $5000 all inclusive for 50 couples and additional $65 a couple
Belz on 15 and Granduer are also catered by Kaufman but the pricing is a bit cheaper than Millenium
The Renaissance has a min of 200 pple for the whole hall and I forgot how much per couple I think around $80
Schicks is $64 a couple but all other fees are not included and their min for the whole hall is 85 couples

amother

Cerulean

Sun, Mar 03 2019, 12:32 pm

I have never made a bar mitzvah but am in the simcha biz I would reccomend you call the halls where you plan on making the simcha such as young israel of ave k, they also can take care of a hotel shabbos for you they are classic kosher catering, or call a party planner who can take care of whichever party you decide to go with and she can give you pricing
Good luck

amother

Red

Sun, Mar 03 2019, 12:37 pm

amother wrote:

Welcome the requisite ‘ I can do it cheaper ‘ imaamother choir. Some ppl don’t want the cheapest option. She doesn’t live out of town. She may have other reasons for wanting to upgrade...

amother

Crimson

Sun, Mar 03 2019, 6:00 pm

First of all mazel tov, super exciting!
For my ds, I ended up using the party room of a restaurant & it came out cheaper and was much less stressful than having a hall & caterer.
They got decorations, the color tablecloths and napkins I wanted, even the cake, desserts etc.
Most restaurants have different levels of food options & costs.
This was just done for immediate family so I didn't need a minimum of couples.
Was a more intimate type of event & more enjoyable.
We tried to save by skipping a photographer, which I regret.
The music was onan ipod so no dj- the school doesn't allow it.

For shabbos I went w a party planner who took care of everything from food to decor to cakes etc & I paid her. It was a lot more than I anticipated, but as I am unable to do it myself (for health reasons) it was a necessity.

amother

Linen

Sun, Mar 03 2019, 6:22 pm

Our kiddush cost around 2500. Ended up being less because people paid for things through the party planner. We got a very well priced party planner and it came out gorgeous. Everyone was talking about how gorgeous it was. The only thing was we didn’t anticipate how many people would come and almost all the food was finished, which makes me wonder if we should have had more. I’m not sure how many people were there, so I apologize if this post wasn’t helpful...

amother

Peach

Sun, Mar 03 2019, 6:36 pm

There are so many ways to do a bar Mitzvah! For our sons’ bar Mitzvahs, we let each of them specify the details of one event that was very important to them. One wanted a real boys party, one preferred to go to Israel and forego his friends participating in a big party (we did a small event in school for him.)
After that, we added the things that were important to each of us parents.
That’s what worked for our family to make everyone happy and B”H no regrets.

octopus

Sun, Mar 03 2019, 7:38 pm

A lot of ppl I know took their ds to e'y for the bar mitzvah and when they came back treated class to special breakfast or lunch in school (where really close family came as well). So there are many ways to do bar mitzvahs besides shabbos and/or a party.Although going to e'y is not so cheap either. but maybe more meaningful?

mommy3b2c

Sun, Mar 03 2019, 8:09 pm

sky wrote:

I’m pricing caterers now.
For 100 people per meal on dishes with waiters for the 2 main Shabbos meals it’s about 7000 not including the hall and shalosh suedos. Adding meat or salmon is additional. (29 per person + waiters and mashgiach).

So this is for the caterer? And then I would also have to pay per each hotel room. Are most caterers able to cater in hotels? Or are there specific hotels that use specific caterers?

mommy3b2c

Sun, Mar 03 2019, 8:11 pm

tichellady wrote:

She’s asking about the price not how she can do it cheaper. I’m sure she knows there are cheaper options. That doesn’t mean they are the best option for her family.

Thank you. You said it nicer then I could. I don’t understand what I can’t ask about prices without being told how much more cheaply other people did it. I want to do it the cheapest possible in the way that makes me, my husband and my son happiest. That’s why I’m asking for prices.

DVOM

Sun, Mar 03 2019, 8:24 pm

Mazal Tov Mommy3b2c!! So exciting! I'm sure whatever you do will be fabulous!!

I know you didn't ask for opinions, so feel free to skip this if you like, but here are my 2 cents:

If I could afford it, I would definitely go with a weekend hotel bar mitzvah. No one is in a rush to go anywhere and you and the people you care about the most can really spend quality time together, celebrating this incredible milestone. Growing up, some of my first cousins had weekend bar mitzvahs; it was so wonderful to bond with aunts, uncles, and cousins. Those weekends are some of my fondest childhood memories.