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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
Should I write a letter to the hanhala?
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amother
Forestgreen


 

Post Tue, Mar 05 2019, 1:29 pm
Well it’s thr same for girls also. I had a seminary interview and this semi was tops and for my type blah blah and the interview was not good. I sat down and the rabbi who came got a phone call in the middle and took it (don’t think he said excuse me or anything) and used my paper for notes and driving directions. I thought to myself well at least he’ll remember me! And he was on the phone for quite a while. When I came out I went to the administrator and she was all happy and said nu how was it and I said I don’t want an acceptance letter from them. She was shocked but I repeated myself and didn’t tell her what happened. She was really shocked but I went to a different seminary (had great reputation) and had a great year. And I didn’t get an acceptance letter from the other seminary.
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Sebastian




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 05 2019, 1:29 pm
DVOM now THAT is a mechanech!
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DrMom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 05 2019, 1:30 pm
amother wrote:
No there will be no rejection letter. That’s it.

How do you know?

How long ago was the interview?

Do you know if other applicants heard back yet?

Did other applicants have a similar interview experience?

I think you're reading way too much into this. Just wait and see -- not much you can do now. Did your son apply anywhere else?
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thunderstorm




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 05 2019, 1:32 pm
OP I have been in your shoes and felt that humiliation, anger, hurt all of it. But what I didn't realize then when all this was happening that it was truly a blessing in disguise. That yeshiva wasn't deserving of my son. Had he been accepted they would never had given him the opportunities of growth the way the other yeshiva that he ended up attending did. That yeshiva he ended up in was not anywhere on our list. We never dreamed it would be a good fit. But it was and he was really successful. HaShem is pulling the strings . Yes, Menahelim, Roshei Yeshiva and Principals often surprise us with their lack of basic mentchlichkeit. We expect so much more from them and it's a big turn off when they show their true colors. But that's Hashems way of pushing us in the right direction, towards a different yeshiva that will embrace your son for who he is and he will iy"h succeed there. We plan things but HaShem has the better plan and the full picture of what the DS needs. I would not waste kochos writing a letter. These yeshivos have received such letters and they will not make any changes. I gave up on that. I try to keep in mind that HaShem has a master plan and we have to fully trust in it. It's hard to do while you are in it...but when you get to look back you see how it was all a blessing in disguise
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amother
Crimson


 

Post Tue, Mar 05 2019, 1:59 pm
thunderstorm wrote:
OP I have been in your shoes and felt that humiliation, anger, hurt all of it. But what I didn't realize then when all this was happening that it was truly a blessing in disguise. That yeshiva wasn't deserving of my son. Had he been accepted they would never had given him the opportunities of growth the way the other yeshiva that he ended up attending did. That yeshiva he ended up in was not anywhere on our list. We never dreamed it would be a good fit. But it was and he was really successful. HaShem is pulling the strings . Yes, Menahelim, Roshei Yeshiva and Principals often surprise us with their lack of basic mentchlichkeit. We expect so much more from them and it's a big turn off when they show their true colors. But that's Hashems way of pushing us in the right direction, towards a different yeshiva that will embrace your son for who he is and he will iy"h succeed there. We plan things but HaShem has the better plan and the full picture of what the DS needs. I would not waste kochos writing a letter. These yeshivos have received such letters and they will not make any changes. I gave up on that. I try to keep in mind that HaShem has a master plan and we have to fully trust in it. It's hard to do while you are in it...but when you get to look back you see how it was all a blessing in disguise


I agree on all and forgot to say this happened over a year ago, ds got into another great Yeshiva, is doing great, I know it wasn’t meant to be but it never stopped bothering me cuz that Yeshiva has a great rep and every time I see an ad for their dinner the bad experience comes back to me. I don’t believe it was mindless or a guy thing I know it was on purpose not being nice cuz they didn’t want us
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33055




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 05 2019, 2:02 pm
amother wrote:
I agree on all and forgot to say this happened over a year ago, ds got into another great Yeshiva, is doing great, I know it wasn’t meant to be but it never stopped bothering me cuz that Yeshiva has a great rep and every time I see an ad for their dinner the bad experience comes back to me. I don’t believe it was mindless or a guy thing I know it was on purpose not being nice cuz they didn’t want us


Do you think they removed the chairs because the child of a divorce was being interviewed? If that was the case, they wouldn't have bothered considering you.
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amother
Silver


 

Post Tue, Mar 05 2019, 2:10 pm
OP, you’re overthinking this.
Try to move on.
Don’t send a letter, you’d be wasting your time.
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amother
Plum


 

Post Tue, Mar 05 2019, 2:48 pm
Deleted
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ectomorph




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 05 2019, 2:52 pm
My parents aren't divorced and I got rejected from every high school that I wanted to get into (got into my safety school)

and you know what? I look back and I'm so thrilled I didn't go there. I ended up much happier and less pressured
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 05 2019, 3:16 pm
OP, I hope you're seeing a pattern here.

Hashem will make sure your son gets into the exact perfect school for him.

One thing I've learned in life, is that when you don't get what you thought you wanted, thank Hashem! With 100% accuracy, I can look back and see why I wasn't meant to have that apartment/job/whatever.
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cm




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 05 2019, 3:18 pm
The bit about the chairs is peculiar. Is there no waiting area anywhere in the facility?

What I don't understand is why you didn't ask questions when invited to do so, whether about the interview or any other aspect of the program. If your chronology is accurate, you already knew that your son was tested on new material. Wouldn't it be better to ask about it than to send an angry letter? If you were too surprised to think of it on the spot, you could follow up with a question, respectfully worded, the next day.
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Miri7




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 05 2019, 4:48 pm
How many times, as a mother, have I been disappointed that my child didn't get what I wanted for them and thought was best for them, only to later see that the first rejection was a necessary step for them to end up where they should be after all.

(That said, I do sympathize with your bad interview experience. No one likes to feel insulted.)
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dancingqueen




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 05 2019, 4:52 pm
DVOM wrote:
I feel for you OP.

My son went to a special education public school preschool from ages 3-5. He was born very premature and needed the support services that public school could provide (OT, PT, SLP, DIR, ABA). When we went for elementary school interviews we knew that it would be a mark against us. We were told by a few people not to put the name of the school on our application, but to put down the teacher’s name ('morah XYZ': he was in a class with Frum teacher and mostly Frum kids). We didn't want to lie by omission. It felt wrong to start an eight-year relationship that way. We figured that anyone who wouldn’t want to take our brilliant and adorable little guy because we’d gotten him the support he needed wasn’t a good match for us anyway. Even with this mindset though, rejection hurts. Most of the schools didn’t even bother to grant us an interview. One gave us an interview, but took one look at our application and said “Oh, we didn’t notice this… had we noticed we would never have called you in for an interview. We don’t take kids like that in our school, sorry we made you come in for nothing” and promptly stood up to dismiss us from the interview. My husband replied: “Great, thanks for letting us know. We don’t take schools like that for our kid. Had we known, we wouldn’t have come.” I walked out of there so proud of DH (soooo out of character for him!), but still hurting and embarrassed inside.

The school that took us: We’d been granted an interview and went wearily. The menahel sat us down, quizzed our kid on the aleph bais and parsha, schmoozed with us for a few minutes about the school’s philosophy and education system, asked us a bit about ourselves. We waited our hearts in our toes for him to comment on the fact that our kid was in public school. He never did. As we got up to leave, I said (with my husband kicking me under the table) “I’m sure you noticed, Rabbi XYZ, that we sent DS to public school these past two years. Do you have any questions about it?” He gave us a huge smile and said: “Mrs. DVOM, I’ve been an elementary school principal for 30 years, and a Primary Rebbe before that. What are you going to tell me that I haven’t already seen before? He needed help in speech, needed OT? Of course, we’ll need to talk before he starts school to see what sort of help he needs, but we’re going to love him and care for him just like any other little Jewish child. He’s going to do great here.” We’ve been in the school for six years now, and have three kids in school. I don’t always agree with everything the school does, but my boys really do feel loved, valued, and safe. I hope your painful rejection paves the way for the right school for your son.

Most people have reccomended not writing a letter, but I feel differently. I don't know if it will accomplish much, but if it is written in a respectful way, perhaps it will save another family from feeling what you felt. Perhaps wait until your anger has died down, until your son is safely accepted to another school, so that you can write clearly, without your frustration and anxiety for your kid diluting your message. I wish I would have written a letter to the school that aborted our interview, just to let them know how hurtful it felt from my perspective. I considered it, but felt that my husbands sharp (and super fun!) rejoinder kind of burnt that bridge. Either way, best of luck to you and your boy!


Your sons principal sounds wonderful!
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DrMom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 06 2019, 8:47 am
amother wrote:
I agree on all and forgot to say this happened over a year ago, ds got into another great Yeshiva, is doing great, I know it wasn’t meant to be but it never stopped bothering me cuz that Yeshiva has a great rep and every time I see an ad for their dinner the bad experience comes back to me. I don’t believe it was mindless or a guy thing I know it was on purpose not being nice cuz they didn’t want us

Over a year ago?

Let it go.
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