S/O at what age did you feel grown up ?

amother

Cerulean

Fri, Mar 08 2019, 10:47 am

amother wrote:

Same here

amother

Black

Fri, Mar 08 2019, 10:48 am

When I started taking my life into my hands,reaching out for help going to therapy as a teenager behind my families back...
when things that bother people my age don't because I am so past it....
when I realize how hard life has been and I survived it all!

gold21

Fri, Mar 08 2019, 10:53 am

amother wrote:

Sometimes I feel like a child still, but I can remember so many moments of adulthood:

The night my not-yet husband told me that he had a mental health diagnosis, explaining
what it meant slowly, tentatively, honestly. His humility, his fear, his hope was clear on his face, showing me what I meant to him, how in a matter of weeks what I thought and felt had come to matter to him, to matter dearly. Reassuring him that it wouldn't change anything, knowing in that moment that I was powerful in a way I had never been before, that as interest and curiosity and flirtation solidified into respect, into love, I was tied now to another person in a way I'd never been before. It was scary, that power, knowing that his vulnerability had given me the power to wound, the power to protect. Knowing that if things continued this way, I’d be vulnerable too, he would have the power to damage or shelter me. Knowing, instinctively, that I could trust him, that he would treat the trust I put in him as sacred, knowing in that moment that if he asked, I’d be his.

The day I took my son home from the NICU. He was the size of a potato chip bag. My husband and I stayed up all night, watching him breath, barely breathing ourselves.

Hearing my pediatrician's mildly worded concerns about my son's development and feeling my stomach drop out, my heart beat stutter. Staring down at the referral that would send us to a developmental neurologist with the words PDD-ASD on it. Coming home from the neurologist with my son after getting his diagnosis, putting him in for a nap and leaning over the rail of the crib to watch him, tears of grief, confusion, anger, fear making dark blue dots on his blanket.

Sending my son into school one morning, his eyes tearful and fearful, his voice watery and resigned, knowing that my growing sense of dread over the past few months could not be ignored any longer, knowing that something was wrong but not knowing what, feeling helpless and tired, watching him trudge bravely into the building, the bravery of a solider headed into battle low on ammunition but willing, every day willing, to fight the good fight. I felt my resolve, my courage, rise, stiffen, stick, flooded with the surety that I would do whatever it took to help him. I pulled away from the parking lot strong. I was his mother, I would figure this out.

Watching my kids make paper airplanes together, their faces serious and serene, voices calm, flexible, thoughtful, hard at work, working together. Knowing what it took to get us here. Knowing that no one else would see this the way I did. After all, what is the big deal? It’s just a couple of kids, making airplanes. But my heart is flying, my eyes are flooding.

Walking my crying baby through the streets in the dark of a warm night. He’d been crying for hours, and looked set to keep crying for hours more. I felt calm. I was strong, I could hold him for as long as he needed. I sang, and walked, certain in the knowledge that he’d be calm eventually, that I’d sleep eventually, that before long he would crawl, walk, talk, that time would pass, this stage would pass. He fell asleep, but I kept walking. Time would pass so quickly.

Telling my sister that I would donate my liver to her husband. Feeling no conflict of emotions, no regret.

You are an incredibly talented writer. And clearly an incredibly devoted mother, wife, and sister/sister in law, amongst other titles you surely hold. Thumbs Up

Last edited by gold21 on Fri, Mar 08 2019, 10:55 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Brown

Fri, Mar 08 2019, 10:55 am

I was just saying something similar to my husband last night. How we use to be “the young married couple with little kids.” But now we’re both 30 with 4 kids who are like real people! We’re both so tired and stressed with just day to day life that it makes Us feel older than we are. In retrospect, I wish I didn’t become an adult so fast. I wish I lived my childhood better and took advantage of being young and single longer instead of always being the responsible and practical one and getting married and having kids right away. So I guess I became an adult with responsibilities and I just aged along the way.

amother

Lawngreen

Fri, Mar 08 2019, 11:01 am

I am 35 kh and dont feel grown up.
What does it feel like? Asking seriously.
Im still not confident in what I do and my opinions. I get intimidated by people many of whom are younger than me but in my mind they are an adult and Im still not. Its very strange. I just feel the same as I felt as a kid/teenager. Do any of you grown up people feel like that ever?
And I do have responsibilites..a family, a job, etc.

gold21

Fri, Mar 08 2019, 11:33 am

amother wrote:

I guess I do generally feel confident in my opinions. I mean, I second guess myself like anyone else, but I do tend to do my own thing and I'm fine with it. I have as many insecurities as the next person, I'm not saying that I'm this uber-confident person, but in terms of trusting my gut and feeling sure of my opinions, I think I've trusted myself in that way from a pretty early age.

There are a few factors that helped me develop this side of myself. But without getting into it, yeah, so that's the story.

But yeah, I guess that's a big part of feeling like a grown up. Trusting your gut, owning your opinions, doing your thing, not feeling intimidated by others, etc. I dunno.

Last edited by gold21 on Sat, Mar 09 2019, 7:52 pm; edited 1 time in total

keym

Fri, Mar 08 2019, 11:45 am

The time we had an issue with one of our kids, and we sat down to start working through and planning.
Only when our plan was worked out, we discussed calling and informing our parents and the pros and cons.
For some reason, that was my "grown up" moment. Where neither one of us expected or even hoped for our parents to take care and make this crisis go away.

amother

Orange

Fri, Mar 08 2019, 11:46 am

In some ways I've felt grown up since I was a kid. I've always been mature and responsible and capable.

In other ways, at 46, I still feel like a kid. I still feel youthful and like to be silly sometimes but mostly the thing that makes me feel more kid-like and less grown-up is that my memories of my parents when I was a kid.... they always seemed so authoratative, so sure of themselves, like they never questioned their decissions and knew the right way to handle everything. I, on the other hand, always feel like I'm winging it, like I'm throwing darts blindfolded and hoping for the best, like I'm making the best decission with the information I have but still totally unsure of myself.... Maybe my parents also felt this way but didn't show it. Of maybe they had a lot more confidence than I do. Somehow I feel like I'm not fully "grown-up" until I have that confident authority.

amother

Floralwhite

Fri, Mar 08 2019, 12:22 pm

When my father died, suddenly and traumatically, I became an adult overnight. I lost both of my parents that day - my father to septic shock and my mother to her grief. I was 31.

amother

Yellow

Fri, Mar 08 2019, 12:24 pm

Being there for my father in the hospital as he grew more frail and bruised and lost his ability to communicate. Speaking with his doctors, discussing possibilities and plans. And finally, staying with his body in the hospital room while we waited for the chevra kadisha, then speaking with the chevra kadisha and making more plans.

That night, as I left the hospital for the last time, I remember thinking, This is the most adult thing I've ever done.

amother

Smokey

Fri, Mar 08 2019, 12:33 pm

When I got a minivan. Seriously. I kept saying, "I'm a real mom now. I'm driving carpool, in a car that's more practical than easy to drive. I made sure the cupholders fit my kids' favorite sippy cups. I've got a full-fledged family."

thunderstorm

Fri, Mar 08 2019, 12:34 pm

Delete

Last edited by thunderstorm on Fri, Mar 08 2019, 12:40 pm; edited 1 time in total

thunderstorm

Fri, Mar 08 2019, 12:37 pm

Unfortunately at the age of 11 I was filling 85% of a mother's role in the home. And year after year I was more grown up than I should have been. Yet I have a youthfulness to me that makes me feel much younger than I am. I'lol still sing my camp songs with the choreography out loud with my sister as we sit in a car together.
I get excited when I see dolls, doll clothing and accessories .
But in a way I always took and still take life too seriously .
So I'm a mixed bag.
People think I'm younger than I am when I meet them. I can get along with a 12 year old and be relatable just as much as I am to a 35 yr old.
My oldest child will be 18 in a month and now that I will have an adult child that makes me feel grown up...
My grandmother A"H at the age of 93 would say "Lets face it the aging process is starting"... halevi I will feel that way that I only start feeling the aging process at 93!

amother

Navy

Fri, Mar 08 2019, 12:42 pm

I'm 49, and my mother still calls to give me advice.
So, not feeling completely grown up yet. And incredibly grateful to have such a wonderful mother.

amother

Azure

Fri, Mar 08 2019, 2:23 pm

Looking back, I thought I was pretty grown up in my late 20's and 30's--a bunch of kids, a career, owned a home, and all that. When my father died when I was 40 years old, I suddenly knew I really was grown up. It changed me. and a few months after that, we made our oldest son's bar mitzvah--yet another milestone for a parent.

Surrendered

Fri, Mar 08 2019, 2:28 pm

The younger I was, the more mature I felt. When I got engaged, I felt mature. When I had my first baby, I felt even more mature.
Now, the older I get, the less I feel it.
I feel humbled and less grown up.

thunderstorm

Fri, Mar 08 2019, 2:42 pm

amother wrote:

I wish you posted under your SN so that I could tell you what an absolutely amazing person you are. Your post was a true inspiration .

Zehava

Fri, Mar 08 2019, 4:00 pm

I’m an old soul. I was born grown up. But life experience keeps shaping me and teaching me.

Ruchel

Sat, Mar 09 2019, 2:06 pm

I thought when I got married but LOL

amother

Lemon

Sat, Mar 09 2019, 5:37 pm

Different experiences, at different stages of my life, have made me felt grown up in different ways.

When I was in my late teens, earning money to cover my own social life.
When I was in my early twenties and I moved halfway across the world on my own to attend college.
When I was in my mid twenties and got married and had my own home for the very first time.
When I was in my late twenties and bought my first home.
When, somewhere in my thirties, I realized I was a great mom. That more than anything else has made me feel grown up.

That said, I still feel like a teenager whenever I step into a parent conference in one of my children's school.