Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Relationships -> Simcha Section
First daughter is a kallah bh, younger sisters are resentful
Previous  1  2  3  4



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

33055




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 11 2019, 12:45 pm
amother wrote:
I don't have teens yet, but most people I know are spending more on their teen's clothes than on their own. I do run in more low income circles though.


Do you think that's because they need to be replaced more often? Or do you spend more on individual pieces for your kids?

I buy a skirt and it lasts me for years. When I can no longer use it outside my house, it becomes a cooking skirt.

One teen of mine loves nice quality fabrics. That child has always been sensory. I need to spend or it won't be worn. Another teen of mine likes trendy things. I don't have to spend as much for trendy clothes as they are not constructed to last.

I do spend on outfits for Shabbatons because evidently it is criminal to wear the same dress twice. I like to do smart shopping for this though.
Back to top

amother
Smokey


 

Post Mon, Mar 11 2019, 12:57 pm
I apologize if I am repeating what others said. I am rushing out the door and don't have time to read the thread. But when I went through this, when 1st dd was engaged, I made a point of giving special attention to the younger one. We had special outings, just the two of us, and not just ones that were wedding related. It helped a lot.
Back to top

Fox




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 11 2019, 1:00 pm
Honestly, this sounds like a perfect storm.

Young teens and pre-teens are at their most insecure, emotional, and hormonal. They are mercurial and prone to drama even without any triggers.

Kallahs, even when not bridezillas, are often floating on air and happiness. They're in a wonderful place, but they can get pretty darned annoying to everyone else.

Combine all this and add an estrogen-fueled cloud over the house, and you're probably lucky to get off with only some kvetching, whining, and general bad temper.

So, yes, balance the chassunah hoopla with the family's need for routine and emotional nurturing. Don't go to extremes in either direction.

And, yes, try to give the younger sisters plenty of attention and non-chassunah-related attention.

But don't worry too much, either. Unless there are genuine underlying issues, things will settle down after the wedding, when you and the younger sisters will all be ready for a little calm.
Back to top

mig100




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 11 2019, 5:16 pm
Fox wrote:
Honestly, this sounds like a perfect storm.

Young teens and pre-teens are at their most insecure, emotional, and hormonal. They are mercurial and prone to drama even without any triggers.

Kallahs, even when not bridezillas, are often floating on air and happiness. They're in a wonderful place, but they can get pretty darned annoying to everyone else.

Combine all this and add an estrogen-fueled cloud over the house, and you're probably lucky to get off with only some kvetching, whining, and general bad temper.

So, yes, balance the chassunah hoopla with the family's need for routine and emotional nurturing. Don't go to extremes in either direction.

And, yes, try to give the younger sisters plenty of attention and non-chassunah-related attention.

But don't worry too much, either. Unless there are genuine underlying issues, things will settle down after the wedding, when you and the younger sisters will all be ready for a little calm.


fox- you hit the hammer on the nail once again. getting to the wrote of the situation and explaining it in your well- written manner.

your post says it all. theres not much to add just want to emphasize as you said

kallahs and teenaged girls are both really intensely emotional. add the 2 together under one house = enough emotions under to make a mother go nuts.

the only practical solution I can think of to survive having daughters engaged- is to keep the engagement as short as possible ( without going into all the technical details- its not always possible)

as beautiful and happy and exciting an engagement is, there is a LOT of emotion involved. when emotions are high- stress gets even higher.

when people tell me their engagement was "so much fun" I wonder if they are one of the few truely blessed with a smooth engagement or they simply forgot all the stress

remember everything wil fall into place and once it the weeding day comes- everyone will be relaxed again!

mazol tov- enjoy the simcha and may they build a beuatiful bayis neeman byisrols
Back to top

Miri7




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 11 2019, 6:06 pm
I agree with Fox. When I know there is going to be a big hullabaloo about one of the kids, then I specifically make special time to focus on the others, one at a time. It can be sitting on their bed, asking them about the things they have going on, what they need, or let them know you've made a plan to go with them to do that one thing you know they need or want to do. It helps a LOT to know that your mom is thinking of you and making plans to get things done just for you.

Also - 12-14 year old girls???? Oy, this is a perfect storm like someone else said. May we all survive the teen years whole and in good health.
Back to top
Page 4 of 4 Previous  1  2  3  4 Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Relationships -> Simcha Section

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Weight Gain- First Trimester 1 Today at 6:23 pm View last post
Menu planners - first course
by amother
11 Today at 3:03 pm View last post
Daughter was waitlisted at NJ high schools, what to do?
by amother
17 Today at 10:01 am View last post
My first girl - earrings
by amother
3 Yesterday at 8:56 pm View last post
Kallah Gown Gemach BP
by amother
1 Tue, Mar 26 2024, 9:35 pm View last post