Do not call my baby fat!

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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amother

Jade

Sun, Mar 10 2019, 10:39 am

Would this bother other people? I am very bothered by this interaction. My DH always is dan lkaf zechus and is positive the person was well meaning. I can't get it out of my head.

We went to shabbos lunch at a friend's and there was someone there who I had never met before. We had our beautiful 6 month old, happy, thriving baby with us. (Can you tell I am in love with her?) She is quite chubby and delicious. This woman makes a comment about how big she is and how she looks like she could be a year old, and how old is she. Ok. Then she keeps talking about how big she is and how her stomach and cheeks are so big. Then she asks what percentile is she in. I responded shes in the 50th which she was at the last dr appointment. She then responds, no I'm not asking percentile for height, I'm asking what percentile for weight is she in.

Well EXCUSE ME! Should I ask her how much she weighs and her blood pressure? First of all, don't keep going. Clearly I was not enjoying this conversation based on my body language and voice. Second of all, it is NONE of your business what my baby's percentile is. And if she was off the charts, then don't you think it would be a cause of stress for me and you should pry out of it considering I don't even know you?? And just btw shes wearing 9 month clothing. Its not like she's disgustingly huge. Shes chubby and has perfect rolls for me to kiss all day. Smile

So annoyed by this interaction. Wondering if anyone else would feel this way.

asmileaday

Sun, Mar 10 2019, 10:43 am

It was odd that she was going on an on. But generally speaking it's a compliment when a baby is chubby. It's cute and adorable!

enjoying kids

Sun, Mar 10 2019, 10:46 am

Nah, we adults have a lot of baggage around the word "fat" but that doesn't apply to your cute, chubby baby! Would you be offended from being asked your baby's age as you would with your own? The guest does sound like she missed your social cues, though. And by the way my fattest babies grew into my skinniest kids...

amother

Silver

Sun, Mar 10 2019, 10:55 am

Yup I totally agree. “What are you feeding her??” umm same thing anyone else feeds their baby! Makes me really upset. I’ve gotten the percentile questions too.

And I’m not talking about the times that people say how cute she is. Then I don’t mind. But when it comes along with questions like “are you sure she wants to eat more or maybe she just doesn’t know how to tell you to stop” I dont take it as a compliment.

dancingqueen

Sun, Mar 10 2019, 10:57 am

That lady was rude but probably has her own issues with weight that’s why she was obsessing.

roses

Sun, Mar 10 2019, 11:03 am

I've always seen commenting on baby's fatness as a compliment! It means the mom is doing a good job of feeding her, especially if she is breastfeeding. I always loved comments and compliments on my baby's fatness, and I do the same.

amother

Gray

Sun, Mar 10 2019, 11:06 am

Please tell me my baby is fat. Comment on the rolls of fat along her thighs. Love her pudgy cheeks and double chins. Act shocked she is in 20% while so very fat. I loooooove a fat baby!!!!

Why is it negative if s baby is fat?

Plus if I don’t know you it’s the safest conversation.

(Btw it could be she had nothing else to discuss so just stuck to what she thought was safe territory

Surrendered

Sun, Mar 10 2019, 11:14 am

A chubby baby is healthy and delicious. Be proud with it. Some people haven't gotten the gift of understanding social cues and being sensitive to other people's feelings. She probably just meant to make casual conversation, Please don't take it personal.
If someone asks you a question that you feel is inappropriate, just ask: oh, why are you asking?

causemommysaid

Sun, Mar 10 2019, 11:15 am

Everyone loves a chubby baby. Dont be so sensitive. I wish I had fat babies. Mine are always kind of scrawny.

notshanarishona

Sun, Mar 10 2019, 11:19 am

People should follow social cues but I don't think it's considered rude to ask how much a baby weighs. Nothing wrong with a fat baby, especially if someone is saying it as a compliment.

amother

Amber

Sun, Mar 10 2019, 11:26 am

Chubby babies are cute! You’re making a big deal over nothing. It’s not insulting to say that a baby is not skinny.

My babies were all chubby. They lost the chubbiness once they started running around and becoming picky eaters.

Nothing insulting about commenting on a babies chubbiness...

ahuva06

Sun, Mar 10 2019, 11:27 am

People generally mean it as a compliment or at least not as an insult but yes, I totally hear where you're coming from. When people harp about anything regarding someone's child - whether it be that the child is chubby or scrawny, tons of hair or no hair, red hair or freckles- whatever it might be, our mom instincts kick in at full force and we want the person to back off. I totally hear you and I'm sure your baby is 100% delicious!

thunderstorm

Sun, Mar 10 2019, 11:27 am

asmileaday wrote:

It was odd that she was going on an on. But generally speaking it's a compliment when a baby is chubby. It's cute and adorable!

I agree! I take it as a compliment! My just turned 8 month old adorable daughter is going into a size 18 months already. The bigger the better! Personally I think bigger babies are way cuter.

Cheiny

Sun, Mar 10 2019, 2:14 pm

amother wrote:

So annoyed by this interaction. Wondering if anyone else would feel this way.

Clearly she was out of line, repeatedly harping on it. Just try to keep in mind, SHE is the one who has a problem! Obviously your child triggered something in her which is painful for her and so she turned it onto your child. What is her situation? Is she married? Does she have kids? Something in her own life is no doubt the reason for her inappropriate reaction to your child. Try to feel sorry for her, and don’t take it personally. Her opinion is irrelevant.

Cheiny

Sun, Mar 10 2019, 2:17 pm

I think people here (those telling OP it’s not an insult) are missing the main point. The woman did not stop harping on it! A compliment might be, “Oh those chubby cheeks are just adorable,” but what OP described sounded much different!

Btw, OP, a good way to respond to others who ask or say inappropriate or prying things is, “WOW, you really are courageous in feeling so bold as to address matters that people feel are private.”

Last edited by Cheiny on Sun, Mar 10 2019, 2:25 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Ecru

Sun, Mar 10 2019, 2:21 pm

I love “fat” babies so someone saying my baby is fat, no problem. Hounding on and on about it, or anything, could certainly be annoying. I tend to go to sarcasm when feeling attacked. I’d probably have asked the woman to find me a weight watchers meeting to take her to and hope that would shut her up.

roses

Sun, Mar 10 2019, 2:21 pm

Cheiny wrote:

Sorry, I disagree with you. I really don't see anything malicious or insulting about the interaction. It is really normal baby talk

FranticFrummie

Sun, Mar 10 2019, 2:22 pm

When DD was 6 months, she was so chubby you couldn't snap her onesies. Her thighs were too big! You were lucky if you could get the middle snap to close. At one point she was 55% percentile for height, and 105% for weight, off the charts! The pediatrician said she was "full figured." Very Happy

Then she jumped straight to size 12 months, and totally skipped size 9. I had all these adorable clothes lined up, and she outgrew them overnight. I ended up giving the size 9's to a friend of mine who had a daughter near the same age.

She evened out between 2 and 3 years old, when she got super active. She's been height/weight proportionate ever since.

Cheiny

Sun, Mar 10 2019, 2:22 pm

roses wrote:

Sorry, I disagree with you. I really don't see anything malicious or insulting about the interaction. It is really normal baby talk

Obviously OP felt otherwise and she’s the only one who experienced it,

Metukah

Sun, Mar 10 2019, 2:28 pm

Take it as a compliment. I wish my babies were chubby.

I agree it was weird that she was harping on and on, but that reflects poorly on her social skills.

I always comment on chubby babies, but I make sure it is obvious that I mean it in the most complimentary way possible.

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