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Purim- Financial Situation
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amother




Green


Post  Tue, Mar 12 2019, 10:55 pm
I know it's a given and expected to give Money on Purim to sons Rebbi's, Magid Shiurim and Menahalim along with the MM.
We are struggling financially. My DH sais that we don't have the means to give so he just won't give any money. I feel that it's only appropriate and we'll have to figure something out. Even just a small amount but DH refuses.
What's the right thing to do in our situation?
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amother




Ginger


Post  Tue, Mar 12 2019, 10:58 pm
I dont think its a norm if u are gng thru a hard time. it is definitely an extra for purim
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amother




Green


Post  Tue, Mar 12 2019, 10:59 pm
Is it normal not to give any money to sons teachers?
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amother




Ginger


Post  Tue, Mar 12 2019, 11:01 pm
I think so. its not chanuka
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amother




Saddlebrown


Post  Tue, Mar 12 2019, 11:02 pm
amother wrote:
I know it's a given and expected to give Money on Purim to sons Rebbi's, Magid Shiurim and Menahalim along with the MM.
We are struggling financially. My DH sais that we don't have the means to give so he just won't give any money. I feel that it's only appropriate and we'll have to figure something out. Even just a small amount but DH refuses.
What's the right thing to do in our situation?


Give a detailed beautiful card instead. Much more meaningful IMO.


Last edited by amother on Wed, Mar 13 2019, 11:24 am; edited 1 time in total
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amother




Magenta


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 12:21 am
Where does this idea come from to give $$$ on Purim??? The school asks for it on Chanukah and sometimes the class collects at the end of the year. Is everyone giving $$ to the Rebbe on Purim and I didn't know about it? Do we look stingy???
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amother




Beige


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 1:07 am
My dh is a rebbe in an ny middle of the road black hat elementary. About half the mishloach manos come with checks - definitely not all. If you can’t afford it don’t do it.
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amother




Azure


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 1:12 am
Don’t do it if you can’t afford it
It’s ok
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amother




Green


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 2:55 am
Ok, so you're saying some people don't give on Purim. In our circles, most people do give, out of appreciation for the effort they put in. Depending how devoted the person is to your child.
So DH mentioned that he will give to two melamdim who are very devoted to my sons. There's one who learns privately with my yeshiva buchar, and I really feel he deserves it, there my DH sais- I don't have the money.
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amother




Chartreuse


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 3:06 am
Def dont give if you cant. A beautiful cqrd is much appreciated I would imagine. Would ypu consider adding a small tsedakah card ex "$10 has been given to tomchei shabbat in your honour" this way you can give less? Still give tsedakah. And acknowledge the rebbies hard work
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salt




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 4:13 am
amother wrote:
Where does this idea come from to give $$$ on Purim??? The school asks for it on Chanukah and sometimes the class collects at the end of the year. Is everyone giving $$ to the Rebbe on Purim and I didn't know about it? Do we look stingy???


It comes from the olden days when rebbeim didn't get salaries. They taught out of the goodness of their heart. Nowadays this doesn't apply. Where I live we don't do it.
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amother




Chocolate


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 8:23 am
amother wrote:
Def dont give if you cant. A beautiful cqrd is much appreciated I would imagine. Would ypu consider adding a small tsedakah card ex "$10 has been given to tomchei shabbat in your honour" this way you can give less? Still give tsedakah. And acknowledge the rebbies hard work


I don't think that's fair to the rebbe. Pesach is coming and every dollar is appreciated.
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thunderstorm




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 8:31 am
There are years I don't give at all, not on Chanuka or Purim. I do make sure to send a letter of hakaras hatov though.
It depends on my financial situation. There were years that I didn't give any mishloach manos and gave a check with a note instead. For example if I spend $25 on a mm of wine and chocolates , I gave the Rebbe $25 instead of the wine and chocolates.
You have to do what works for you and not what everyone else does, because there is no such thing as everyone else. Many do, some don't and that's still ok.
Also we don't go to the menahel. One year we were extra grateful to a menahel for helping change my kid for the better so I wrote him a long letter and had it delivered on Purim. No money at all. He called us a few weeks later to say how meaningful it was to him.
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amother




Goldenrod


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 8:41 am
If u can't afford it please don't give. I don't think it looks bad on you. Mm is way over the top and it is not necessary to add more debt.

I would send a nice card and that's it. I actually have no idea if I gave DS rebbe a check last year or not.
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amother




Honeydew


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 9:53 am
STOP STOP STOP the madness and pressure! Not only do we pay tuition at crazy rates but there is a pressure to give Rebbes multiple times a year a tax free gift? Who can afford that? They get salaries (and if not enough they should speak to administration and we should not be supplementing).
MM is nice, a token of appreciation and expresses hakaras hatov. But financial or expensive gifts to teachers directly are an issue. Like with any professional it can blue boundaries, make one indebted to the parent, bias a teacher... Why are judges supposed to be wealthy? Because even tzaddikim have a bias if it meant more food on the table.
Teachers should not be biased. And it happens.
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amother




Blue


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 10:06 am
Do what's good for you, not what everyone else is doing! If you don't have, write a nice card and its enough. There have been years when we couldn't give, I didn't even think into it!
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Chaya123




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 10:15 am
If you can't afford to give money, at least give a meaningful card. It will go a long way and show appreciation.
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ShishKabob




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 10:54 am
Don't give if you can't afford it. And if your dh feels that he can't, why pressure him? He's going thru enough stress as it is.
I do agree with you that it's an accepted practice. I also agree with your dh, rather not give anything than give a very small amount. A card thanking him for the hard work and his effort that is acknowledged and appreciated goes a long way.
The Rebbe's will probably pick up that it's not an easy year for you financially if you are usually the type to give. Feel worse for your dh than for the Rebbe's in this sense. He sounds like he would usually give generously if finances allow for it.
Ah Freilichen Purim and Erev Purim and Hatzlocha Rabboh!
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amother




Powderblue


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 11:07 am
Write a nice note. Personalize it. Write what about what your ds and you appreciate the rebbe for. His style of teaching, his amazing reviews before a test, the incentive programs....
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amother




Rose


Post  Thu, Mar 14 2019, 9:39 pm
I've given the years I could and not the years I couldn't.
Some years, I gave $18 and some years $100.
It's not a must, but a nice token of appreciation.
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