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amother




Purple


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 4:15 am
I had a difference of opinion earlier with someone. She asked me what I give to my sons rebbe. Told her a bought fancy cake (along with wine and check) nothing homemade (like all my other MM). B/c a rebbe won’t eat homemade goods. She adamantly disagreed. Said, ‘why not???? Well if they don’t trust me, they’ll have to miss out and give it away’

I totally disagree.
So, rebbe wives what is the general rule?
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amother




cornflower


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 4:39 am
amother wrote:
I had a difference of opinion earlier with someone. She asked me what I give to my sons rebbe. Told her a bought fancy cake (along with wine and check) nothing homemade (like all my other MM). B/c a rebbe won’t eat homemade goods. She adamantly disagreed. Said, ‘why not???? Well if they don’t trust me, they’ll have to miss out and give it away’

I totally disagree.
So, rebbe wives what is the general rule?


I'm not a wife of a rebbe, but I once sent my son with a big homemade chocolate cake to his cheder for his birthday. The rebbe helped cut it and share it out to the class. My son came home with no cake left. I was surprised that the class ate it all! He said, the rebbe took the leftovers to the staff-room after the lesson and they finished it off in the break! Smile
I was so honoured that they all trust me and ate my cake!!
Depends where you are I think.

(anon because I've told people this story)
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amother




Purple


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 7:20 am
Thx for replying but I think that’s different than my question
Did the Rebbe himself eat a piece?
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Raisin




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 7:33 am
I would think it really depends on if the Rebbe knows your family personally.
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amother




cornflower


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 7:38 am
amother wrote:
Thx for replying but I think that’s different than my question
Did the Rebbe himself eat a piece?


I would imagine he did, but why is it different if rebbes of the other classes ate it? They're all in the same cheder. They were DS's rebbe last year/ or next year. Maybe none of them ate it, and they trashed it - I have no idea, but my DS saw him take it into the teachers room.
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amother




Purple


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 7:54 am
Cornflower - true.
But I really would like to know specifically about Purim & the rebbe’s
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thunderstorm




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 7:56 am
I think that rebbeim get so much MM that there is no way for them to consume 30 cakes and hundreds of cookies before Pesach . So regardless of whether they would or would not eat it based on kashrus you still need to keep in mind they will most likely have to discard lots of the cake.
The rebbeim can also be health minded , they may be makpid with kashrus, their families may be "grossed out" like so many people on this site are. There are so many reasons. Therefore it's a better choice to send packaged goods. They often bring the extra packaged goods to school and dole it out as rewards to the boys or as treats in the teachers room.
I bake cakes often for my son's siyum and I know that lots of his rebbeim eat it and ask for doubles, but there are some that don't .
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Raisin




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 8:02 am
I agree with Thunderstorm. Wine/grape juice and KLP chocolates are a much safer bet.
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mommyhood




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 8:03 am
After discussing with a few Rebbeims wives I only give a check and a note. I give a larger check rather than spending on food that I don’t know if they’ll like. I usually send it in to school so it works well. If the Rebbi is local and we deliver or on Purim I add a small something because my son feels strange going on Purim without food.
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 8:13 am
Can I ask, as an obvious outsider to this life style, why would a rebbe not eat food from someone who goes to the school where they teach?
In my community, everyone eats by everyone else. Not eating others home made things just isnt a thing, so I dont understand this concept.
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thunderstorm




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 8:24 am
shabbatiscoming wrote:
Can I ask, as an obvious outsider to this life style, why would a rebbe not eat food from someone who goes to the school where they teach?
In my community, everyone eats by everyone else. Not eating others home made things just isnt a thing, so I dont understand this concept.


There are many RW Chasidish rebbeim in non chasidic schools. Some are even rebbeim in MO schools. Their hashkafos are very different than those of the student and parent body and may have more chumros. There are some that share the same hashkafos and chumros as the student body. But to go figure out who's makpid on what doesn't make any sense and therefore out of respect of him being possibly more machmir it's safer to go the non home made food route.
I myself have made Kugels for rebbeim to use on Purim but as I got older and wiser I discovered that there are all types of people out there and even though I keep kosher the same way as they do , they still may not want to eat my food that is not labeled with a specific hashgacha.
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gumby




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 8:30 am
shabbatiscoming wrote:
Can I ask, as an obvious outsider to this life style, why would a rebbe not eat food from someone who goes to the school where they teach?
In my community, everyone eats by everyone else. Not eating others home made things just isnt a thing, so I dont understand this concept.

The Rabbi of my shul made a policy the day he arrived that he won’t eat in any congregant’s homes. He didn’t want to get into I trust your kashrus but not yours so while he will invite a family to his home for a meal on shabbos, he and his family can not be invited back. I think rebbeim have a similar outlook- if they might not eat from one students house it’s better to say no to everyone than embarrass that one student. My neighborhoods and yeshivas haveba no homemade goods policy for all school siyumim or parties.
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amother




Sapphire


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 8:48 am
gumby wrote:
The Rabbi of my shul made a policy the day he arrived that he won’t eat in any congregant’s homes. He didn’t want to get into I trust your kashrus but not yours so while he will invite a family to his home for a meal on shabbos, he and his family can not be invited back. I think rebbeim have a similar outlook- if they might not eat from one students house it’s better to say no to everyone than embarrass that one student. My neighborhoods and yeshivas haveba no homemade goods policy for all school siyumim or parties.


This. One year, the rabbi's daughter had a boy a couple weeks early on the second night of a three day yom tov Pesach. They ended up with a shalom zachor the next night, to which nobody could bring anything homemade. Since we also couldn't go to the store, it was interesting, but b"H worked out.

I send store bought cakes to rebbes, assuming that they often need to host, and can slice it and put it out for others this way. This is particularly for rebbes for older boys, who may have the boys coming by and staying and need to feed them.
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nchr




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 9:15 am
In some communities it is standard to serve a bundt cake to Rebbes, even if they will not eat from it.
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mommy3b2c




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 9:53 am
shabbatiscoming wrote:
Can I ask, as an obvious outsider to this life style, why would a rebbe not eat food from someone who goes to the school where they teach?
In my community, everyone eats by everyone else. Not eating others home made things just isnt a thing, so I dont understand this concept.


I’m not saying the rebbes in my boys school wouldn’t eat my food, I’m sure some of them would. However, the boys in the school are much more modern than the rebbes, so they may not trust our hashgacha. For example, I would say 95% of the kids in this school eat chalav Stam but 0% of the rebbes do.
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groovy1224




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 10:05 am
shabbatiscoming wrote:
Can I ask, as an obvious outsider to this life style, why would a rebbe not eat food from someone who goes to the school where they teach?
In my community, everyone eats by everyone else. Not eating others home made things just isnt a thing, so I dont understand this concept.


My husband is a teacher (not a rebbe) but we do eat homemade items from students, since he trusts the students' kashrus. But I'm sure there are many situations where someone might keep different kashrus standards than their students. Whether they are makpid on CY, kemach yoshon, pas yisroel, or only rely on certain strict hashgachos. Obviously you're not going to ask your student the exact breakdown of ingredients, so in such a case, I imagine a rebbe/teacher would have no choice but to pass on a homemade item or throw it out.

As a side note, I do not understand why people get so offended by this every year. People are entitled to keep their own chumras in their own home. To bring a food into someone else's house knowing you will be offended if they don't eat it is just silly to me.
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ShishKabob




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 12:17 pm
I don't send anything homemade to a Rebbe. I agree that he has no need for it and probably just tosses it into the trash. I give a really cheap item, wrapped nicely, like a pack of wafer rolls and a grape juice on a nice tray, however, I do include a nice check or cash.
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amother




Green


Post  Wed, Mar 13 2019, 1:13 pm
As a daughter of an amazing. Special. (And unfortunately financially struggling) school rebbe, I will say - send a small mm. Like you send to others. But what means the most is a true heartfelt letter of appreciation- and a generous check.
Talking for my father- he works so hard. Puts his heart and soul into teaching your precious kids alef beis. Kriah. Chumash...

With kids to marry off at home...
And some more in school to pay tuition for,
True appreciation in the form of words and $$$ is very very much appreciated. (And needed)
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watergirl




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Mar 15 2019, 8:01 am
amother wrote:
As a daughter of an amazing. Special. (And unfortunately financially struggling) school rebbe, I will say - send a small mm. Like you send to others. But what means the most is a true heartfelt letter of appreciation- and a generous check.
Talking for my father- he works so hard. Puts his heart and soul into teaching your precious kids alef beis. Kriah. Chumash...

With kids to marry off at home...
And some more in school to pay tuition for,
True appreciation in the form of words and $$$ is very very much appreciated. (And needed)


With all due respect, this is inappropriate and I cant imagine your father would be in agreement with this post. He chose this profession knowing what the salary is, I am assuming, from his heart and his love for chinuch. He would be very sad and uncomfortable, I'm sure, if he accepted checks from people who really could not afford to give them. And I would hope that your father never shares the details of the contents of those envelopes (or lack thereof) with you.

I'm sure you realize that we also have tuition to pay for and kids to marry off and other simchas to plan. BH the very same life cycle events that your father has. Many of us plan accordingly and only do what we can afford on our own. I assume your parents plan simchas according to what they can afford as well and not lavish events. The same types of simchas that the rest of us plan.

This was just in bad taste.
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amother




Green


Post  Fri, Mar 15 2019, 8:24 am
watergirl wrote:
With all due respect, this is inappropriate and I cant imagine your father would be in agreement with this post. He chose this profession knowing what the salary is, I am assuming, from his heart and his love for chinuch. He would be very sad and uncomfortable, I'm sure, if he accepted checks from people who really could not afford to give them. And I would hope that your father never shares the details of the contents of those envelopes (or lack thereof) with you.

I'm sure you realize that we also have tuition to pay for and kids to marry off and other simchas to plan. BH the very same life cycle events that your father has. Many of us plan accordingly and only do what we can afford on our own. I assume your parents plan simchas according to what they can afford as well and not lavish events. The same types of simchas that the rest of us plan.

This was just in bad taste.


Wooops. I'm so sorry you took this the way you did.
Or maybe I didn't word what I meant to correctly. So I apologize!

So, yes my father obviously chose this role, been doing it for upwards of 25 years. And is a beloved rebbe. And he also knows the salary, and the lifestyle. And my parents do live according to their budget. Simple. Hand me downs. Cutting corners etc.
And they're happy! Struggling yes. Like others. Of course.
And 100% would never want struggling families to give what they cant. (Did I say that those that can't should?)

But I was suggesting - that if it's a question of either putting $ time and effort into fancy MM. Or a more substantial check- the latter is needed and thus would be so so appreciated.

I don't know why you got offended..... But I'm genuinely sorry that you did.
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