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S/O Chesed for rich people
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amother




Amber


Post  Thu, Mar 14 2019, 3:20 pm
This is a spin-off of the "insanity meals" thread.

Once upon a time, I would have said that it's awful to organize a meal train for people who have lots of money. If she's got a nanny and a baby nurse and seventeen different people helping at all times, then she's on her own.

But then I met someone who spends her life giving to others. None of us need the chesed she does. We can all afford our own meals, etc, but there she is. At our door, offering us baked goods when a family member is ill. Giving her house to every tzedakah event there is. Making meals. Picking up family members from the airport.

I think that in all our calculations about who needs chesed, and who doesn't, we forget who chesed is really FOR. You. It's for you. Yes, the lady with the housekeeper doesn't need our food. But it's a good idea for me to practice giving to someone else. It makes ME a better person. I become the giver. I practice giving my time, my energy, my food, even when I have less than she does.

Look, I'm not telling anyone what to do with his or her life. And your kids do come first. But I really disliked all the anger in the other thread. So what if a mother didn't "need" your meal? And you worked hard on it! That means that all your work trained your soul to give back!

When I go to Hashem every Rosh Hashana and ask for more things, I'm the least deserving person in the world. He could say, "You don't need another child. You have enough." "You don't need a bigger apartment. You could make do." "You don't need a new friend in your life." But Hashem is the ultimate Chesed , and He gives everyone, even those who don't need it. And isn't the point to emulate that?

This is me, talking to myself. I'm happy you guys can join in. :-)
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ectomorph




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Mar 14 2019, 3:25 pm
Most people who get their meals aren't starving to death without them.

I always tell my friends that for me it's not about the meals it's about feeling like the community supports me and loves me and cares about me and my baby. I don't need the food but getting them meals really helps me with postpartum depression.
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happymom123




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Mar 14 2019, 3:29 pm
That's a beautiful and very true point. Hashem even tells us to test Him with tzedaka, that we should give and He'll pay us back. When we give of ourselves above and beyond, we're asking Hashem to do the same.
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dankbar




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Mar 14 2019, 3:30 pm
I have a friend who's well off, who helped me in time of need. Now that she's making a simcha, well she can pretty much afford whatever she needs, so me sending something is not about the money just the thought. Maybe I can help her physically instead of monetarily, as appreciation.
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Chayalle




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Mar 14 2019, 3:37 pm
Beautiful post, OP. I don't know why you are anonymous!

I think people often forget that tzedakah is for the poor....but Chessed does not differentiate.

My brother lives in E"Y, and he often used to invite a certain childless relative and his wife (Aleihem Hashalom) for a Y"T meal. This relative was from the US, and was fabulously wealthy (I heard that he used to donate 40K monthly to a certain Kollel - just to give you an idea.) He had no problem affording his hotel stay, with all the trimmings. But he and his wife enjoyed a home-cooked meal at the home of a caring relative. That is Chessed.
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amother




Beige


Post  Thu, Mar 14 2019, 3:45 pm
It's not about the meal per se'. It feels good to know that people care about you! It doesn't matter how well off you are.
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amother




Wine


Post  Thu, Mar 14 2019, 3:47 pm
Agreed. First of all, it's not my job to determine the exact level of need of every chesed recipient. If I end up doing a chesed for someone who didn't 100% need it, it doesn't take away from my mitzvah. I don't like these petty calculations. I'm not going to begrudge someone a bit of kindness just because if they'd done a little more x or tried a bit of y, they could have done without. I prefer to leave such calculations to Hashem.

But also, it's not always about need. No, I don't need meals, but it's such a nice and simple way to include someone in the community. One of my kids was born while we were living in a community that turned out to be a poor fit (and we eventually left because of it) and let me tell, it was so depressing that no one sent us a meal after the baby. We were already feeling like outsiders and this just reinforced it. Of course we didn't starve. I had help. We had some take out, and some defrosted meals that had been prepared before the birth. But it was miserable to see the confirmation that nobody in this place cared about us.
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amother




Navy


Post  Thu, Mar 14 2019, 4:12 pm
Along the lines of this thead, please stop telling recipients of chessed they don't need it. It's none of your business to judge someone's need especially if you aren't the one giving. Stop snooping in other's pockets.
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Rappel




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Mar 14 2019, 4:16 pm
Lol. I missed that element of that thread.

Around here, meals after birth are everyone's way of saying "we love you guys"! It goes on for weeks.

I never thought of it as Tzedaka. Just love in a bowl.
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acemom




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Mar 14 2019, 4:21 pm
Rappel wrote:
Lol. I missed that element of that thread.

Around here, meals after birth are everyone's way of saying "we love you guys"! It goes on for weeks.

I never thought of it as Tzedaka. Just love in a bowl.


Well said.
Love the last sentence. Smile
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TriAspora




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Mar 14 2019, 4:22 pm
If you are on the receiving end, it's much easier to accept when the chesed is a community service (like PP meals) and does not single out the needy families. Obviously, not every chesed can operate like this, but it's beautiful when feasible.
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flowerpower




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Mar 14 2019, 4:34 pm
Some people here have this silly attitude that if they are “old enough to get married” and “decided to have a kid” then they are capable of managing on their own- no help or support from ANYONE. Baruch hashem my mother taught me differently. She made sure we open our eyes and see who can use help and we should offer it. She taught us to give. We yiddalach are a family. We are supposed to help each other. That is how we survive and thrive.

Last edited by flowerpower on Thu, Mar 14 2019, 5:13 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother




Green


Post  Thu, Mar 14 2019, 4:51 pm
and thrive
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southernbubby




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Mar 14 2019, 4:59 pm
TriAspora wrote:
If you are on the receiving end, it's much easier to accept when the chesed is a community service (like PP meals) and does not single out the needy families. Obviously, not every chesed can operate like this, but it's beautiful when feasible.


If an organization sets up volunteers with people to help, the volunteers decide when they are available and how much they could give. For example, if someone agrees to volunteer for Shifra and Push on the first Monday of every month and is able to make a meal for 5 people, the organization will match them with a recipient that they may not know personally but who they can cook for. This way, it's not up to the volunteers to decide who is worthy of chessed; they agree simply to a time and an amount.
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amother




Cerulean


Post  Thu, Mar 14 2019, 5:33 pm
Why is chessed only food? Chessed is not a handout. You don't have to be rich to do chessed. You don't only have to do Chessed with the downtrodden or desolate. Just saying a good word to a neighbor, elderly woman, a developmentally weak person (physical or emotional) can lift spirits to no end. There are sooo many ways to do Chessed...Think of your own family or friends as well as neighbors...You can just do a lot..if there is awareness. Put on your thinking cap. Also, teaching children to try to help with little things...make them feel so good!!!

The person GIVING Chessed if the biggest beneficiary!!!
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Ruchel




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Mar 15 2019, 11:42 am
I can't give everyone so I'll give Berel the beggar before Rotschild
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Cheiny




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Mar 15 2019, 12:55 pm
amother wrote:
This is a spin-off of the "insanity meals" thread.

Once upon a time, I would have said that it's awful to organize a meal train for people who have lots of money. If she's got a nanny and a baby nurse and seventeen different people helping at all times, then she's on her own.

But then I met someone who spends her life giving to others. None of us need the chesed she does. We can all afford our own meals, etc, but there she is. At our door, offering us baked goods when a family member is ill. Giving her house to every tzedakah event there is. Making meals. Picking up family members from the airport.

I think that in all our calculations about who needs chesed, and who doesn't, we forget who chesed is really FOR. You. It's for you. Yes, the lady with the housekeeper doesn't need our food. But it's a good idea for me to practice giving to someone else. It makes ME a better person. I become the giver. I practice giving my time, my energy, my food, even when I have less than she does.

Look, I'm not telling anyone what to do with his or her life. And your kids do come first. But I really disliked all the anger in the other thread. So what if a mother didn't "need" your meal? And you worked hard on it! That means that all your work trained your soul to give back!

When I go to Hashem every Rosh Hashana and ask for more things, I'm the least deserving person in the world. He could say, "You don't need another child. You have enough." "You don't need a bigger apartment. You could make do." "You don't need a new friend in your life." But Hashem is the ultimate Chesed , and He gives everyone, even those who don't need it. And isn't the point to emulate that?

This is me, talking to myself. I'm happy you guys can join in. :-)


Well said. I totally agree!
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yksraya




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Mar 15 2019, 1:05 pm
Ruchel wrote:
I can't give everyone so I'll give Berel the beggar before Rotschild

That is if it's tzedaka. But even then, if a friend is in need I'd give her before I give to someone poor that I don't personally know. Even if said friend is normally well off or living a lavish lifestyle.

But chessed is not only for less fortunate or poor. We all can here and there be in need of something. Especially when making a simcha, in postpartum or cvs if we go through challenging times.
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amother




Tan


Post  Fri, Mar 15 2019, 1:07 pm
I am BH well off. I really appreciated meals postpartum. You can't replace the love you feel from the community making you meals so easily.
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amother




Blush


Post  Fri, Mar 15 2019, 1:37 pm
let me respond from the other side. I'm the one with the hired help, the cook, the nanny and the open house for doing chesed bh.

I also had all this assistance due to being out on treatment for many years which all of you were unaware of.

When I finally did allow friends and neighbors to know I was ill, there was no hot soup when I came home from treatment, (because I must have help making that) , no offers to help my children with homework while their parents were at the hospital (because I MUST have he help hired or worked out) No offers to drive (because I can probably afford the Uber) and no offers for a fresh hot homecooked meal (because hired help could cook).

It would have been nice to feel cared for and not hired my own care.

At this point I am grateful I didn't rely on anyone's chesed. But I am sure there are others in my situation who wish the world wouldnt think those that "APPEAR " to have it together dont need the same OFFERs and care as those that have no money, have no family or just look like they need assistance.
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