Wives of rebbes: an honest answer please!

naturalmom5

Sun, Mar 17 2019, 1:26 pm

amother wrote:

Clearly you have no clue what being a rebbi entails.
Being available after hours for phone calls from parents, dealing with children with behavioral/learning issues, taking on 2nd and 3rd jobs in order to pay the bills because the pay is so low.
There is no summer break for rebbis-bills have to get paid.
These rebbis take jobs in day camps in the summer.

And clearly you can't read

You know the salary going in and chose to work in that field. You get many other side benefits besides salary....

Not to mention.... COVOD!!!!!

amother

Ginger

Sun, Mar 17 2019, 5:05 pm

amother wrote:

Rather a $10 check than a useless gift with no check. As teacher I received stuff that said "best teacher" like plaques, magnets, pic holders, silver miniatures, totes....
Was I supposed to decorate my home with best teacher stuff?
Other useless gifts were blue & yellow vase that didn't match anything in my home.
Tablecloth/place mats that didn't fit my table & didn't match my kitchen or dishes. It was red & blue stripes.
A necklace or watch that wasn't my taste.
A stuffed cubed clown with pics of my student...I didn't have a baby then.

Besides for money, gifts I did use were trays, candy holders, drinking glasses, cake stands, toys for my dc.

funny all that stuff you described- Im also a teacher and while it can be somewhat useless yes, I never thought of it that way. I actually enjoyed seeing each parents personal taste and what they picked out. I loved seeing what they chose, even if it didnt match my house, or wasnt my taste, I was so touched at the idea of them going to the store, thinking of me, trying to think of what I might like, buying it, wrapping it.. all the while knowing that they worked hard to try and find something they thought I might like- they had me in mind. They thought that blue and yellow vase was pretty for me and thats what made it so so pretty for me! I loved each and every personal item I got. That far overshadowed if it was actually suitable or not. I was and still am so touched at those little things, and the THOUGHT and care that went into it, far more than a chocolate bar which seems so impersonal.
stuffed cubed clown - dont know what that is but that parent sounds super creative! and probably thought long and hard about what would be something you might appreciate. they had to develop photos of their kid for it, it was a whole process that said- I am thinking of you Morah! I would have loved to receive that even if I didnt have a baby.
I also got a watch that wasnt my taste once- I wore it proudly for a few days. I loved the idea that they chose it for me. I dont know.. maybe I'm weird...

amother

Periwinkle

Sun, Mar 17 2019, 6:09 pm

amother wrote:

It’s a status thing . ‘I am a rebbe’ ‘husband is a rebbe...’ etc

No one asks what grade

Funny you say that. Just recently my son told me he does everything he can to avoid telling people his father is a rebbi. Apparently it is social suicide in his chevra. Kids tease him that "you shouldn't buy that, too expensive for a rebbi's son" and the like.

Maybe it's different in other communities.

Orchid

Sun, Mar 17 2019, 6:47 pm

amother wrote:

I was a teacher & did receive $10 checks more than once in student's mm.
I did not treat children differently according to the amount of the tip. Every child was a neshama by me. ( some do)
I had a special needs child in my class who had no help & I overextended myself to be like her personal shadow etc. Mom was so grateful & kept on sending me nice gifts & large amounts of tips, as appreciation. It made me feel uncomfortable.
Teachers get less tips than rebbeim.
I got checks of $10, $12,$18,$20, $25. $36 was already nice amount. $50 was very generous. Only the rich or only children gave that amount. $100 was already way over the top like that special needs child gave.

P.S. my pay was minimal. It was a 24/7 job but only got paid for school hours. I went beyond my call of duty as a teacher. Tried to build up each child to reach their potential besides for all the preps, talking to mothers after hours & having a very hands on & exciting curriculum.
I bh didn't rely on my tips to pay for basic expenses paid, as I wasn't the sole breadwinner for my family. Some teachers were newly weds, their dh in kollel & their paycheck went straight to their rent so they were looking out for their extra money from tips. We didn't get bonus money for a yom tov like some jobs offer.
About off days...worked till bedikas chometz, worked on taanis Esther & every isru chag. Our school policy was that parents pay tuition & don't need their kids home then. Our school had longest school hours for that age compared to all other schools in area.

Re the bolded, the Torah disagrees with you. It is impossible to accept money from someone (whether we call it a "token of appreciation" or crassly, a "bribe") and not be biased towards them. The Torah says as such, whether you recognize it is happening or not.

amother

Linen

Sun, Mar 17 2019, 7:27 pm

amother wrote:

Wow! What a disgusting reaction. My father is a rebbe and and my husband is a rebbe and there are zero expectations for anything. I appreciate every single shalach manos! I am truly shocked at the wife's reaction. I think she is missing social skills.

I used to be a teacher. Not a rebbe, but my point is the same. I did appreciate a monetary gift b BUT couldn't fail to notice that the ones who didn't give were the ones who needed my attention most. My pity towards these kids got the better of me and they ended up getting more TLC than the whole bunch. It's maturity and perspective.

amother

Wine

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 1:03 am

amother wrote:

I haven’t read all the responses, but my father was a rebbi all his life.
We were very poor. I don’t know what rebbeim salaries are like in other circles, but in chasidish circles rebbis are sorely underpaid.
They count on these tips to supplement their meager earnings.
I do believe parents in these types of cheders where tuition is very low, should budget tips as part of their chinuch expenses.
I send my daughter to a sleep away camp where tips are included in the camp fee because they are mandatory.
Restaurants also include tips on the bill as a mandatory charge.
Tipping is a necessary part of life.

This is an American way of thinking, I don’t think tipping is a necessary part of life in the rest of the world. Whether Jewish community or not. It is accepted in America because parents do it. Stop doing it and it will not become the norm. This thread is so so sad to read.

watergirl

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 4:05 am

amother wrote:

Its not even an American way of thinking. Its the way SOME communities in America think.
Where I live, you tip at a restaurant. Some camps are starting to do tipping but not all. And only some, a minority, tip a rebbe on purim. More NYers are moving to where I live so I imagine they are the minority who tip on purim.

watergirl

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 4:17 am

amother wrote:

Beautiful. There are teachers and there are TEACHERS. I’m grateful for every teacher like you that my kids have.

amother

Maroon

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 4:32 am

I dont understand why some people are getting so upset that Purim is often used as a time to show hakaras hatov. It works for some people, doesn't need to work for everyone. Personally, I appreciate the opportunity to thank my kids teachers. I make a cheap but pretty shalach Manos and bring it along with an $18 check and a note because that's what I can afford. I budget to be able to give this much every year because that's what works for me, if it doesn't work for you then don't but no need to get all up in arms about others choosing to do it. Contrary to what I have been reading on imamother, my children's teachers are overworked and underpaid and devote themselves to my children with all their heart and soul. They give up the conveniences of a higher salary to contribute to the community with real live 21st century mesirus nefesh and I use Purim as a time to acknowledge that. If that doesn't hold true in your community, why get upset at everyone else?

amother

Floralwhite

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 4:48 am

I am a wife of a Rebbe.
We love getting MM and it is a great bonus to get envelopes but definitely anything and everything is appreciated.
I would never check for an envelope whilst there are still people in the house, that's what we do motza purim, and see how far the money will go towards helping make pesach.
Handwritten notes are the most beautiful thing to get.
Just as a btw I would rather get $20 than a bottle of wine and chocolates with no cash!

watergirl

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 5:13 am

amother wrote:

Because its literally not the time to do this. Its the time to show hakaras hatov to HKBH. So what’s happened in these situations is that the people who don’t do this on this day or all of a sudden not grateful. Or have a lack of hakaras hatov. Its literally not the time. So then you have people like that morah who says that her most challenging student didnt bring her anything. Yeah. Well thats not the point.

Raisin

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 5:34 am

amother wrote:

Don't you need wine for pesach anyway?

If it is just cash it is not MM, it is a tip. Save the whole hassle and give $20 or $50 more at chanukah or the end of the year.

Also, the kids might not realise they are giving a check, but will see their teacher gets a nicer MM.

amother

Orange

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 5:41 am

amother wrote:

I understand where you're coming from, but there's a mitzvah of mishloach manos on Purim. Why would a child show up with a check and no mishloach manos?

amother

Maroon

Mon, Mar 18 2019, 5:53 am

watergirl wrote:

These are two separate issues. It's always a good time to show appreciation and Purim just makes it convenient because you're delivering gifts of food anyway. You can show appreciation on shavuos with a nice cheesecake and a check but Purim is simpler.

Regarding the teachers who then feel that the parents don't appreciate them because they didn't get shalach Manos, well that's a different issue. People with a negative attitude towards children because of petty things like shalach Manos should not be holding a chinuch position.