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Such silly problems with my cleaning help
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dankbar




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Mar 19 2019, 5:19 pm
I don't tell her a word what to do because she likes to do her own thing & gets upset if I tell her. Today without asking me she decided she wants to wash the walls of the hallway for pesach. I usually let her do whatever she wants. This time I tried telling her that it's a waste to do it today because I remember from other years that the hallway walls get fingerprinted from the face paint that's done by hallway mirror. She stopped in midst & ran home.
Now I got a text from her daughter that her mom suffers depression & I made her mom very depressed today.
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amother




Lavender


Post  Tue, Mar 19 2019, 5:23 pm
Doesn't sound like a silly problem to me.

Treat her with appropriate Derech Eretz and figure out what your next steps are.
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dankbar




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Mar 19 2019, 5:25 pm
It's not a silly problem but I feel that's she gets insulted over silly misinderstandings
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kenz




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Mar 19 2019, 5:28 pm
dankbar wrote:
I don't tell her a word what to do because she likes to do her own thing & gets upset if I tell her. Today without asking me she decided she wants to wash the walls of the hallway for pesach. I usually let her do whatever she wants. This time I tried telling her that it's a waste to do it today because I remember from other years that the hallway walls get fingerprinted from the face paint that's done by hallway mirror. She stopped in midst & ran home.
Now I got a text from her daughter that her mom suffers depression & I made her mom very depressed today.


If she is important to keep as your cleaning help- and I presume she is at this time of year, then just apologize and say you did not mean to offend her, you just didn’t want her to be upset when she came back and found her work ruined. Tell her you value her very much and would never intentionally hurt her feelings.
If that doesn’t do it I would start looking for someone else. It is your house, you’re entitled to state your preferences in a polite manner.
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ectomorph




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Mar 19 2019, 5:29 pm
That doesn't sound normal.
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amother




Lavender


Post  Tue, Mar 19 2019, 5:29 pm
Sounds like her daughter is the communicator here. Can she help smooth this out?
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singleagain




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Mar 19 2019, 5:29 pm
As someone who lives with depression.. It's rarely do clear cut.

Just from my personal life

I have always struggled to keep a room clean. One time I was was able to check up my closet enough that the door could finally close. When I showed my mom she was like "what about that pile over there" and it crushed me.

What seems like a silly miscommunication to you can sounds very harsh to someone living with depression.
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dankbar




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Mar 19 2019, 5:33 pm
Today she says I didn't tell her what to do & other ladies do tell her what to do.
When I tell her what I want her to do she runs doing anything else like folding a load of laundry instead of washing the closet.
Sometimes before she leaves she'll do me a favor & wash the closet.
If she unpacked & washes she wants to put it back but I like going thru the stuff before it goes back. Every time she will have a different reason for getting insulted.
After pesach I'll say good riddence, because she became boss here. Her cleaning is not so thorough either. Right now I can't afford to lose her before pesach.
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kenz




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Mar 19 2019, 5:41 pm
dankbar wrote:
Today she says I didn't tell her what to do & other ladies do tell her what to do.
When I tell her what I want her to do she runs doing anything else like folding a load of laundry instead of washing the closet.
Sometimes before she leaves she'll do me a favor & wash the closet.
If she unpacked & washes she wants to put it back but I like going thru the stuff before it goes back. Every time she will have a different reason for getting insulted.
After pesach I'll say good riddence, because she became boss here. Her cleaning is not so thorough either. Right now I can't afford to lose her before pesach.


Right, then you have to swallow it and move on. One thing does stand out though- if you are double-checking everything she does in front of her, I could see that being pretty insulting to someone who takes pride in her work.
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dankbar




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Mar 19 2019, 5:41 pm
Ye maybe she doesnt fully understand the language. Her dgtr interprets but she told her dgtr completely different story. She doesnt want to come here anymore because I am pressuring her about pesach. I totally didnt tell her to do anything for pesach today. When she stopped the walls she ironed a few things & when she wanted to leave I asked her about doing anything else...she refused. After ironing she doesnt touch water. I asked her if she wants to help me with baking then. She was 3 hours before time she usually leaves. All of a sudden she had a lawyers appt against her landlord with the rent & ran home.
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dankbar




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Mar 19 2019, 5:44 pm
No I don't double check her, I meant to say instead of just letting her put back my clothes or my kids clothes in the closet I like to see what is too small, what needs mending, what is stained...
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amother




Violet


Post  Tue, Mar 19 2019, 6:09 pm
dankbar wrote:
No I don't double check her, I meant to say instead of just letting her put back my clothes or my kids clothes in the closet I like to see what is too small, what needs mending, what is stained...


But it does sound like you’re very on top of her while she cleans which can be annoying.
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amother




Lavender


Post  Tue, Mar 19 2019, 6:25 pm
dankbar wrote:
Ye maybe she doesnt fully understand the language. Her dgtr interprets but she told her dgtr completely different story. She doesnt want to come here anymore because I am pressuring her about pesach. I totally didnt tell her to do anything for pesach today. When she stopped the walls she ironed a few things & when she wanted to leave I asked her about doing anything else...she refused. After ironing she doesnt touch water. I asked her if she wants to help me with baking then. She was 3 hours before time she usually leaves. All of a sudden she had a lawyers appt against her landlord with the rent & ran home.


Ask her daughter if you can expect her to come back on whatever day she works for you.
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amother




Honeydew


Post  Tue, Mar 19 2019, 6:28 pm
I would not be happy with her as my cleaning help. I guess if you've been fine until now you can keep going as long as you want, but I definitely wouldn't have employed her for so long.
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shoshiesavannah




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Mar 19 2019, 7:09 pm
You have every right to “be on top of” a person you pay to help in your home. I too suffer with depression but would never assume to act the way she does. I’d keep her through Pesach and let her go. It doesn’t sound like this is a good fit for either of you.
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amother




Lavender


Post  Tue, Mar 19 2019, 7:14 pm
shoshiesavannah wrote:
You have every right to “be on top of” a person you pay to help in your home. I too suffer with depression but would never assume to act the way she does. I’d keep her through Pesach and let her go. It doesn’t sound like this is a good fit for either of you.


and you also shouldn't be surprised to find yourself without help if you do that. Its not a matter of "right".
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shoshiesavannah




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Mar 19 2019, 7:35 pm
amother wrote:
and you also shouldn't be surprised to find yourself without help if you do that. Its not a matter of "right".


I highly doubt that I wouldn’t be able to find cleaning help because I ask that the person do their job without drama. I am kind, generous, and respectful to all who work in my home and at work. I have the expectation that I’ll be treated similarly.
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amother




Lavender


Post  Tue, Mar 19 2019, 8:11 pm
shoshiesavannah wrote:
I highly doubt that I wouldn’t be able to find cleaning help because I ask that the person do their job without drama. I am kind, generous, and respectful to all who work in my home and at work. I have the expectation that I’ll be treated similarly.


I’m sure you do. All I’m saying is having ‘the right’ to micromanage people, doesn’t mean it creates an enviroment the person is happy working in - though some people love it.
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amother




Honeydew


Post  Tue, Mar 19 2019, 8:27 pm
amother wrote:
I’m sure you do. All I’m saying is having ‘the right’ to micromanage people, doesn’t mean it creates an enviroment the person is happy working in - though some people love it.


Where does micromanaging come in? It's very normal to give a cleaning lady a list of tasks to accomplish that day. It's also very normal to redirect her if she decides on her own to do something very non useful, as was the case with op. Cleaning help that can't handle that level of instruction are not doing their job well.
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shoshiesavannah




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Mar 19 2019, 8:36 pm
Also not a micromanager. I oversee a staff of 35 at work and 1.5 at home. I’m talking about basic standards of professionalism and productivity here.
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