Mediocrity vs excellence

amother

Chartreuse

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 4:26 am

We believe that every person has a mission, a unique thing only he/she can accomplish in this world... And I always understood this in the sense that every person has a unique talent, something he or she really excels in. For a long time, I've been trying to figure out what 'my thing' is - my talent, my gift.

The truth is, I feel like I am very mediocre at everything. My grades in school were always good even though I didn't really put in too much effort, but not spectacular.

I've always been fairly creative (I paint and draw) and musical (play a few instruments), but I don't do these things well enough to really be notable.

I love photography and get a lot of compliments on my pictures, but I'm not good enough to make a living out of it.

I'm a normal mom, certainly not a supermom.

I'm a reliable worker, but not the top worker who gets promoted because everyone sees her work stands out.

Even here at imamother, I usually end up not posting any reply at all because I know there will always be someone able to convey the message in a more eloquent way than I would have been able to.

My question is: do you believe every person has to find a passion, and strive for excellence in this area? If so, how do you find your passion?

Could it be that for me, it's one of the things I already do but I just never put in enough effort to become extraordinary? Or could it be not everyone is cut out for excellence, and mediocrity is just as good as it gets?

dankbar

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 4:56 am

Everyone has a different mission in this world. It doesn't mean that everyone has to excel in a specific talent. You try your best with the tools you were given.
There can't be only top. If everyone is rich who will give tzedaka to the poor? The poor have the mission of being mezakeh the rich. If everyone is top at every talent, how will people have professions where they exclusively excel in their fields, or there will be no chesed done if everyone has the capabalities, time, resources to do everything on their own.

Inherent talents can be tweaked & developed with finetuning them, by practice, effort, courses, giving time & attention tending & nurturing the specific talent

pesek zman

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 4:56 am

I think perception is everything. Each of the talents/skills you listed sound pretty exceptional to me (A few musical instruments? Wow!) that said, I think most people are both mediocre in some ways, and excellent in another. We can’t all win photography awards but perhaps we can make the best potato kugel, or be the best listener, or even the best singer of silly songs to our kids.

chaniej

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 6:27 am

I feel similar to you - mediocre in most things I do, nothing noteworthily outstanding.... but I know that the things I'm doing I'm working on them to do them better. At work, with my kids, with my husband, socially, my davening, taking care of myself... I'm working on not comparing myself to others but more because I want to be able to look at my life and be happy with what I'm accomplishing in this world.

amother

Forestgreen

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 6:30 am

I view our uniqueness as a unique BLEND of talents, capabilities and connections.

We don't all have to be the best at one specific thing, but our special combination of stuff we're great at, okay at, passionate about, and just come across regularly is what is needed for our own unique shlichus in the world.

amother

Chartreuse

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 6:44 am

Thanks for your replies, you are giving me food for thought.

Dankbar, it's true there can't be only top. I just always assumed I would be at the top of.. something. And not just in making the most amazing kosher l'Pesach chocolate mousse.

As for the source of everyone having a different and unique tafkid, it's something I always heard.. Google gave me this:

Quote:

The idea of tafkid has been discussed by numerous sources throughout the ages. The Sefat Emet (Korach 5647) quotes his grandfather, the Chidushei HaRim, on Pirkei Avot (1:14); “ ‘If I am not for myself, who will be for me?’ That is to say, each person is created to enrich, fix and complete the world in a way that no one else can, both in terms of their unique neshama and the unique time in which they live.”

(source)

ectomorph

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 7:19 am

A mission is not the same thing as a talent. It may be something you weren't even aware of.

Imagine if every day when Alexandria ocasio-cortez took the subway to work she's saw Jewish women praying Psalms. Perhaps that person's mission in life was to change her view of jewish people.

Im making up a far fetched example but b point is you don't know what your mission is

tweek

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 8:17 am

I grew up with a drive for excellence. It was not at all demanded by our parents, but we were a talented and capable family, so we ended up doing well. In many areas, we ended up on the top regarding school jobs, camp, careers, etc.
I am not complaining, as it led to many good opportunities bh. On the other hand it was also a lot of pressure (not imposed by anyone, but sort of self or cicumstantially imposed).

As my children got older, I worked very hard not to give this over to them. I've also learned to be ok with mediocrity for myself. The most valuable tool someone taught me is that it is ok to be a "good enough" parent of "good enough " children. This has made a big difference in my life.

TranquilityAndPeace

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 8:39 am

We don't know what our purpose is.

And I don't know where you got the idea that anpurpose must be excellence.

A purpose can be to do good and be normal.

There's a story of a yeshiva bachur who asked Rav Sheinberg about wearing multiple pairs of tzitzis and Rav Sheinberg told him to just be normal.

Functional normalcy is getting more rare!!

I'm a photographer and certainly will never win prestigious awards. But that's not my goal. In fact, I often see that the photographers who obsess over every single detail of their photos and take millions of courses, hardly book clients because they're too busy improving their photos. A good balance of improving your work and marketing is key to a successful business.

I can't carry a tune, so playing one simple song on a keyboard seems magical to me! Obviously my purpose is not to serve Hashem through music! Playing multiple instruments- how cool is that!!!

And how quiet the forests would be if no bird sang except the best. (I think my MIL has a sign that says something like this)

But I think of purpose differently than you do. It's not one talent or one midah that's your purpose. It's using your free will to keep making positive decisions all day long in whatever circumstances Hashem puts you in, and you used your G-d given intelligence to be in!

zaq

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 11:15 am

No. We all have things we do better than other things, but we aren’t necessarily going to do them better than anyone else. Nowhere is it written that everyone is going to be The World’s Best at anything. How would that even be possible, given that the world’s population numbers in the billions, unless what you’re best at is being you?

I don’t think it’s necessary to have a Passion, either. Nice if you have it and it makes you happy, but sometimes a Passion makes people unhappy. It’s ok to like things, a lot or a little, without being rabid about them. It’s ok to do things OK. Just as a f’rinstance, I’d much rather have a friend who is an average player of many kinds of games than have one who is The World’s Best at one game in particular and doesn’t play anything else.

Passion-with-a-capital-P can be very uncomfortable for both the Passionate one and those who have to live or work with him or her.

Of course, if you’re looking for major achievement, then mediocrity has no place in your plans. But if you’re happy doing what you’re doing, where’s the harm in being average? Statistically speaking, someone has to be, except in Lake Wobegon.

ShishKabob

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 11:31 am

OP, Hashem gives everyone their unique environment, unique talents, unique makeup physically and emotionally to be able to fulfill their tafkid in this world. So whatever your particular package is that is exactly what Hashem intended it to be.
If Hashem blessed you with wealth, you need to use that wealth in the best possible way.
If Hashem blessed you with a compassionate nature you need to use that in the best way possible. And perhaps sometimes fight your compassion when the situation calls for it.
We need to be content within our own skin and our own circumstances to be able to fulfill whatever we need to do. This does not contradict with the desire to become better individuals and aim for a higher goal.
Being discontent is a double edged sword. It can make you be a better person or a very unhappy one.
I always dream of achieving who knows what and I have grand plans in my mind. However, I come back to reality and make peace with the fact that right now, I need to be a mother to my children, a wife to my dh and so on. For me right now, these two things won't work together. It doesn't make me incapable of achieving them, just right now it's on hold.
So to answer your question, your mediocrity is your excellence!
Ah Freilichen Purim! Bhatzlocha!

paperflowers

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 11:46 am

Fulfilling your tafkid doesn’t have to be through some amazing talent. There are people who are incredible singers, or artists, or bakers, but that isn’t how they make a difference in the world.

You bring light and goodness into the world by making a difference in the lives of the people around you, in ways only you can. Your kids need YOU to be their mother. No one else can do that job. If you meet someone in the grocery store and help them out, you were put in that situation to make a difference for that person. People with amazing talents can use those to serve HaShem, but it’s not the talent that makes them incredible, it’s how they use it.

I get very inspired by stories of people who make a difference in the world just by being who they are and making ripples wherever they can.