No one offered to bring anything

iyar

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 5:17 pm

amother wrote:

op- you are cominb across as a sour grump. lighten up a bit! and stop expecting your guests to roll 10 lbs of ground beef. eeew. who wants that many hands touching their food?

What?!
Unacceptable post.
If I was Achashveirosh you’d be in the dungeon with Vashti.

amother

Aubergine

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 5:23 pm

I didn't read the whole thread. A lot of people do the purim meal as a potluck. Personally, I am hosting 30 people and doing the cooking by myself. My mother is bringing a big huge roast and one other family keeps on offering to make things. I happen to like to cook and I am not so comfortable asking people to bring things. I know that when I invite someone to my house I am doing the cooking unless they ask to bring something I will accept. And one brother did offer to bring a bottle of wine.

amother

Pearl

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 5:43 pm

Thank you so much to everybody who understood my vent!! I really appreciate the validation. I am very much looking forward to tomorrow, I’m just a bit overwhelmed. I’ve hosted big crowds in the past so I don’t know why it’s getting to me now. I’m very blessed to be able to host people and to have people in my community that I consider good friends. This time five years ago we were new in town and I could never imagine having a house full of guests. Ashreinu!!

giselle

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 5:47 pm

amother wrote:

Yes, I’m grumpy here because I came here to let off a little bit of steam and everybody is taking apart my words and adding their own narrative to it.

No hands touched my meatballs, for what it’s worth. The friend who did come over to help me and I both wore gloves. We had a great time and had lunch afterwards! This friend actually offered and asked if there was anything she could do to help. Nobody expected anything.

Gosh, sometimes you can’t say anything without getting jumped on. I totally get you OP, and I think it’s very strange that people did not offer to help.

ahuva06

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 5:59 pm

amother wrote:

Being that there is no dislike button, and ive committed to not hugging aggressively, I have to say that I completely disagree.

From the very first post, op has acknowledged, repeatedly, that she understand the flaw in her feeling logically, and that she knows this is how she did it, and that she's just venting about her help not being reciprocated, and perhaps looking for a way to ask for wine gifts.

I dont see sour grumpiness, and I would ask a super close friend whos eating by me often and wants to help but cant afford it, to help with the food.

Exactly this. You guys, why are you being so hard on op?! She's doing a really nice thing and hosting what sounds like a large crowd with no help at all. That's a huge undertaking and so overwhelming! Op I understand where you're coming from all the way. I don't know why your head is getting bitten off. Personally, my family has been invited to purim meals before and I never joined without contributing. To me it seems like basic manners to ask if the host needs help and to happily pitch in.

amother

Coral

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 6:07 pm

My goodness some of the responses are horrible! OP you're doing great, consider making a potluck next year to take some of the work load. You are totally not a grump and are more than entitled to vent.

amother

Scarlet

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 6:15 pm

ahuva06 wrote:

To me it seems like basic manners to ask if the host needs help and to happily pitch in.

Of course, but on Purim some people go about it differently, being that they're most likely bringing Mishloach Manos with them.

SixOfWands

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 6:20 pm

amother wrote:

Of course, but on Purim some people go about it differently, being that they're most likely bringing Mishloach Manos with them.

Maybe. If the MM is something substantial that can be used at the seuda.

But if your theme is cavities, so your MM is 1 laffy taffy, 1 small box of raisins and 1 pixie stick glued to a paper plate shaped like a tooth, the MM isn't helping much.

amother

Scarlet

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 6:33 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

I would think that people would bring something more substantial than that if they're coming to a Seudah and haven't offered to bring something with them. A nice box of chocolates or some baked goods can be considered to be a substantial offering in such a case.

happyone

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 6:34 pm

I might be the odd man out. We invite guests all the time and dont appreciate when they bring food items. it messes with my menu and doesnt always "go" with my planned meal. I invite guests so they can relax, be wined and dined and not have the pressure of staying home and cooking.
Expecting them to bring food items sort of defeats the purpose if I am offering them a meal or weekend out.
We also invite guests with different hashkafic backgrounds so if they brought food may get awkward with hechsherim and whatnot.

That being said, I've never said no to a bottle of wine. Cheers

ra_mom

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 6:57 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

I love this

Raisin

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 7:06 pm

OP, even you don't say anything I am sure some guests will bring wine or chocolates or something. But I agree you can ask people to bring wine or beer or spirits. Maybe you can hook up with the imamother with 100 little bottles of mishloach manos mashke and use it for your seuda. Laugh

amother

Bisque

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 9:08 pm

Op I definitely understand if you are overwhelmed but I need to explain my side. As a guest, I never offered to bring anything. I expected them to do it all JUST LIKE WHEN I INVITE THEM, I DO IT ALL! If I had to make something when others invited me id rather not go bec when we stay home, I make very sinple things and I am not the best cook

Nobody ever offered to make something except for 2 in all these years. Im glad I didnt go to my relatives because if they expected me to bring something, I cant afford /make the fancy food they eat. Remember everyone has their own tastes/types of foods and everyone follows different halachos in the kitchen.

when I host, I expect nobody to bring food and I expect to pay. So, if you are going to offer to host in the future, I think you should assume you will be doing all the cooking and paying for everything on your own. Otherwise, youll just feel resentful. Im sorry you are feeling overwhelmed, but a lot of people assume the host offered because she is okay with cooking and paying.....and they dont even think they should.

Laiya

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 11:00 pm

amother wrote:

As the host, you can certainly say, Please don't bring anything, just yourselves! But it's still appropriate for the guest to offer.