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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Purim
No one offered to bring anything
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Moonlight




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 20 2019, 8:30 pm
SixOfWands wrote:
Maybe. If the MM is something substantial that can be used at the seuda.

But if your theme is cavities, so your MM is 1 laffy taffy, 1 small box of raisins and 1 pixie stick glued to a paper plate shaped like a tooth, the MM isn't helping much.

LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL what an awesome theme. I think my kids do it every year without realizing
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amother
Maroon


 

Post Wed, Mar 20 2019, 8:36 pm
I'm BT too and when my family was younger we used to host a group of our BT friends for the seudah. Now that our kids are teenagers we don't. But back then when I'd invite people they'd instantly ask what they could make. And the word they used was "share" the cooking. As in, "Thanks so much, we'd love to come, and of course we'll share the cooking. What should I make?" I was never the one who was asking people to cook - it was understood by everyone that it's nice to contribute to the meal when you're invited.

Maybe, op, you're an amazing cook and super geshikt and people don't even dream that you would want help? Unlike myself, lol, where the immediate reaction to an invite was to offer to help out. Smile
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amother
Bisque


 

Post Wed, Mar 20 2019, 8:38 pm
Laiya wrote:
As the host, you can certainly say, Please don't bring anything, just yourselves! But it's still appropriate for the guest to offer.


I disagree. My parents always hosted and noone ever offered. We didnt have a lot but we shared what we had and my parents were never resentful. I never thought of offering, and I hope my previous hosts were not upset at me Anyway, I think that someone who hosts and is resentful and expects guests to bring ...should probably not be hosting. Obviously, we disagree. Its like guests "cant win" bec. Sometimes guests bring but the hosts dont like it and it goes to waste and if a guest says he cant come, then the host is insulted. If a guest brings something, sometimes the host may feel its too small for that crowd. ....etc. if a host is expecting something(s) from guests, I dont think they should be hosting. But, there are different people with different upbringings/experiences and we disagree.
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kenz




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 20 2019, 8:40 pm
amother wrote:
Yes, I’m grumpy here because I came here to let off a little bit of steam and everybody is taking apart my words and adding their own narrative to it.


Welcome to Imamother, OP. There is virtually no scenario in which this does not happen. But even with that, it's a good place to hang out and often extremely helpful in various ways.
I totally hear you - I do think they will probably show up with beautiful mishloach manos for you, but that doesn't help your pre-seudah pressure. It definitely would have been more mentshlach of them to offer, but unfortunately not everyone thinks the way we'd like them to.
I hope you are pleasantly surprised tomorrow with what some of your guests do decide to bring. A freilichen Purim!
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cozyblanket




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 20 2019, 9:05 pm
OP, I'm with you.
I have never been to a purim seudah where I didn't make 1-2 dishes (or bring all the paper goods) plus bring a bottle of wine. It's standard in my circles to assume you are helping.

I hope your seudah is amazing! A freiluchin Purim, everyone!
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heidi




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 20 2019, 10:56 pm
amother wrote:
Quote:
OP next year bill it as a potluck seudah and assign guests to bring something.

This.
We've been doing our seuda with a group of friends for a few years. From the first time it was clearly stated it was potluck. The host asks everyone to bring one protein, one side and one dessert. Host does not make food, but provides challah, paper goods and drinks (and obviously set up and clean up)
All men are responsible for bringing their own alcohol
I think this is basically how it's done in my community. I've not heard of anyone that cooks the whole seuda themselves Confused

This.
I've lived in several different communities and Purim seuda has always been a completely joint effort from paper goods to food to drink.
OP if this is your chevra shouldn't you be comfortable enough with them to ask them to contribute?
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devash1




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 20 2019, 11:20 pm
I can sympathize with you, we are going to friends and I offered to bring the main dish before I knew she invited two other families. After she told me I felt funny saying that I didn't want to bring all of the meat. In hindsight I realize that I should have said that is too much and too much money for me. Since it is already too late I am bringing a ton of meet for the main course and davening Hashem answers out of my prayers on this holy day. I know that he can repay me easily for this and since this is a sudas mitzvah I'm hoping that it's like Shabbos and whatever you spend you get back!
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sarahmalka




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 21 2019, 6:29 pm
OP I had to come back to this thread, which I read through yesterday but didn't comment on, to tell you that at the seuda I was at tonight, a friend randomly told me "Of course one never goes to a Purim seuda without bringing a dish to contribute!"
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ChutzPAh




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 21 2019, 7:41 pm
Did your guest bring the salad ?
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