Kids using Sholoch Monos to hurt

amother

Periwinkle

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 5:59 pm

My ten and a half year old son came home very sad yesterday. One of the popular boys in his class brought 15 sholoch monos to school -for a class of 21. He made a big show of who he is and isn’t giving to. He also had a very showy sholoch monos -with expensive treats & a very “in” toy gadget. This is not the first time, he has done many such similar things over the years. How would you deal with this? Involve the teacher? The mom? Principal? Just ignore it & try to build my child up, and tell him unfortunately there are ppl that act very not nice in this world? And how do I get over this myself? -feeling such a deep hurt for my boy!
(My son b”h has many friends, is confident, and as I know and I’m told by his teachers & others -a very kind, giving, sensitive boy.)
TIA!

justmarried:)

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 6:04 pm

That’s very sad. As a kid I used to bring my mm to school the day before because there wasn’t enough time to go to whole class on Purim. But I would give every kid in the class. I don’t think it’s very nice to bring to school if you aren’t giving everyone...

Raw

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 6:06 pm

Wow, that is so hurtful and inappropriate. I would imagine the school has a policy in place regarding this sort of thing (party invitations etc.) which would logically extend to MM.
I would definitely bring it up with the teachers and/or principal.
I’m going to be DLZ here and think that the boys’ parents are clueless and aren’t too involved in managing their kids MM.

amother

Black

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 6:11 pm

That's terrible. I wonder if his parents realize what he's doing. I had a similar situation this year, where a classmate had a birthday party and invited everyone but a few boys in the class. My DS was among the boys not invited, for no reason that I can discern besides for the birthday boy not caring for him. BH my DS is socially savvy, well liked in general, and has much better middos than this other boy does. But it's still very painful. In your case, since this took place at school, I think it's fine to contact the administration if you'd like, and ask them if there's an official policy they can remind the parents of each year.

ra_mom

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 6:15 pm

That is beyond awful! And I'm horrified that his adult parents allowed this. Crying

It is instances like this that have resulted in schools not allowing any MM exchanges in school. It sounds like you need to speak to the principal. He can than speak to the teacher etc.

Last edited by ra_mom on Wed, Mar 20 2019, 6:16 pm; edited 1 time in total

SixOfWands

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 6:15 pm

amother wrote:

I wouldn't involve the parents. They know what's going on, and don't care.

I would discuss this with the teacher. This should not be happening in school.

I'm sorry that this happened to your son.

amother

Blonde

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 6:16 pm

amother wrote:

Is it any wonder with mothers who compete with each other in terms of showiness, check size and put down other people’s perfectly adequate Mishloach Manos that we are churning out kids like this? Wake up people, one of you is responsible for the child who did this heinous show to OP’s class.

OP I daven that your kind boy ends up a Rav who will recount this disgusting story every Purim as a wake up call to our community.

Ema of 5

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 6:27 pm

amother wrote:

This is exactly why I don’t let my kids take their mishloach Manos to school. Well, except for one child, but thats because that child doesn’t go to school locally and doesn’t have anyone local from his class. He only has five kids in his class though, and he gives everyone.
My kids pick 5 people hey want to give (not necessarily from their class) and then we deliver on Purim.

amother

Blonde

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 6:34 pm

amother wrote:

Yes I would speak to teacher. It doesn’t hurt. And I am not sure why the mom is ok with this. I am sure she is the one making the mm and letting her son bring them to school

I would love to know where OP is to out the mother of this boy. It would make my Purim to have her read all this and offer a public apology. I can dream, can’t I...

amother

Periwinkle

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 6:43 pm

Thank you all for the validation!

I am very sensitive myself, and a big mama bear when my kids are involved, so wanted to make sure I’m not over reacting...

School does not have a policy in place. I hope they will put one in place after I speak to them.

I hope my son & I can put this out of our heads and not let it dampen our Purim simcha! So sad when a mitzva meant to add simcha & friendship does the opposite...

Tzutzie

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 6:44 pm

That's awful. If it happened in in school I'd definitely involve the teacher.

Talk to your son.
Tell him he has something priceless. Much better than any gift, toy or social standing and that is good middos. It's priceless. And will help him go far.

It's not either or. You can work with the school and also build up your son's self worth and self confidence. It should be independent of how that other boy is behaving towards him....

Raisin

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 6:47 pm

My kids school has a policy that birthday party invites may not be given out in school unless the whole class (or all the girls/all the boys) are invited.

For MM they make a goirel and give one kid. My daughter wants to give some other kids in her class but she is not taking them to school at all even though that would be easier.

amother

Wheat

Wed, Mar 20 2019, 6:58 pm

That is awful. I am hurting for both of you.

However, I do think though that while it's hurtful now, your son is being set up much better for life and the other boy is sadly being set up for disaster. This type of behavior exhibited by this child is not appreciated once people are grown-up. Meanwhile your child is being raised to be sensitive and is being taught well on how to deal with people and assess situations.

I don't understand why the school doesn't have a policy in place.
In my kids school, everyone gets two names, so everyone gives two and gets two.