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Forum
-> Parenting our children
amother
Plum
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Sat, Mar 23 2019, 6:02 pm
On Purim we joined a seuda with a bunch of young couples, all with one or two very young children/babies each. We didn’t know all the people, but it was the same general social crowd as us.
One of the guys - we don’t know him - married with a couple kids, encouraged my 5 year old DD to sit on his lap, which she did happily as my husband was right there. This guy was not drunk. I saw the situation and immediately offered her some nosh across the room so she would leave him. I then explained to her that he’s a stranger and we don’t sit on strangers laps.
Was I just being paranoid to teach my daughter this? Should I have left her there? I’m not saying there’s definitely anything weird about this guy, just should I have reacted the way I did to teach her stranger safety? I didn’t feel comfortable with the situation..
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amother
Salmon
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Sat, Mar 23 2019, 7:10 pm
You were 100% correct. Yes, it could have been completely innocent. But why take the risk?
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amother
Slateblue
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Sat, Mar 23 2019, 7:14 pm
It's not allowed halachically after 3 anyway.
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ectomorph
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Sat, Mar 23 2019, 8:04 pm
I wouldn't allow it in today's day and age. Even though prob innocent. Not sure of halacha.
In my grandmother's time rabbis (& priests for that matter) used to be much more physically affectionate. Times have changed and it is no longer appropriate.
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meyerlemon44
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Sat, Mar 23 2019, 8:47 pm
I don’t think it was necessarily sinister on his behalf, but I also don’t blame you for not wanting your dd to sit on a strange man’s lap.
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amother
Scarlet
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Sat, Mar 23 2019, 8:49 pm
trust your gut and don't look back. when you have a feeling, act. I would have done the same
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crust
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Sat, Mar 23 2019, 8:51 pm
Not that I think the guy was automatically on to something but I would do exactly what you did.
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Zehava
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Sat, Mar 23 2019, 8:52 pm
You went with your gut. Good for you
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Ema of 5
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Sat, Mar 23 2019, 8:52 pm
amother wrote: | It's not allowed halachically after 3 anyway. |
I always find it so interesting that when people say something is strictly against Halacha, they do it as amother. Are you not sure that you are right? Do you not want people to disagree with you? Do you not firmly stand behind what you wrote?
As it turns out, we do NOT hold this way, although we still don’t let our children sit on most peoples laps.
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notshanarishona
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Sat, Mar 23 2019, 8:55 pm
I wouldn't have allowed it either.
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SecretNinjaMom
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Sat, Mar 23 2019, 9:30 pm
Good for you! I would’ve done the exact same thing. It’s so sad that those thoughts come to our mind but we HAVE to protect our children whether or not we know the reasoning behind others’ behaviors. 😟
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amother
Chocolate
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Sat, Mar 23 2019, 9:43 pm
Of course you did the right thing. Why would a man who doesn't know your daughter signal for her to sit on his lap?
Asking - as I can't see a good reason for this.
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amother
Ruby
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Sat, Mar 23 2019, 9:45 pm
Very clever, quick thinking to use that excuse to get her off his lap without embarrassing anybody. You were 1000% correct to do so.
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CPenzias
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Sat, Mar 23 2019, 10:32 pm
If not for nothing it was a valuable teachable moment.
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amother
Maroon
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Sat, Mar 23 2019, 10:39 pm
even if innocent you are teaching her an important healthy boundary not to sit in strangers or non relatives, or however you phrase it, laps etc
and if you were uncomfortable than thats it, if you don't think its appropriate then thats it thats the rule
would do the same
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FranticFrummie
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Sat, Mar 23 2019, 10:57 pm
amother wrote: | Very clever, quick thinking to use that excuse to get her off his lap without embarrassing anybody. You were 1000% correct to do so. |
Amazingly fast thinking, and I am very impressed that you handled it so perfectly. I'm sure that your offering her a treat came across seamlessly and naturally, so that no one would pick up on any tension going on. Good for you!
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groisamomma
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Sun, Mar 24 2019, 12:45 am
Smart mother. You didn't say anything to the guy?
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Rappel
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Sun, Mar 24 2019, 12:50 am
amother wrote: | Of course you did the right thing. Why would a man who doesn't know your daughter signal for her to sit on his lap?
Asking - as I can't see a good reason for this. |
Because he's a friendly, fatherly type of person who likes holding children? Maybe he wanted to play a game with her, or maybe she was bored and whining to her Abba, so he thought he could help and bounce her up and down on his knees so he could still chat with the other dads?
Not everything is perverted.
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amother
Lavender
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Sun, Mar 24 2019, 12:54 am
Rappel wrote: | Because he's a friendly, fatherly type of person who likes holding children? Maybe he wanted to play a game with her, or maybe she was bored and whining to her Abba, so he thought he could help and bounce her up and down on his knees so he could still chat with the other dads?
Not everything is perverted. |
Totally agree. I would have done the same as op, because it's unfortunately common safety sense and better safe than sorry. But I definitely wouldn't assume anything sinister was happening.
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