Home

Please help me... I feel like I lost my child
  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10  Next  Last >>
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children

View latest: 24h 48h 72h


amother




Pearl


Post  Sun, Mar 24 2019, 6:04 pm
He was a cute, smart, creative little boy.
He was also defiant, demanding and impulsive. This became progressively worse as he grew up.
He is barely a young teen. Only weeks after his bar mitzvah and I feel like I basically lost him.
On the outside, he cut off his small peyos and gelled the front of his hair.
He walks around with the hood of his hoodie on almost all the time.
Who is this strange boy? I want my sweet, cute and even defiant boy back. That boy, though he gave me a hard time, was innocent.
This strange young man who is sleeping in my little boys bed was found to have bypassed our parental controls and accessed p*rn*graphy.
This strange young man who only a few years ago would cry for a lollipop now has an e-cigarette which I unfortunately found and now he no longer hides.
He uses the worst possible words which I have to pretend not to hear.
He is disrespectful to me and our family. Literally cursing us and speaking in the most inappropriate way imaginable.
How did this happen?? Where did our boy go? Is he gone forever? I’d like him back. I wish this intruder would leave!
How can we live with this monster? Have I buried my child forever?
Back to top

amother




Gray


Post  Sun, Mar 24 2019, 6:07 pm
Hugs and following. I think a lot to of people are unfortunately experiencing things Iike this. Crying for you, me, all of us.
Back to top

amother




Periwinkle


Post  Sun, Mar 24 2019, 6:07 pm
Hug
Back to top

yksraya




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Mar 24 2019, 6:08 pm
Your child shows signs of being abused. Would he agree to see a therapist?
Back to top

Squishy




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Mar 24 2019, 6:12 pm
yksraya wrote:
Your child shows signs of being abused. Would he agree to see a therapist?


That's nonsense and hurtful. I see this happening with boys trying to be cool. Young teens who come from nice homes rebel also.
Back to top

yksraya




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Mar 24 2019, 6:13 pm
Squishy wrote:
That's nonsense and hurtful. I see this happening with boys trying to be cool. Young teens who come from nice homes rebel also.

Usually not at 13-14. And the watching p*rn part, he is a little too young for that unless he got abused...
Back to top

ra_mom




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Mar 24 2019, 6:22 pm
I know you're hurting but please don't call him a monster. Crying
Back to top

amother




Pearl


Post  Sun, Mar 24 2019, 6:26 pm
yksraya wrote:
Your child shows signs of being abused. Would he agree to see a therapist?


What do you mean by abused? Physically abused? Emotionally abused? s-xually abused?
He’s been seeing a therapist. Abuse was never mentioned.
Are you a therapist? Which symptoms are making you sure there was abuse?
Back to top

malki2




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Mar 24 2019, 6:36 pm
yksraya wrote:
Usually not at 13-14. And the watching p*rn part, he is a little too young for that unless he got abused...


That’s not true. Boys could get curious at that age. If he was shrewd enough to bypass the parental controls, he could have seen a lifetime’s worth. It happens. And being abused is not a prerequisite.

OP, does either you or your husband have an open relationship with him? You have to get through to him with acceptance and without incriminating him but getting him to understand that the p@rn is damaging his mind. He needs to break away from it as soon as possible.

However, as you describe it, that he is cursing at you, the relationship does not seem so good. But hopefully I am wrong.
Back to top

yksraya




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Mar 24 2019, 7:01 pm
amother wrote:
What do you mean by abused? Physically abused? Emotionally abused? s-xually abused?
He’s been seeing a therapist. Abuse was never mentioned.
Are you a therapist? Which symptoms are making you sure there was abuse?

It's easier to call him a monster than to notice he is troubled. What exactly troubles him is your job to get to the bottom of. But clearly this is not the usual behavior for a boy his age. Although some of you would disagree with me.
Back to top

amother




Vermilion


Post  Sun, Mar 24 2019, 7:03 pm
I think you should stop dramatizing the situation and not speak about him as if he's a stranger. He's your son. That will never change. If you show him that you love him no matter what, maybe he will open up. But treating him like a stranger will push him away.
An e cigarette isn't ideal but it's not the end of the world. A hoodie is irrelevant and the only thing I would be strict about is the disrespectful behavior towards you and the rest of your family.
Back to top

yksraya




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Mar 24 2019, 7:04 pm
malki2 wrote:
That’s not true. Boys could get curious at that age. If he was shrewd enough to bypass the parental controls, he could have seen a lifetime’s worth. It happens. And being abused is not a prerequisite.

OP, does either you or your husband have an open relationship with him? You have to get through to him with acceptance and without incriminating him but getting him to understand that the p@rn is damaging his mind. He needs to break away from it as soon as possible.

However, as you describe it, that he is cursing at you, the relationship does not seem so good. But hopefully I am wrong.


Maybe boys are curious. But then why the rest of the behavior. I'll say it again. 13 is a little young for this kind of rebellion.
Back to top

Zehava




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Mar 24 2019, 7:06 pm
You will never have your son back if you refer to him as a monster.
Everything about him screams pain. There could be so many reasons why.
As others mentioned abuse
Most of all though his behavior is pointing to a rupture in your relationship. Going way back to when you referred to him as demanding defiant and impulsive. There is a breach of trust there. He is afraid. He is in heartrending soul-crushing pain. Maybe if for just a minute you stopped thinking about your own pain you will see the hurt little boy hiding beneath that hood.
He is young. Barely into his teens. There is hope for repair. But only, only if you’re willing to take a good hard look at yourself and your relationship with him. Only if you’re willing to put your own pride aside and listen. To apologize if needed. Don’t cast your little boy away because of your ego.
Back to top

amother




Vermilion


Post  Sun, Mar 24 2019, 7:07 pm
yksraya wrote:
It's easier to call him a monster than to notice he is troubled. What exactly troubles him is your job to get to the bottom of. But clearly this is not the usual behavior for a boy his age. Although some of you would disagree with me.


Why wouldn't it be? What's not normal about it? Teens are testing boundaries. Besides it's scary growing up .. everything changes. So they act out. I think it's perfectly normal but some things are just not okay.. like disrespecting parents.
Besides 13/14 is NOT too young to get curious about p-orn. If he was 8/9 it would be too early. 13/14 is exactly the right age. When do you think they start thinking about it? 18?
Back to top

yksraya




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Mar 24 2019, 7:14 pm
amother wrote:
Why wouldn't it be? What's not normal about it? Teens are testing boundaries. Besides it's scary growing up .. everything changes. So they act out. I think it's perfectly normal but some things are just not okay.. like disrespecting parents.
Besides 13/14 is NOT too young to get curious about p-orn. If he was 8/9 it would be too early. 13/14 is exactly the right age. When do you think they start thinking about it? 18?

It's not just the p*rn part. It's the whole description.

Unfortunately, the only times teens that young (as far as I know- and I know a lot) show such behavior, they come from dysfunctional homes or where abused in any which way. Or he went through trauma etc.
Back to top

amother




Violet


Post  Sun, Mar 24 2019, 7:27 pm
I'll say every thing that I think based on my own experiences. Feel free to ignore my post. It's your child, your call your pain. I'm not judging you just trying to help.

Why was abuse not mentioned with this therapist?
I think its important to know that no, not all boys want to be cool in such a way. There's either a learning disability ADHD or abuse involved when a boy so young is involved in [filth].
There's a void that he's trying to fill. Sometimes the void is an unmedicated mood disorder.

It seems like you never got a real proffessional diagnosis.

Please get him and yourself to a good therapist. Call Mr. Kesner from Relief for a referral.
Hugs.
Back to top

amother




Lawngreen


Post  Sun, Mar 24 2019, 8:01 pm
There was [filth] going around my DHS class at that age. His older brother had some magazines hidden under the bed... It is naive to assume a 13/14 year old boy who knows what [filth] is has been abused.
Back to top

dancingqueen




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Mar 24 2019, 8:10 pm
13 year old boys are known to be crazy h*rny. Looking at [filth] at that age, while not desirable in many ways, is also normal.
Back to top

mommy3b2c




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Mar 24 2019, 8:13 pm
yksraya wrote:
Usually not at 13-14. And the watching p*rn part, he is a little too young for that unless he got abused...


Not really....
Back to top

saralem




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Mar 24 2019, 8:55 pm
Whatever you do, do NOT throw him out. Hold him close to you no matter what. As hard as that sounds it’s the only way.
Back to top
  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10  Next  Last >> Recent Topics

Page 1 of 10 View latest: 24h 48h 72h


Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children

Related Topics Replies Last Post
How to tire kids so they feel tired come bedtime?
by amother
6 Yesterday at 5:16 pm View last post
Help me keep tidy
by amother
4 Yesterday at 3:14 pm View last post
Do health experts feel there's risk in eating this onion?
by amother
8 Yesterday at 2:30 pm View last post
Need help planing vacation to London
by amother
3 Yesterday at 1:46 pm View last post
Interior designer for as needed help in Brooklyn
by amother
0 Yesterday at 10:17 am View last post

Jump to: