Please help me... I feel like I lost my child

amother

Crimson

Fri, Mar 29 2019, 11:55 am

amother wrote:

My sense after reading this thread is that some of those preaching unconditional love and acceptance were very difficult children themselves who are now looking to put all the blame for the strained relationship that their behavior caused on their parents.

And “some” of these are parents who wont look deep within themselves to see if there is anything they need to work on

nchr

Fri, Mar 29 2019, 11:56 am

aricelli wrote:

If a child can begin exhibiting these behaviors why cant they be diagnosed as a child?

I'm not a professional, but AFAIK personality disorder is a result of repeated negative behavior patterns. Young children just cannot have developed such patterns I assume. Older teens probably can. There are also probably kids that exhibit behaviors and are watched. Either way, does it matter at that point? Parents need to respectfully and loving guide children to be healthy.

aricelli

Fri, Mar 29 2019, 11:58 am

nchr wrote:

I guess it probably wouldnt matter. I just hear people talking about children with personality disorders and that bothers me. Its just because of my personal experience: (isnt it always) - I could have gotten this label but there was reason for it... may everyone find the healing they need.
Edited to add

Last edited by aricelli on Fri, Mar 29 2019, 12:03 pm; edited 1 time in total

nchr

Fri, Mar 29 2019, 11:58 am

amother wrote:

Did I hit a raw nerve?

How is this appropriate? You're engaging in a personal dig under your sn against a poster who has posted some pretty personal stuff with her sn. Obviously this is the internet so there is anonymity and people tweak details here and there, but hiding behind amother doesn't seem fair here. At least come out under the name of your internet persona.

Zehava

Fri, Mar 29 2019, 12:02 pm

aricelli wrote:

I guess it probably wouldnt matter. I just hear people talking about children with personality disorders and that bothers me

Mental illness is genetic but most personality disorders are the result of abuse and neglect. They run through family trees until one or more children are strong enough to endure it and not repeat it.

aricelli

Fri, Mar 29 2019, 12:05 pm

Zehava wrote:

Take the child out of thst environment, give them warmth and heart and perhaps that label will vanish- so its a false label for many kids

Zehava

Fri, Mar 29 2019, 12:07 pm

aricelli wrote:

Take the child out of thst environment, give them warmth and heart and perhaps that label will vanish- so its a false label for many kids

Maybe
But some scars are irreversible. The first years before conscious memory begins is an especially vulnerable time for a child. If secure attachment isn’t established that can sometimes cause lifelong damage.

aricelli

Fri, Mar 29 2019, 12:13 pm

Zehava wrote:

Oh sure- damage is damage. But theres damage and then theres damage. The longer youre in that environment the tougher the healing.
Once youre out your head can clear so you can start the process of healing. B’kitzur- we’re saying the same things but from different angles: just love!

aricelli

Fri, Mar 29 2019, 12:15 pm

And as mothers- we all want the same things for our kids though we may come at it from different angles. We all want them to be happy. We all only mean their good I believe- so shout out to all you great moms over here and wishing you and your children only the best. Good shabbos

Zehava

Fri, Mar 29 2019, 12:16 pm

aricelli wrote:

As Rachel Schmidt says, love is not enough
Love, like, accept, encourage, believe
And most of all remember you are on the same side

aricelli

Fri, Mar 29 2019, 12:18 pm

Zehava wrote:

As Rachel Schmidt says, love is not enough
Love, like, accept, encourage, believe
And most of all remember you are on the same side

Definately on “the same side” as you! Peace.