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OUT OF CONTROL Purim Parties, Accurate or Exaggeration?
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amother




Black


Post  Mon, Mar 25 2019, 2:28 am
https://www.theyeshivaworld.co......html MAILBAG: Wealthy People Making OUT OF CONTROL Purim Parties – WHY ARE WE SILENT?
March 24, 2019

So Purim is over, the hangovers are long gone, but many youngsters – and even adults – are now suffering thanks to the out of control open parties plaguing our communities.

Let’s keep in short and straight to the point.

Why is it that some “gevirim”, whether they’ve been around for years or others that just began making a few dollars the last year (or make believe they did), feel the need to throw the most insane lavish parties open to the public?

One party in the Ir Hatorah of Lakewood, a party that likely cost around $250,000 (including a full band, massive tent, multiple superstar singers, tons and tons of food, open bars) caused more damage than any possible good. Taaruvos galore, with boys and girls mingling all over the nearby streets.

At a different Shul party, Hatzolah had to be there so many times it is not possible to count. One kid after the next was carried out, as children of all ages managed to get toasted on all types of hard liquor. Of course, the wonderful Baalei Batim of this Shul were writing checks while the 13 year old boys got hammered on as much liquor as they wanted.

In Flatbush as well, it was one insane party after the next.

At more than one party, the NYPD made arrests after brawls broke out. One group of kids smashed windows of homes. Another group egged dozens of homes, and fist-fights broke out on Ave J and East 22 Street – resulting in arrests. Of course the Gevirim wrote out checks the entire time as violence was rampant on the streets outside.

I can fill up this column with 50 confirmed stories from this year alone. No, not hearsay. Real factual stories.


Dozens of such disgusting Seudos Achashverosh took place in our communities – and not a word from the Rabbonim. It seems that EVERYTHING flies in the name of Tzedakah.

It’s disgusting. How many Neshamos were ruined this Purim. How many youngsters had their first hit of marijuana? How many young boys and girls exchanged phone numbers? How many married men and women were nichshal in terrible aveiros because of these parties?

The Roshei Yeshiva and Rabbonim should ban every one of these parties. Are these events Mutar and everything flies when it’s about money for the Mosdos. Does a 6 digit pledge to a big moisad grant someone the free pass to make a party of any magnitude without a peep from a single Rav or R”Y? Why didn’t all the Roshei Yeshiva get together and outright ban every single Yeshiva Bochur from attending any of these events?

I am appalled by this entire situation, which has no place on a choshuver Yom Tov of Purim, or at any time for that matter. Furthermore these actions are unfortunately seen by our youth which cause a big lack of respect for our Rabbonim when they see what is “allowed” to transpire in our midst.

Let me predict the response to this painful letter.

Of course the Rabbonim will bash me (and probably YWN for publishing this letter). “The nerve they have to question their Daas Torah…”

The readers will say “this letter writer is jealous that he doesn’t have money to make such a massive party, besides being a hater etc”… and of course “spreading Loshon Horah and Motzei Shem Ra.”

All the typical responses to the guilty feelings while trying to turn the tables.

WHY ARE WE REMAINING SILENT?!

We need action to be taken to ensure this madness ends!
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DrMom




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Mar 25 2019, 2:45 am
Doesn't sound like a kiddush hashem.
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amother




Teal


Post  Mon, Mar 25 2019, 7:32 am
Before Purim I would not have agreed with this letter. My boys are young, their Purim parties was music, hotdog, and fries.

My DD has gone to many Purim parties over the years and never saw anything outrageous.

This year was different. She told me of one girl (underage) that got drunk, but bh knew enough not to drive. There was obviously no supervision, although most people in attendance were adults.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Mar 25 2019, 7:42 am
I remember one party where boys under 13 were drinking hard liquor, and smoking cigarettes. The men thought it was adorable.

DD and I were disgusted, and left early.
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amother




Azure


Post  Mon, Mar 25 2019, 7:56 am
The problem (if true) based on the article has nothing to do with "gevirim". Alchohol costs money but it is not exclusive to gevirim. Teenage boys can get equally drunk on cheap alcohol and beer. I always see ads in the paper encouraging everyone to be responsible.
I don't care if someone with a multi gazzilion dollar bank account throws a party for 250k.
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Ruchel




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Mar 25 2019, 7:57 am
Never seen
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leah233




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Mar 25 2019, 8:02 am
amother wrote:



One party in the Ir Hatorah of Lakewood, a party that likely cost around $250,000 (including a full band, massive tent, multiple superstar singers, tons and tons of food, open bars) caused more damage than any possible good. Taaruvos galore, with boys and girls mingling all over the nearby streets.

!


This doesn't sound true. Which private individual would spend a quarter of a million dollars on a public Purim party? No one advertised that event so how did word get around? Why weren't there pictures of the superstars singing in Lakewood on any Lakewood news website (MBD came to BMG)

It was pouring rain after Purim. Were the boys and girls mingling all over the nearby streets in the pouring rain?

Finally the type of boys and girls who would go to such events and act that way don't limit that behavior to Purim so it's not a "Purim party" issue.They would be acting that way with or without a major party.

There are enough bans already. As someone who supports most bans the imamother war against people enjoying Purim is just taking things too far even for me.

Before Purim it's the MM. Closer to Purim it's the Suedah. After Purim it's the parties. With plenty of other kvetching along the way.

Enough already.
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amother




Mauve


Post  Mon, Mar 25 2019, 8:19 am
Leah 233, there were actually videos posted online of the singers at the private party. I don't know how to link, but check out the Lakewood scoop instagram.
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amother




Coffee


Post  Mon, Mar 25 2019, 8:29 am
Knowing the editor of that site, I can assure you these reports are greatly exaggerated, if at all having even a remote grain of truth. Sensationalism at its best.

Next.
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amother




Maroon


Post  Mon, Mar 25 2019, 8:35 am
leah233 wrote:


It was pouring rain after Purim. Were the boys and girls mingling all over the nearby streets in the pouring rain?



Enough already.



There were parties on Wenesday night. And it was not raining Wednesday night.
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Chayalle




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Mar 25 2019, 8:43 am
Alot of the underage drinking that goes on has nothing to do with the gevirim, and everything to do with the boys going around collecting and having alcohol with them.

You think the gevirim want a bunch of drunk teenagers in their homes? I was at the home of a relative who is well-to-do, and she was telling me that it's totally out of control. There were smashed beer bottles (not supplied by my relative) on their front steps, you think they want that? The boys were literally grabbing things off her set Purim table - uninvited.

I live next door to a wealthy Baal Tzedakah, and I'm sure he doesn't solicit what goes on on his front lawn Purim night. I'm sure it costs him $$$ in landscaping the next week. He isn't asking for it.

One of my nephews told me that his R"Y goes around with them to collect, ensuring that they do not drink. An idea whose time has come. If they want the boys to collect money for them, let them provide supervision for the boys and ensure their safety.
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amother




Crimson


Post  Mon, Mar 25 2019, 9:25 am
Chayalle wrote:


One of my nephews told me that his R"Y goes around with them to collect, ensuring that they do not drink. An idea whose time has come. If they want the boys to collect money for them, let them provide supervision for the boys and ensure their safety.


ITA. This is a great idea. Especially since the yeshivas have hijacked the inyan of Matanas L'evyonim for their own selves, the least they can do is supervise the bochurim.

Purim was never meant to be a fundraising event for yeshivas. It's meant to be a day where we focus on the poor people in town. But as long as its in the name of money for the Yeshivas themselves, everything can fly. Young Bochurim getting drunk; houses and properties incurring damages; traffic jams all over the place because of these huge mobiles and caravans these boys travel around in = all seemingly ok. I don't think its even a question as to how quickly a ban would be levied against any of this, if there wouldn't be any money for the yeshivas in this.

It's all about the money, not the Yom Tov.
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amother




Powderblue


Post  Mon, Mar 25 2019, 9:27 am
No idea if this exact story happened but teens getting drunk is terrible. Underage drinking can easily Lead to alcoholism and further drug addiction. They are not fully mature yet so the alcohol has a unique power then.
Please watch your kids.
(I work with this population).
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Chayalle




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Mar 25 2019, 9:29 am
amother wrote:
No idea if this exact story happened but teens getting drunk is terrible. Underage drinking can easily Lead to alcoholism and further drug addiction. They are not fully mature yet so the alcohol has a unique power then.
Please watch your kids.
(I work with this population).


DD told me her coworker's husband took a young relative to the emergency room on Purim due to drinking, and the place was full of young Jewish boys.

It's ridiculous. Time our Rabbanim came out and did something about this.
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amother




Peach


Post  Mon, Mar 25 2019, 9:47 am
amother wrote:


snip

WHY ARE WE REMAINING SILENT?!



Because these are the type of things I never would have heard of without the internet.


Becuase I have no idea who to protest to.

Becuase I know no details of the stories. Or even if they are true

Because the world has enough problems already that I no room fit this new one in.
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amother




Yellow


Post  Mon, Mar 25 2019, 10:20 am
leah233 wrote:
This doesn't sound true. Which private individual would spend a quarter of a million dollars on a public Purim party? No one advertised that event so how did word get around? Why weren't there pictures of the superstars singing in Lakewood on any Lakewood news website (MBD came to BMG)

It was pouring rain after Purim. Were the boys and girls mingling all over the nearby streets in the pouring rain?

Finally the type of boys and girls who would go to such events and act that way don't limit that behavior to Purim so it's not a "Purim party" issue.They would be acting that way with or without a major party.

There are enough bans already. As someone who supports most bans the imamother war against people enjoying Purim is just taking things too far even for me.

Before Purim it's the MM. Closer to Purim it's the Suedah. After Purim it's the parties. With plenty of other kvetching along the way.

Enough already.


I actually know the person who threw the party. And it was probably more then 250,000. It was a party that was Megilla night, not Thursday night. He is known to be a very giving person and enjoys having parties for people to enjoy. This is not the first time he threw a party.
Regarding the whole YW article, I wasnt by the party, but I know people that were and I saw videos and I highly doubt it was as bad as the article makes it out to be. There were very frum people attending the party and very frum singers who wouldn't perform in front of mixed mingling crowds (dancing).
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leah233




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Mar 25 2019, 10:27 am
amother wrote:
I actually know the person who threw the party. And it was probably more then 250,000. It was a party that was Megilla night, not Thursday night. He is known to be a very giving person and enjoys having parties for people to enjoy. This is not the first time he threw a party.
Regarding the whole YW article, I wasnt by the party, but I know people that were and I saw videos and I highly doubt it was as bad as the article makes it out to be. There were very frum people attending the party and very frum singers who wouldn't perform in front of mixed mingling crowds (dancing).



This needs it own spinoff but why would anyone blow over a quarter of a million dollars on a Purim party?


Particularly when he wasn't publicly advertising it.


On the other hand he just made himself an address for every fundraiser in Lakewood. If he has over a quarter of a million dollars for a party that no one needs or asked for he certainly can be asked to help the poor people in town


Last edited by leah233 on Mon, Mar 25 2019, 10:33 am; edited 1 time in total
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amother




Violet


Post  Mon, Mar 25 2019, 10:32 am
If you wonder where it starts, it starts with you.

It is YOUR son. It is YOUR child. That's why my son did not go around collecting because I had no assurance of safety and I WILL.NOT.ALLOW it. Don't tell me the yeshiva requires it. Baloney. I will tell you what *I* require. When you talk with absolute conviction, people back down from "what is required". I have been at places on Purim where the parents think its just so funny or just par for the course with young boys drinking alcohol like water, behaving like boors, and vomiting (hopefully) in the bushes. I.SAY.NO.

If you don't like it, then you take a stand. Don't attend the parties. Don't attend the seudah where it occurs and tell them why. Yes, your son might be annoyed. But guess what. Kids get annoyed about stuff. Yes, kids get teased about stuff. But this is the place to draw the line. Eventually, things change. It starts slowly.
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thunderstorm




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Mar 25 2019, 10:43 am
[quote="Chayalle"]Alot of the underage drinking that goes on has nothing to do with the gevirim, and everything to do with the boys going around collecting and having alcohol with them.

You think the gevirim want a bunch of drunk teenagers in their homes? I was at the home of a relative who is well-to-do, and she was telling me that it's totally out of control. There were smashed beer bottles (not supplied by my relative) on their front steps, you think they want that? The boys were literally grabbing things off her set Purim table - uninvited.

I live next door to a wealthy Baal Tzedakah, and I'm sure he doesn't solicit what goes on on his front lawn Purim night. I'm sure it costs him $$$ in landscaping the next week. He isn't asking for it.

One of my nephews told me that his R"Y goes around with them to collect, ensuring that they do not drink. An idea whose time has come. If they want the boys to collect money for them, let them provide supervision for the boys and ensure their safety.[/quote


My three sons in three different yeshivas were in groups where no drinking occurred.
One collected in Teaneck and the Teaneck families made it clear that they will not give money to drunk guys.
My other sons class went as a group and one individual told them in advance that he planned to drink. The group told him that he can then not participate. If he did participate and did get drunk they would ship him back from Brooklyn to Monsey in a taxi that he would be responsible to pay for out of pocket.
My other son only 13 didn't have a thought to get drunk.
There are boys that "collect" just to get drunk and behave like imbeciles and there are boys that collect with the sincere goal of raising money for their yeshivos (or whatever organization)


Last edited by thunderstorm on Mon, Mar 25 2019, 10:46 am; edited 1 time in total
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thunderstorm




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Mar 25 2019, 10:45 am
Chayalle wrote:
DD told me her coworker's husband took a young relative to the emergency room on Purim due to drinking, and the place was full of young Jewish boys.

It's ridiculous. Time our Rabbanim came out and did something about this.

My brother is the medic on call in one of the very busy neighborhoods in Brooklyn. Purim is one of Hatzolahs busiest days because of the amount of people with alcohol poisoning especially in children.
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