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amother
Black


 

Post Wed, Mar 27 2019, 7:30 pm
I have a few kids and the youngest is a new baby. Sometimes I feel like I simply cannot handle it all. Some days I serve sandwiches for dinner, sometimes I purposely forget to brush their teeth and say krias shma with them because I just need them to go to bed before I crack. Sometimes I keep pushing off baths until I realize it’s been way too long.
On the days that I cook nice homemade food and make sure that everything stays neat, laundry folded, I don’t have the energy to talk to my kids beyond technicalities. Quality time, bedtime stories, preparing healthy snacks, well visits at the doctor, homework. There is so much for us moms to do! And I simply cannot do it all perfectly.
So where do you think corners can be cut? Or rather, which of the above should take priority? Which will matter the most? I need to better my parenting and have to do it one step at a time. What do you think is the most important to start with?
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ectomorph




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 27 2019, 7:33 pm
Cut the fancy dinners and housekeeping. That stuff is temporary.

You have q new baby. It takes 6 months to adjust. The time will pass and sandwiches for dinner will become a memory.
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amother
Black


 

Post Wed, Mar 27 2019, 7:38 pm
I am not only specifically asking about the above list. In general, what will make the biggest difference in my children’s lives? Should I stop using my phone while nursing or when kids are up? If my baby is crying but my older kids need me, who do I take care of first? Is bathing older kids or listening to their stories more important? Or is holding the baby?
I just want to be a good mom but there’s so many demands.
What are the most parts of parenting that have the most impact?
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amother
Babypink


 

Post Wed, Mar 27 2019, 7:41 pm
No you cannot do it all. I know this is taboo, but it's time for BC.
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ectomorph




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 27 2019, 7:45 pm
amother wrote:
I am not only specifically asking about the above list. In general, what will make the biggest difference in my children’s lives? Should I stop using my phone while nursing or when kids are up? If my baby is crying but my older kids need me, who do I take care of first? Is bathing older kids or listening to their stories more important? Or is holding the baby?
I just want to be a good mom but there’s so many demands.
What are the most parts of parenting that have the most impact?


Every family is different. Every day is different. There is no easy answer.

I have several littles and know well the feeling you describe.

Sometimes I need the stimulation of being on my phone not to go crazy. Sometimes my toddlers need me. Sometimes my baby needs me. Sometimes I just feel awful and give them videos. Sometimes we eat sandwiches for dinner. Sometimes I forget an appointment or to follow up something.

It's ok. I'm human. I'm imperfect. I'm doing my best.

Us mothers are very good at self criticism and not half as good at looking at what a wonderful job we're doing. Your kids are fed, clean, and clothed. They are happy. You are doing great
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amother
Cerise


 

Post Wed, Mar 27 2019, 7:50 pm
Yes, put away your phone when the kids are around, this is basic common sense.
Eat 3 healthy meals a day and keep hydrated, makes a huge difference.
Take a multivitamin.
Get enough sleep if possible.
If baby is crying but baby is not hungry or needs to be changed, let the baby cry for afew moments while you tend to the older kids.
Sandwiches for supper are ok!
Get cleaning help if possible.
Give the older kids age appropriate chores.
Kids can brush teeth & say shema by themselves.
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amother
Khaki


 

Post Wed, Mar 27 2019, 7:53 pm
amother wrote:
I am not only specifically asking about the above list. In general, what will make the biggest difference in my children’s lives? Should I stop using my phone while nursing or when kids are up? If my baby is crying but my older kids need me, who do I take care of first? Is bathing older kids or listening to their stories more important? Or is holding the baby?
I just want to be a good mom but there’s so many demands.
What are the most parts of parenting that have the most impact?


First of all, if you don't have to do it all yourself, don't. Your dh may not be home during the evening rush, but you can save laundry for him to fold, dishes for him to wash, and the next days salad for him to cut up when he gets home at whatever time.

How much can you consolidate? Can you hold the baby while the kids soak in the tub and shmooze with you? My very young ones even eat (non messy food) in the bath.

If you can put your phone aside during the hours your kids are home and awake, I think it would help you feel less scattered.

Kids do need adequate nutrition. Sandwiches often are adequate nutrition for a meal, depending what they're eating the rest of the day. Pretzels are unfortunately not. Kids need clean clothing and sheets to sleep on, but it can come straight from the dryer or the laundry basket, no reason it has to come folded neatly out of a drawer. Kids need to be washed fairly often, but they don't usually need their hair shampooed daily. So a soak in the tub and a quick rub with soap is fine. Even easier is two kids in the shower at the same time, while you sit in the room and feed or rock the baby.

Most of all, kids need mommy to smile and talk in a pleasant tone, to give hugs and kisses and make eye contact and respond to their comments. So if you need to drop any of the above here and there in order to have the capacity to do the most of all things, that's your way of prioritizing.
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amother
Cerise


 

Post Wed, Mar 27 2019, 7:58 pm
I saw a quote the other day "kids need a happy mom, not a perfect mom". We need to take some pressure off ourselves.
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amother
Black


 

Post Wed, Mar 27 2019, 8:03 pm
amother wrote:
I saw a quote the other day "kids need a happy mom, not a perfect mom". We need to take some pressure off ourselves.


Sometimes I get so overwhelmed that I start tearing up in front of them and have to run to the bathroom to cry it out.
But I feel like the worst mother ever when my toddler says, “Mommy, don’t cry.”
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ectomorph




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 27 2019, 8:35 pm
amother wrote:
Sometimes I get so overwhelmed that I start tearing up in front of them and have to run to the bathroom to cry it out.
But I feel like the worst mother ever when my toddler says, “Mommy, don’t cry.”

I feel like that when I start yelling. For me thats a sign that I need to disengage and take a break and do some self care
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amother
Khaki


 

Post Wed, Mar 27 2019, 9:08 pm
amother wrote:
Sometimes I get so overwhelmed that I start tearing up in front of them and have to run to the bathroom to cry it out.
But I feel like the worst mother ever when my toddler says, “Mommy, don’t cry.”


I think you need to seriously consider how to reduce your workload so you're less overwhelmed. Where is your dh? What does he contribute in terms of childcare and housekeeping? Do you have any paid help? Do you have family around who can assist?
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honeymoon




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 27 2019, 9:28 pm
We as mothers juggles many balls. Rubber balls, wooden balls, silver, gold, ceramic and glass balls. Sometimes we can't do it all and need to drop some balls. But good care has to be taken that the balls we drop are the rubber balls which bounce back fairly quickly versus the glass balls which will stay in smithereens on the floor.

Dishes don't run away, sandwiches are filling and semi-nutritious, clothing wears just fine coming from a laundry basket, toys on the floor are a sign of healthy children and yellow silver looks like gold! Very Happy

But a child needs a smile, a hug, eye contact, physical affection, a listening ear, a warm bath, a satisfied tummy, a good night's sleep and a sense of feeling loved among other important things. These crystal balls are too fragile to be dropped.

It's not easy but oh so worthwhile. Your children will thank you.
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amother
Ruby


 

Post Thu, Mar 28 2019, 4:14 am
amother wrote:
No you cannot do it all. I know this is taboo, but it's time for BC.

This is brilliant because BC makes healing after a baby easier. Also it gives you superhuman powers and you can bathe your children, make 5-course meals, and fold your laundry all in 5 minutes with zero exhaustion.
It basically makes you Mary poppins.
/sarcasm

I'm all for bc but seriously it does not cure every stressful situation
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2gether




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 28 2019, 4:16 am
amother wrote:
Sometimes I get so overwhelmed that I start tearing up in front of them and have to run to the bathroom to cry it out.
But I feel like the worst mother ever when my toddler says, “Mommy, don’t cry.”

ppd?
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amother
Tangerine


 

Post Thu, Mar 28 2019, 6:30 am
How old are your kids? What times are they home and when is bedtime? What does your daily schedule look like now?
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 28 2019, 6:30 am
honeymoon wrote:
We as mothers juggles many balls. Rubber balls, wooden balls, silver, gold, ceramic and glass balls. Sometimes we can't do it all and need to drop some balls. But good care has to be taken that the balls we drop are the rubber balls which bounce back fairly quickly versus the glass balls which will stay in smithereens on the floor.

Dishes don't run away, sandwiches are filling and semi-nutritious, clothing wears just fine coming from a laundry basket, toys on the floor are a sign of healthy children and yellow silver looks like gold! Very Happy

But a child needs a smile, a hug, eye contact, physical affection, a listening ear, a warm bath, a satisfied tummy, a good night's sleep and a sense of feeling loved among other important things. These crystal balls are too fragile to be dropped.

It's not easy but oh so worthwhile. Your children will thank you.


This is poetic, beautiful, and brilliant advice. A true diamond ball of a post.
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cozyblanket




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 28 2019, 7:26 am
honeymoon wrote:
We as mothers juggles many balls. Rubber balls, wooden balls, silver, gold, ceramic and glass balls. Sometimes we can't do it all and need to drop some balls. But good care has to be taken that the balls we drop are the rubber balls which bounce back fairly quickly versus the glass balls which will stay in smithereens on the floor.

Dishes don't run away, sandwiches are filling and semi-nutritious, clothing wears just fine coming from a laundry basket, toys on the floor are a sign of healthy children and yellow silver looks like gold! Very Happy

But a child needs a smile, a hug, eye contact, physical affection, a listening ear, a warm bath, a satisfied tummy, a good night's sleep and a sense of feeling loved among other important things. These crystal balls are too fragile to be dropped.

It's not easy but oh so worthwhile. Your children will thank you.


Another endorsement for this post.

Hold your baby and talk to your children. Then have sandwiches on paperplates.
Tell your husband how hard it is.

Is he home at all to help in the evening?
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amother
Cerise


 

Post Thu, Mar 28 2019, 7:53 am
The crying part makes me think you might have PPD. How old are your other kids? How close in age are they? Did you ever have a break?
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studying_torah




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 28 2019, 8:39 am
Please OP, invest or borrow a baby carrier or swing. This way your hands will be freer, your baby in a safe place while you tend to the other kids
Sometimes the kids have to wait a few minutes, sometimes the baby does.
It's ok if a baby cries a few minutes- as long as their needs were met.
It's ok to give the kids a sandwich & put on music or a book on tape while the baby is in a swing and u sit and breathe a few minutes.

Please make sure to feed yourself too!
And it's ok to ask for help if you can from your husband, family, friends or neighbors with older kids. Even a few years older child can read to or play w toddlers while you nurse.
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behappy2




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 28 2019, 9:20 am
I really relate to your post.. I had a vey hard time with my baby when she was little and my life basically came apart. Looking back I probably should have sent her to a babysitter from 9 to 5 for the first year of her life. Everyones life is different and we all need to do differemt things to be able to cope well. Trying to do it perfectly must be adding a lot of unnecessary stress!

The order of priorities here is YOU! Make sure you eat, sleep and shower. Get as much hep as you can. When my baby was little I didn't bathe her sometimes for a few weeks in a row,. She wasn't a sweaty kid and wasn't getting very dirty yet.

If you want chizuk and support fell free to pm me.

Remember the story of the egg? The mother went to her room to eat the one available egg. The kids asked her what she is doing. She said I'm making you a mother. More than anything else your kids need a mother.

Mazel Tov!
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