Have to travel for wedding- still give gift

amother

Tan

Sun, Mar 31 2019, 9:13 pm

My nephew is getting married. The wedding is in Israel and we are in USA. We can not afford for our whole family to go, so its just me representing. Is there an expectation to give a gift as well. I feel bad not giving one, but finances are tight, although most people would assume we have the money- we unfortunately don't.... I am feeling weird saying something to my brother, but feel guilty not giving my nephew a gift of substance and of course its not like they have a registry to make it easy to pick from and they could use money, but like I said we don't have the money for a gift.
In short do we people still give a gift if the are spending money on travel?

sub

Sun, Mar 31 2019, 10:09 pm

Can you chip in with others who are going? We often have this in our family. One couple received a luggage set another a beautiful cutlery set. For another we chipped in for sheva brachos. If not, then consider the fact that you are spending hundreds of dollars on a ticket and using your vacation time from work as your gift. I always appreciate when family comes and don’t expect a gift knowing how much effort and money goes into such a trip.

cozyblanket

Mon, Apr 01 2019, 12:13 am

What about a $30 washing cup? It counts as a (modest) gift. I think they will understand not doing more as you paid for a flight.

amother

Mint

Mon, Apr 01 2019, 12:20 am

Yes, I think it's expected to give a gift even if you incurred significant expenses to join the simcha. As mentioned above, it's often easier to chip in $50 for a larger family gift, or simply buy something useful you know they'll need. I understand not wanting to give a large check.

mochamix18

Mon, Apr 01 2019, 2:28 am

There are a lot of beautiful inexpensive items once you get here (some one mentioned a hand washing cup, or challah cover, mezuzah etc.). It’s true there are no registeries in Israel and the ettiquette is often a monetary gift to cover the cost of your plate (yes Americans including myself when I first heard this find this crass). Usually it’s in the range of $30-$50 American dollars roughly. At the end of the day do what is best for you.

amother

Tan

Mon, Apr 01 2019, 11:02 pm

Very few others are traveling in, most I spoke to are giving checks...
Thanks for all the advice.

amother

Rose

Tue, Apr 02 2019, 3:24 am

mochamix18 wrote:

Just FYI, there are a number of registries in Israel, though as you say, the culture is to "cover your plate." But when I make a simcha, I don't expect anyone who traveled far to give a gift.

mochamix18

Tue, Apr 02 2019, 5:03 am

amother wrote:

Just FYI, there are a number of registries in Israel, though as you say, the culture is to "cover your plate." But when I make a simcha, I don't expect anyone who traveled far to give a gift.

That’s nice to know. Most people I know (ranging from secular to hareidi and everything in between) don’t register and I’ve asked in many stores and they didn’t know what we were talking about so I assumed there were none.

amother

Rose

Tue, Apr 02 2019, 5:09 am

mochamix18 wrote:

There's a thread here listing some. It might be worth looking into.
I've bought gifts through labayit com and intira. I think Nechmad and Golf also have.

ETA, I think the reason there's no culture of gift registries is that the post office doesn't deliver parcels to your door. So it's kind of an imposition to ship a gift and make someone go to the post office.