Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)
My kid picks the worst friends



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Sun, Apr 07 2019, 4:50 pm
My son is in third grade. He has autism, and the very poor social skills that come along with that. He is very spacey and very inside himself. He's not at all aggressive or hyperactive. But those are exactly the kids he gravitates towards! The boys he ends up befriending are total nightmares. After the first time, I end up making excuses why I can't have them over. I feel so bad, because he has such a hard time making friends and I should be encouraging friendships, but I just can't handle the kids he wants to be friends with!
Back to top

FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 07 2019, 5:22 pm
Is he getting help in social skills? Can his teachers steer him into friendships with kids who are more gentle?

I wonder if DS is sensory seeking, and enjoys the rough and loud play of the other boys.
Back to top

amother
Vermilion


 

Post Sun, Apr 07 2019, 5:26 pm
Plz consider that kids can be cruel and mean. An autistic child with poor social skills isn't able to make friends with most of the class. The pool he has to pick from is small and often includes kids with various problems.
Back to top

amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Sun, Apr 07 2019, 7:46 pm
He gets lots of therapies and we're always working on the social skills. Bh everyone is nice to him, he's never been bullied or treated badly, he just doesn't have kids flocking to play with him either. I don't expect him to ever be cool or popular, it wouldn't bother me if all his friends were weird or whatever. I just don't want him getting attached to the wild ones.
Back to top

amother
Plum


 

Post Sun, Apr 07 2019, 8:09 pm
amother wrote:
My son is in third grade. He has autism, and the very poor social skills that come along with that. He is very spacey and very inside himself. He's not at all aggressive or hyperactive. But those are exactly the kids he gravitates towards! The boys he ends up befriending are total nightmares. After the first time, I end up making excuses why I can't have them over. I feel so bad, because he has such a hard time making friends and I should be encouraging friendships, but I just can't handle the kids he wants to be friends with!


Can he go to their houses?
Back to top

seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 07 2019, 8:15 pm
Is anyone at school able to help steer him toward better matches? Sometimes having kids sit together or partners for projects can get things going.
Back to top

amother
cornflower


 

Post Sun, Apr 07 2019, 11:24 pm
Except that they are loud and wild what's wrong with them? Are they mean to him or others? Are they damaging property and making holes in the walls? Or are they just to much for you to handle at home but your son enjoys their company?
Back to top

seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 08 2019, 12:03 am
Kids with ASD need better-than-average social role models in order to bring out their best. "Wild" kids can be sweet at heart and have a lot of great qualities, but are less likely to provide the kind of model that most ASD kids can gain from. In fact I think ASD kids might be attracted to these types because they may have simpler social expectations (less talk, more running around) - but that's just a floating theory.
Back to top

seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 08 2019, 1:39 am
Also, the kid with ASD generally tends to miss cues and boundaries. So very often what we see is a group of kids horsing around, and the "naturally wild" ones know when to stop but the ASD kid keeps going and ends up getting in trouble.
Back to top

Aylat




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 08 2019, 1:41 am
Sometimes opposites attract. My wild hyperactive boy's best friends are the quiet, calm teacher's pet types.
Back to top

aricelli




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 08 2019, 7:21 am
Aylat wrote:
Sometimes opposites attract. My wild hyperactive boy's best friends are the quiet, calm teacher's pet types.

I was thinking the same! My son gravitates toward the calm well regulated children. I guess theyre getting something out of the relationship as well- maybe they need his spunk and joy and aliveness. It seems to work
Back to top

amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Mon, Apr 08 2019, 7:26 am
amother wrote:
He gets lots of therapies and we're always working on the social skills. Bh everyone is nice to him, he's never been bullied or treated badly, he just doesn't have kids flocking to play with him either. I don't expect him to ever be cool or popular, it wouldn't bother me if all his friends were weird or whatever. I just don't want him getting attached to the wild ones.


To be frank: tough! Your son is happy with these friends. You say they don’t bully him. Be thankful your son has nice friends. Also, maybe your son sees a lot more to them than the label “wild” that you have given them. Just like your son is not just a label. Let him enjoy his friends. Make/enforce rules about what can and can’t be done at your house. If they disrespect those boundaries, chat politely to the parents. Maybe the other kids will be less “wild” when they have more opportunities to play with their friends vs shunned from houses.
Back to top

amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Mon, Apr 08 2019, 8:27 am
I do send him to their homes at this point. Unfortunately, I've had a number of instances in my home where these kids caused damage to my stuff or physically hurt my younger children, so I can't have them over anymore. I do give the parents the benefit of the doubt--after all, I certainly know what it's like to have a kid with issues, and I assume these boys have something going on and that their parents are doing their best. I guess it is a bit of an opposites attract thing going on. Still, it's a tough balance. I really can't have them over, but if my son keeps going to them, eventually I will run out of excuses for not reciprocating.
Back to top

Zehava




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 08 2019, 9:01 am
For starters Children are not nightmares. Many of us on here have beautiful, smart, good hearted children who are hyperactive.
Back to top

amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Mon, Apr 08 2019, 9:21 am
amother wrote:
I do send him to their homes at this point. Unfortunately, I've had a number of instances in my home where these kids caused damage to my stuff or physically hurt my younger children, so I can't have them over anymore. I do give the parents the benefit of the doubt--after all, I certainly know what it's like to have a kid with issues, and I assume these boys have something going on and that their parents are doing their best. I guess it is a bit of an opposites attract thing going on. Still, it's a tough balance. I really can't have them over, but if my son keeps going to them, eventually I will run out of excuses for not reciprocating.


Why don’t you tell the parents that their kids can come over if they (a) don’t hurt your other kids and (b) don’t damage your stuff. Why not try again? If they break either of these two rules then your son, the parents and kids involved will know exactly why you can’t reciprocate vs you making excuses.
Back to top

rgr




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 08 2019, 9:30 am
Now that the weathers nice can you try an outdoor play date?
Back to top

FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 08 2019, 12:01 pm
OP, am I correct in assuming that you live someplace that doesn't have a yard?

If not, take them to the park. If the more active kids burn off some of their energy, they might be settled enough to spend some time indoors afterward, enjoying pizza or something.
Back to top
Page 1 of 1 Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Friends and Seminary Information!
by amother
4 Mon, Mar 25 2024, 5:38 pm View last post
Brooklyn cheaper makeup artist for friends wedd
by amother
1 Mon, Mar 25 2024, 9:36 am View last post
When one kid ruins the whole tone of the class
by amother
24 Wed, Mar 20 2024, 11:30 pm View last post
Chambray kid outlet Monsey
by amother
4 Sun, Mar 17 2024, 8:06 pm View last post
[ Poll ] Family /Friends who dont have text messaging 52 Tue, Mar 12 2024, 3:04 pm View last post