My DD's friends | Imamother

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

My DD's friends

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amother

Jetblack

Sun, Apr 07 2019, 11:19 pm

She is 10 yrs old and all the girls in our neighbhorhood are friends or frienemies. It's a relatively small place we are in. Often times my DD will set up an impromptu play-date when she sees a friend at shul and by the end of shul the friend decides to go to someone else's house because that someone else showed up and invited my DD's friend over to her house later. For some reason, my DD does not also get an invitation. My DD feels like trash literally. This has happened more than a few times.

I will usually get asked by my DD if it's okay that she invite so and so over in the afternoon for which I usually agree. But when I see her moping or crying later, I know exactly what has happened.

Makes me so mad.

amother

Aquamarine

Sun, Apr 07 2019, 11:45 pm

I'm sorry, that sounds terribly painful. Is this a general community wide problem or is it specific to your neighborhood? Does your dd have school friends who live close enough to walk over and you can formally arrange it before shabbos? If this happens in school too the school should be implementing a program to teach the girls better.

amother

Wheat

Sun, Apr 07 2019, 11:45 pm

My DD is eleven.

We live on a street with hundreds of kids.

Same. Exact. Situation.

The kids need to be really tough to deal with it- the politics, the secrets, the petty nastiness.

A kid like mine, who is soft and vulnerable, ends up suffering.

amother

Aubergine

Mon, Apr 08 2019, 12:57 pm

I had something similar but worse when I was growing. I had a classmate/friend across the street. I would invite a friend, from the other side of town, to spend Shabbos in my house. At some point Shabbos afternoon, the girl across the street would join us, and somehow convince my Shabbos guest to come back to her house (without me). It was very hurtful. But unfortunately there we nothing to be done.

amother

Jetblack

Mon, Apr 08 2019, 9:25 pm

One of the excuses my DD get's by her "friends" is "I don't want to hurt so and so's feelings". What a slap in the face.

amother

Tan

Mon, Apr 08 2019, 10:51 pm

This is what happens when parents don’t teach rules of behavior. The rule is—are you listening, ladies? It applies to you, too—an invitation, once accepted, is a commitment not to be broken for anything short of a medical emergency or death in the family G-d forbid. Not because you got a more appealing invitation later, not because you only accepted Chani’s invite because you thought Shani was mad at you but she really just overslept and now she invited you after all, not because you really like Shani’s sister or mother or brother or iguana and this is a chance to see her/him/it.

Teach your kids to say, I’m sorry, I already made other plans, but I’ll be happy to come tomorrow, or next week.

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