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When is being machmir too far? Can it?
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amother




OP


Post  Sun, Apr 14 2019, 9:49 am
My dh and I were talking about what needs a hechsher for pesach and what doesn't. He brought up the idea of toilet paper having a hechsher. He then said Korachs disciples wore a few tzitzis to be stricter on the mitzvah and that was wrong. Is it possible to go too far with being machmir? And how so?
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mommy3b2c




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Apr 14 2019, 9:50 am
I’m pretty sure there’s a concept of not adding to the Torah. I personally think a lot of chumros are way to far.
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amother




Lemon


Post  Sun, Apr 14 2019, 9:50 am
I shall hope you don't eat toilet paper or put food on it. It does not require an hechsher. That's not machmir, that's OCD crazy.
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amother




Goldenrod


Post  Sun, Apr 14 2019, 9:51 am
I don't know the source, I can try to find out but I know that about Pesach specifically it's said that it's praiseworthy to be extra machmir.
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amother




Lemon


Post  Sun, Apr 14 2019, 9:54 am
Goldenron, its nice to be machmir with what you take into your mouth. Not with what you wipe your nose or behind.....
To me it's the same as only sitting on a chair with a hechsher, or only wearing clothes with a hechsher, or only using towles with a hechsher. Its absurd.
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amother




Tan


Post  Sun, Apr 14 2019, 9:55 am
My friend denies her son his asthma medicine during Pesach!! I suffer from asthma and find this unbelievably cruel. This poor kid suffers for a week.

Anonymous because I tried to talk her out of this IRL.
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amother




Lemon


Post  Sun, Apr 14 2019, 9:57 am
Oy amother tan, that is so cruel! And probably assur too. Oy, poor child. DD has asthma, I don't even wanna think about what she'll go through if we deny her meds, torture.
Oy, people are crazy.
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amother




Burgundy


Post  Sun, Apr 14 2019, 10:00 am
Yes, there are very real sources discussing when a person is allowed to take on a chumra. Spoiler alert: it's not a free for all, and you should NOT do it without understanding the parameters.
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amother




Slategray


Post  Sun, Apr 14 2019, 10:15 am
Go easy with chumras and dont take on extra at expense of your family. Pesach for me will forever be associated with bad memories
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ectomorph




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Apr 14 2019, 10:17 am
amother [ Tan ] wrote:
My friend denies her son his asthma medicine during Pesach!! I suffer from asthma and find this unbelievably cruel. This poor kid suffers for a week.

Anonymous because I tried to talk her out of this IRL.

Im sure she never asked a Rav- that's idiotic. Especially if he suffers.

She is probably abusive in other ways as well. Poor kid.
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amother




Bisque


Post  Sun, Apr 14 2019, 10:27 am
We all the time here storys about unbelievable nissim that happan to people that are machmir. Cutting a sheital even shorter even though it was already kasher is an example. I don't think we can make jokes about hakodosh baruch hus cheshbon with the unbelievable schar we can get for overcoming our yetzer hara.
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amother




Slategray


Post  Sun, Apr 14 2019, 10:29 am
amother [ Bisque ] wrote:
We all the time here storys about unbelievable nissim that happan to people that are machmir. Cutting a sheital even shorter even though it was already kasher is an example. I don't think we can make jokes about hakodosh baruch hus cheshbon with the unbelievable schar we can get for overcoming our yetzer hara.

I wasnt joking. Cutting a wig effects just you and dh. If youre both cool with that go ahead. Some things literally can damage a child
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renslet




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Apr 14 2019, 10:33 am
Rabbi Heller from Crown Heights gave a shiur about this, it's probably online it's about chumros.
Firstly there are things that are mesorah, you parents grandparents or community always did.
Secondly there are things that have mekoros, actual sources.
For all other chumros, he says to remember that there are actual mitzvos that are de'orysah that need to be kept.
Being up to tell the story of pesach
Ahavas yisroel
Sholom bayis etc
He also personally told a friend of mine that if her husband won't let her use disposable dishes then he has to be the one to wash and dry the dishes.
As with all things " tofasta meruba lo tofasta" If you are too strict, you will end up getting nothing.
A good personal Rav is always a great idea in these cases.


Last edited by renslet on Sun, Apr 14 2019, 10:34 am; edited 1 time in total
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amother




Burgundy


Post  Sun, Apr 14 2019, 10:33 am
amother [ Bisque ] wrote:
We all the time here storys about unbelievable nissim that happan to people that are machmir. Cutting a sheital even shorter even though it was already kasher is an example. I don't think we can make jokes about hakodosh baruch hus cheshbon with the unbelievable schar we can get for overcoming our yetzer hara.


It's very arrogant to claim that a neis happened because of something you did. Anyone who wants to take on a chumra should consult a Rav; same for anyone who wants to stop a certain chumra.
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amother




Slategray


Post  Sun, Apr 14 2019, 10:35 am
I guess also its the atmosphere that the chumras come along with. My childhood chumras came along with angst. I guess if you do it joyfully your children may come to appreciate them
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chmom




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Apr 14 2019, 10:36 am
amother [ Tan ] wrote:
My friend denies her son his asthma medicine during Pesach!! I suffer from asthma and find this unbelievably cruel. This poor kid suffers for a week.

Anonymous because I tried to talk her out of this IRL.


That is not being machmir , that is being stupid
I can’t believe someone would do that. Every year about 250000 people die of asthma worldwide. It’s not just a little bit of wheezing
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amother




Chartreuse


Post  Sun, Apr 14 2019, 10:39 am
I'm machmir on Pesach - My mitzvah matzah is Shmura Matzah.

Regarding medicine - Its not machmir to withhold medicine. There is no extra stringency there. Medicine is either "okay' or its not. and if its not - and you have a sick child - A rav compares 'requirement to not harm our children' vs 'medicine on pesach' and tell you which mitzvah trumps which.
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imasoftov




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Apr 14 2019, 10:42 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
... He then said Korachs disciples wore a few tzitzis to be stricter on the mitzvah and that was wrong.

I'm not aware of a source that says that. Rashi, on the first pasuk of Korach, says that Korach brought people to Moshe wearing talitot made entirely of techelet and asked if they needed tzitzit or not. In Midrash Tanchuma, Rashi's source, goes on to have Korach ask if a house full of sifrei Torah needs a mezuzah.

https://www.sefaria.org.il/Num.....p;lang2=he
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renslet




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Apr 14 2019, 10:43 am
amother [ Slategray ] wrote:
I guess also its the atmosphere that the chumras come along with. My childhood chumras came along with angst. I guess if you do it joyfully your children may come to appreciate them


Exactly my point, ve'samachta bechagecha is an actual mitzvah in the Torah, chumros can be great but not at the expense of simchas Yom tov.
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thunderstorm




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Apr 14 2019, 10:43 am
There's a story that my FIL told me (repeated from a shiur) that there was a Shabbos that a wife forgot to cook eggs to make "Ayer mit zviebel"- eggs and onions which is a minhag by people. He was furious with his wife and yelled and screamed at her asking her how she could forget such an important thing. The next time she forgot to cook eggs for Shabbos she realized Shabbos morning and panicked because she knew what her husband's reaction will be and she was dreading it. Out of pressure she went and cooked the eggs on Shabbos.
Moral of the story it's nice to be machmir as long as it's not on the cheshbon of others or that it doesn't take away from the actual Mitzvah at hand or Chas vshalom it doesn't lead to being oiver Halacha in any way. For example above . The chumrah of not allowing asthma medication is insane as it is over riding pekuach nefesh which takes precedent.
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