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I need chizuk - how on earth do people do this???
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Rappel




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Apr 14 2019, 3:40 pm
I'm toilet training my eldest, and Can't Believe It

I'm super-supportive, but in the back of my head, I can't help thinking "what on earth am I doing? I don't know how to do this!"

Give me chizzuk, please, ladies. We're one day in, and not a drop went into the toilet today. What should I expect?


Last edited by Rappel on Mon, Apr 15 2019, 8:32 am; edited 3 times in total
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youngishbear




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Apr 14 2019, 3:43 pm
Expect spills. Lots of them.

Celebrate every accomplishment.

Reassure the child that they can do it! I sing a little "you can do this" song every time I put my kid on the seat, and they feel so proud. It's important that this stage doesn't devolve into a power struggle. Make sure not to shame them for accidents.
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amother




Khaki


Post  Sun, Apr 14 2019, 5:47 pm
I never expect my kids to actually make in the toilet the first day. The have to make on the floor & be shown that "this belongs in the toilet." It takes time for them to realize what's happening. As the days go by, you can expect less and less accidents, but I like to give myself 5/6 weeks to be totally trained.
Good luck, it's very frustrating. But don't give up!!
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pizza4




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Apr 14 2019, 6:05 pm
This too shall pass.
When your child is trained you'll think to yourself, if I got through that I can do anything!
Mainly, stay calm.
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amother




Rose


Post  Sun, Apr 14 2019, 7:56 pm
He/she may not be ready ... When they are completely ready it happens really fast. Both my kids were trained in a couple days with one accident each.
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amother




Khaki


Post  Sun, Apr 14 2019, 8:02 pm
Amother rose, you cannot say on day one that a child is not ready!! They're not supposed to grasp it on day one.
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amother




Rose


Post  Sun, Apr 14 2019, 8:05 pm
amother [ Khaki ] wrote:
Amother rose, you cannot say on day one that a child is not ready!! They're not supposed to grasp it on day one.


I only know how my kids trained. Both were fully day trained without accidents in one/two days and night trained within a week. (when I took off the diaper). They were so ready I just told them when they got up that they aren't wearing diapers anymore and took them to the bathroom every half hour. Bh my kids each had ONE wet accident and never ever had a dirty accident with them.

I am just putting it out there. There are different ways of training and I was saying mine. Op can ignore it. If it was my child I would personally wait.

ETA: I trained a later. Ds was 3.5 and DD was 3. My next son is 2.5 and I will probably do it close to three since he is showing signs now that he is getting ready.
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smss




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Apr 14 2019, 8:07 pm
Ahhh I hate toilet training. Hate it.

One thing I've learned is to keep it VERY POSITIVE. Like you would if you were teaching a kid how to ride a bike. You wouldn't get mad at them for falling, right? You would say, it's ok, you'll get this soon, we'll try again. In the same way try to be totally matter of fact and calm about accidents, don't get mad or be disgusted or put down your child. And be super super enthusiastic about successes.
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Rappel




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Apr 15 2019, 5:02 am
Well, we didn't grasp it on day 1. (Rose, your children sound wonderful and incredibly obliging. Just asking my son every 30 minutes made him resistant yesterday).

But today: HE POOPED IN THE TOILET!

I feel like singing.

We've missed a few pees, but the poop went into the toilet! Champagne for everyone!
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Rappel




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Apr 15 2019, 8:06 am
Day 2, almost done. I'm blown away by how much energy this is drawing from me.

When do you all ditch the night diaper? Do you wake up at night to bring your kids to the toilet? How often do they miss?
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nicole81




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Apr 15 2019, 8:23 am
Rappel wrote:
Day 2, almost done. I'm blown away by how much energy this is drawing from me.

When do you all ditch the night diaper? Do you wake up at night to bring your kids to the toilet? How often do they miss?


How old is your child? I echo amother rose's experience, and I wait a really long time to "train" my kids. My first one was the only one that I started too early (based on my mom's and mils input), and it took forever so I waited with the others until they were solidly over 3, and almost 4 in my step dds case.

Anyway, it sounds like you're making great progress.
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amother




Coral


Post  Mon, Apr 15 2019, 8:27 am
Sounds like you're almost done with day time. Rose is right that if it's not happening within a few days, the kid probably isn't ready, but it sounds like you're making progress, so it should be over soon. My kids all trained late (think around 3.5) but it was literally three-four days and then it was over, no more accidents. If it becomes a long, drawn out process, that means you started too early.

Night is a totally different ball game. It's considered normal to not be able to make it through the night until age 7. That doesn't mean it WILL take that long--most will get there long before then, and some will night train at the same time that they day train, but bedwetting is not considered a problem that needs addressing before 7. Also, there isn't much you can do to help night training along, a child is either capable or not. Focus on day time for now. If he's waking up with a dry or almost dry diaper, then try going a few nights without it, but if he's waking up with a full load of pee, it's not worth trying at this stage.
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bamba




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Apr 15 2019, 8:30 am
I’m with rose.
I trained my son when he was 3.5.
Took about a day.
But seems like you’re making progress so good for you!
Night time still haven’t done yet. They say when they wake up dry after a few nights then they could be ready for night training.
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PinkFridge




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Apr 15 2019, 8:33 am
I'm not going to give you chizuk on toilet training. We had all sorts of permutations, from the child who decided she was ready at 25 months and was suddenly trained, to the one who had stayed in a pre nursery program an extra year because s/he wasn't ready even though s/he was enrolled in the regular school.

But I sense there is subtext and that is, if this is so hard, and I'm getting stuck now, how am I going to do anything going forward? My answer to that is, don't worry. You will get there. Training isn't trivial. It is a big accomplishment, for the child and facilitators. Going forward you will build on this - regardless of whether it takes a matter of weeks or months, you will have done it! Congratulations! - and will find yourself with the energy and chochma you need for the future challenges, the big and little ones.

Hatzlacha!
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Apr 15 2019, 8:37 am
Number one rule of toilet training: Do not compare your kid against other kids! Not even siblings. Everyone's body works in it's own way.

Some kids train super early. Some, especially boys, won't be trained reliably until they are 4 to 6 years old. Some wet the bed well into their teen years. A lot of it is genetic.

My advice is to take a deep breath, and realize that it will happen when it happens. You can't rush when they aren't ready. As my mom always said "He won't go under the chuppah in diapers." Smile
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Rappel




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Apr 15 2019, 8:39 am
Thank you for your support, dear ladies!

Okay, so nighttime is off the table right now. Thank you, everyone who weighed in!

DS is nearly 3, and very excited about the idea of being "just like Abba." He is interested in the toilet, but now that we're actually toilet training, he's very unsure about leaving the diaper.

I'll give it a week. If he's not mostly going in the toilet by then, then I'm calling this off until later.
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amother




Pearl


Post  Mon, Apr 15 2019, 9:32 am
Oh oh OP! toilet training is harder than teenage years!!
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amother




Ivory


Post  Mon, Apr 15 2019, 9:46 am
Oy, I'm commiserating with you.I trained my three year old a few months ago and he was really easy. Past two weeks he's had tons of accidents, poop, pee, in school, shul and at home. I'm at my wit's end. I'm due in two weeks and I really wanted him trained before I give birth.
Night, we take him twice, 9pm and 11pm and then he's dry. I probably shouldn't have taken off the diaper at night but he was doing so well. Now I think it will be too confusing to put back on
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amother




Aqua


Post  Mon, Apr 15 2019, 10:25 am
amother [ Pearl ] wrote:
Oh oh OP! toilet training is harder than teenage years!!


You think? I sure hope becuase mine gave me a mini breakdown when I trained her.

Rappel, every child is different.
With my oldest, who was extremely tall and very mature (think, really filling up 4T clothing at 24 months!) Was toilet trained past 3.
I was DESPARATE because I already had another one by the time she was 21 months.
And she had already aged out of any local non-toilet trained playgroup by the a few months.....
Also, becuase she was big I got so many comments and looks. It was embarrassing. And it put pressure on me. Nowadays I'm more confident in my choices. I wish I was then too. I do carry some guilt that I pushed her into it when she wasn't really ready.
She'll be 6 soon, she's toilet trained all right. I just wish I wasn't so pressured, for her and for myslef. She is a little low muscle tone and night training is not even something I'm thinking about yet.

Her sister on the other hand, was about 2.5 when she decided she wants to make in the toilet. No potty. No seat. Straight onto the toilet. Contrary to her sister she was a TINY kid. She'd jump and wiggle her little bottom onto the toilet. Heaven have mercy if I would even THINK of offering help. Lol.
Day trained and night trained same time. Not a single nighttime accident.
But just as she could control herself to go in the toilet, she also could control herself and "go" in different places.
She'd sit onto a toy pot on the couch over a carpet and pee in there and then "cook" it.
So we had couch, carpet and toy stinky.
The cleaning lady Could. Not. Believe. It.
It was insane. Then the older one followed.
We had pee parties all the time.

Then one day, after a few weeks of this, I just couldn't take it anymore I broke down. I hid in the bathroom, dh came home Friday afternoon and found me bawling my eyes out in the bathroom. And the kids standing outside the door terrified.
It still took a while but bh they don't do it anymore.
Then a sweet Lady told me this is child's play next to teenaged years
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Rappel




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Apr 16 2019, 5:07 am
Aqua, I’m dying LOL I’m Sorry that it was so stressful, but it’s very funny after the fact!

Update:

Day 3, deep breaths.

He’s learned he can laze on the toilet with a book, and that helps keep him on.

After I put him down to nap, I heard him get up, and then he came to me for a wipe. I haven’t found a mess yet, so maybe he pooped in the toilet on his own??? :O I’m afraid to hope.
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