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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Pesach
Is your Seder REALLY beautiful?
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Apr 17 2019, 1:23 am
I always dreamt of my Seder. The singing, the endless Dvar Torah by dh, the children spell bound by fathers storytelling, the guests, the curious questions of the sweet little boys. Dancing around the table with sacks on their back......
Yeah right
Dream over.
How's your Seder?
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amother
Orchid


 

Post Wed, Apr 17 2019, 1:43 am
Actually, we did have the kind of seders you describe back when we were BTs 30 years ago. Now, that the kids are gone we just prefer a hotel....lol
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groisamomma




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 17 2019, 1:49 am
My kids are at that age where they all participate and they can contribute to the divrei Torah. They were devastated when we told them that we're eating out for one seder this year. They look forward to it all year! Dd and I set the seder table Sunday night already and they were all so excited. We purposefully don't invite guests so everyone can sing and Dh can give them attention. It really is beautiful, especially the singing until late into the night. (Meals here are nothing special, sorry!)
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amother
Hotpink


 

Post Wed, Apr 17 2019, 4:29 am
Sure it's beautiful. The little grandchildren run around in circles messing up the house I cleaned so thoroughly, our parents slip in and out of lucidity, and I look around the room at four generations telling the story of yetzias mitzrayim and my eyes fill with tears of joy.
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flmommy




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 17 2019, 6:42 am
No, I wish. Someone usually cries, kids don’t want to participate and parents are grumpy from all the hard work.
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happyone




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 17 2019, 6:44 am
Yes. Our own definition of beautiful. The table is elegantly set. I dont take for granted that both my husband and myself can lead and prepare a seder. Im grateful we can host some. I have apppreciation to G-d for the children He granted me, and that they are all with us. (bickering snd noise and chutzpa aside Smile ) I have no expectations of some fairy tale seder. Whatever ours turns out to be is beautiful and hopefully creates really nice memories for the children.
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thunderstorm




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 17 2019, 7:11 am
That's the type of Seder my father made and I have never seen anyone duplicate it. He still makes a beautiful Seder even though he's single and not really frum. The Chabad rabbi of his shul asks him every year to host people and he usually runs a Seder for around 40 people all by himself (including the cooking part before).
My DH is shy and won't sing in front of others and my kids too. It's a very different experience but it's still beautiful in a different kind of nachasdig way.
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TranquilityAndPeace




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 17 2019, 7:16 am
The stress-free Pesach Seder: https://www.theyeshiva.net/jewish/4183

He describes grape juice spilling and kids fighting and the charoses hitting the fan!!!😂

Basically, there's no such thing as the perfect Seder or person. We serve Hashem from within the place that we are, with the bad habits and vices that we have, and that's exactly where we are supposed to be!
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amother
Purple


 

Post Wed, Apr 17 2019, 7:23 am
My seder this year is just me and my husband. Our 2yo will be sleeping before we start! It will be so beautiful. I'm psyched. I barely see the guy (he has a very very very busy schedule), and I am so excited to just relax with him and spend time with him. Different dream! Still beautiful:)
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Aylat




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 17 2019, 7:24 am
Beautiful comes in all shapes and sizes.
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 17 2019, 9:00 am
I mentioned this shiur on another thread. It's from TorahAnytime, search for Esther Reisman, and it's the recent seder one.
Rebbetzin Reisman had some beautiful divrei Torah, really wonderful things to think about at different places in the seder. But the best line was that after her first married seder she asked her husband what she was supposed to feel. I gather that she was expecting it to be a pretty transcendent experience. Her husband said, You feel that you got to fill the mitzvos of the evening halachically.

(PF here) That's no small potatoes. People joke that Litvaks say, Simcha gedola l'hyos b'mitzvah but it's really true. We should allow and encourage ourselves to feel basic and pure simcha shel mitzvah. We did it! Hashem has graciously allowed us to live in a time where we can freely do it! Where we can have the basics on our table to do it properly!

This IS a thing of beauty.

Chag kasher v'sameach!
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 17 2019, 9:02 am
No one dance in the room here. It is beautiful because it is real and traditional
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MitzadSheini




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 17 2019, 9:15 am
Pink Fridge that was marvelous
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vicki




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 17 2019, 9:44 am
Our kids give over divrei torah.
My husband leads the seder.
The food is yummy and plentiful.
The house is/was relatively clean.
Someone will fall asleep in the middle. Perhaps me.
We're a free people in the country of our forefathers.
I think it's beautiful.
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Seashell




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 17 2019, 10:25 am
thunderstorm wrote:
That's the type of Seder my father made and I have never seen anyone duplicate it. He still makes a beautiful Seder even though he's single and not really frum. The Chabad rabbi of his shul asks him every year to host people and he usually runs a Seder for around 40 people all by himself (including the cooking part before).
My DH is shy and won't sing in front of others and my kids too. It's a very different experience but it's still beautiful in a different kind of nachasdig way.


If your DH & kids are shy and uncomfortable around others, maybe it’s worth it to have no guests for the Seder so they can be themselves?
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groovy1224




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 17 2019, 10:29 am
I'm sorry but endless dvar torahs and spellbound children just don't go together.

I think a HUGE part of having an enjoyable seder is being realistic about your expectations. We are big into what we call the 'Seder Without Tears' program. My husband says one or two thoughts on the hagaddah (3 minutes each), Big kids can pick one thing they learnt from school, and the rest of the time we spend trying to keep little ones engaged, but if they get bored and want to leave the table, we don't harp on it. There is no rule saying all divrei torah must be said during maggid, they can be shared the next day at the lunch seudah too.

I know that my kids must be fed BEFORE the seder. I know they will spill grape juice on their new pajamas and ask for extra charoses (during karpas lol) and probably even squabble over the afikomen. But I also know there will be lots of giggles, sweet little voices, and falling asleep at the table. Someone will be feeling shy and won't want to say the mah nishtanah, even though she's been practicing for week and bubby was so looking forward to hearing it. It's not the seder depicted on the hagaddah cover, with decanters and embroidered matzah covers, but it works for our family and I know the time will iyH come when my kids will be grown, the table will be set with REAL dishes, and there will be lots of time for divrei torah and adult discussion. And that I'll probably miss these days of sticky matzah crumbs and k'arahs made of plastic and construction paper terribly.
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amother
Tangerine


 

Post Wed, Apr 17 2019, 10:40 am
Our used to be nice and quick. Then the kids grew up and fighting is part of the deal.
One year I came up with a plan. I labeled a bag with each kids name and put it at their place. I purchased candy, marshmallows, chocolates.... For every dvar Torah or song (no one like to sing) they get a treat. My boys love making toasted Marshmallows and eating it with chocolate. They try to earn as much as possible.
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amother
Wheat


 

Post Wed, Apr 17 2019, 10:44 am
Something always goes wrong for me. This year I have an OTD child who probably won’t even come out of their room. I can already see the arguments. not ready or excited or happy or whatever emotion I’m supposed to feel for Yom Tov.
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keym




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 17 2019, 11:27 am
I really relate to groovy1224.
Our sedarim are beautiful. But nothing at all like the pictures.
We don't set the table until shulchan oreich- less of a chance something will get ruined.
I feed the kids before licht bentchen.
We give out chocolate, candy, and apple slices to keep then calm and entertained during the seder.
Our kids spend erev yt going through their Haggadahs with sticky notes. They each choose 3 things to say at each seder. The rest gets said during the rest of pesach.
We buy a new toy each year that the little ones play with right at the table so they could listen but not have to stay still.
We don't enforce "proper decorum" because the seder is for our kids.
Sing if you want, or dont.
Dance, don't dance.
One memorable seder, my 8 year old participated the entire seder standing next to his seat - that was fine.
We spend a lot of time planning seats, and trying to avoid problem stuff.

A few years ago, my husband found a list with the important mitzvahs and not. We review it every year. Matza, marror, 4 cups, telling the story, afikomen, hallel-all crucial for the mitzvah. Everything else is secondary.
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amother
Teal


 

Post Wed, Apr 17 2019, 1:21 pm
Our seders are so beautiful. B"H because after all the hard work that goes into making it happen it would be such a shame for it to be anything less.
For me and DH, both BTs, who were unable to have kids for the first few years of our marriage, I cannot tell you the joy we feel to be surrounded by our children singing and giving over so much Torah. So if a small kid gets restless and decided to go read a book on the couch for a while, or another kid changes into pajamas and goes to bed right after dinner, or somebody spills wine everywhere or my father starts kvetching that the seder is taking too long -- we really just don't care. The big picture is perfect.
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