Vegans invited themselves for Pesach... and we're chabad

Israeli_C

Wed, Apr 17 2019, 12:42 am

I've already posted about this vegan family before (especially after they invited themselves to my home after I had my twins and they're anti-vaxx) and now, they're coming to town again! The husband basically invited himself to our home for chag sheni. I'm in a tizzy because they're vegan and we're chabad, so apart from serving them a potato on a plate, I don't have a clue what to do for them.

And I don't even want the headache with all the things going on in my life at the moment :/

Cancel? Try to accommodate? What to do?

Rappel

Wed, Apr 17 2019, 1:03 am

Oof! That's a toughie!

I'm reading two different issues here:
1. You don't want to host them
2. You don't know how you would host them properly.

To answer each:
1. Just tell them you forgot you were invited to Itamar for chag sheni, and let me host you (I'm perfectly serious). We have several Chabad families here, including some Shneersons, and I'm sure you would feel welcome and happy here.
2. Share your concerns: tell them you're worried they won't be happy with the accommodations, because you'll be serving ABC, and anything else that's worrying you. See what they think about it.

Behatzlacha! You can do this, super momma!

Last edited by Rappel on Wed, Apr 17 2019, 1:07 am; edited 1 time in total

Rappel

Wed, Apr 17 2019, 1:06 am

goforit wrote:

Cancel 100% if they still didn't vax! Yes you have more than enough on your head besides the vax part.

I skimmed right over that part. I don't think baby twins and measles vectors mix. Crying

you didn't mention where your guests are coming from, but there is still an active outbreak here in Israel.

amother

Slategray

Wed, Apr 17 2019, 1:16 am

Cancel. This is a no-brainer, unless they will seriously starve without you.

If you feel terrible about it, send them over a salad in honor of Pesach.

DrMom

Wed, Apr 17 2019, 1:31 am

1. They invited themselves over (that's just rude).
2. They do not vaccinate, there is a measles outbreak, and you have small kids.
3. They are difficult to feed.

"I'm sorry we cannot host you this year. I wish you a happy and healthy Pesach! Warm regards. Israel_C"

Israeli_C

Wed, Apr 17 2019, 1:34 am

I'm not sure what the measles situation is, but the twins are only 4 months old and their kids (1 year old and nearly 3 year old) are still completely unvaccinated :S Rappel you're amazing! If I had a car big enough for the whole gang, I'd be with you! I'm worried they'll offer to bring food, and because of their kashrut (very modern DL) I doubt we can eat it. I think I'll tell DH to explain the food situation and offer after pesach instead...

BadTichelDay

Wed, Apr 17 2019, 1:50 am

As all the others posted, cancel them. Your first duty as a mother is towards your children and your 4 months old twins have to be protected against possible exposure to measles. They can't protect themselves.
Also, think of yourself. One year in the past I took on too much stress around Pessach, with guests, kids and all, and in the end I had a kind of collaps and ended up in hospital with a serious health issue that had been worsened by the stress. Not worth it.
You have enough on your plate at this stage in life.
These vegans, I'm sure, are not going to starve. (If they are, they should get tzedakah). Why can't they make their own totally vegan seder and invite like-minded people? Or else, attach themselves to a public Seder and stick to the salads? Seriously. I was a vegetarian for many years (not any more), and I never expected people to cook extra stuff for me. I kept to the veggies and that's that.

Raisin

Wed, Apr 17 2019, 2:13 am

I think you need to explain all the chabad pesach minhagim. That might put them off. If they are DL they may eat kitnios also. Plus chabad doesn't "mish" so they can't bring thier own food to your house. And if you don't let your 3 year olds eat yogurt or chocolate on pesach not fair to their kids eating that stuff.

PLUS the babies. No, don't have their kids around yours. Make up a medical reason.

If all this fails and they do come I have a few vegan recipes you can make. Plus you can eat kitnios, gebrokts, and processed stuff on shabbos.

imasinger

Wed, Apr 17 2019, 3:09 am

Do you want to repost this on the Chabad section? I don't know how active it is, but I'd love to see you get advice from experienced shluchim about how to say no when you need to.

I teach music in several schools, and I know that my colleagues in the Chabad school have learned when and how to draw the line. Keeping your house kosher l'pesach, and your family safe come before hachnassas orchim.

Hatzlacha!

essie14

Wed, Apr 17 2019, 4:00 am

imasinger wrote:

Good idea, but OP is not a shaliach. She lives in Israel. These guests can find a vegan seder anywhere in Israel with the click of one Facebook post.

amother

Apricot

Wed, Apr 17 2019, 4:13 am

true but if you say it is about accommodating vegan diet someone could say thats ok we will bring or just eat whatever
if you do not want the guests and are understandably concerned about the non vaxing measles risk particularly for your unable to be vaccinated yet babies please tell them this
and please know that if they say they will vax it takes some about a week or two for the immunity to kick in
and if you decide you are just not up to guests now then you could set that boundary also

wishing you and every a kasher v freilichen Pesach

Israeli_C

Wed, Apr 17 2019, 4:44 am

amother [ Apricot ] wrote:

true but if you say it is about accommodating vegan diet someone could say thats ok we will bring or just eat whatever
if you do not want the guests and are understandably concerned about he non vaxing measles risk particularly for your unable to be vaccinated yet babies please tell them this
and please know that if they say they will vax it takes some about a week or two for the immunity to kick in
and if you decide you are just not up to guests now then you could set that boundary also

wishing you and every a kasher v freilichen Pesach

Pesach kasher v'sameach to all!

Just broke the news and DH is upset. Hes searching for an apartment for them in the area at the moment. He said that I could be 'creative with vegetables' and that 'you never know who else is not vaccinated in our community, so why are you davka so anti this couple??'

amother

Apricot

Wed, Apr 17 2019, 4:50 am

you may need to tell him the truth -- perhaps you have your hands full enough at the moment just taking care of your own family, while he may love having guests and this family in particular you do not have to be anti anyone to not be up to anything extra right now

ra_mom

Wed, Apr 17 2019, 4:54 am

Israeli_C wrote:

Do not allow them to sleep in another apartment and still step foot in your home for visits. Your babies are more important. Too bad if dh can't see that. But you're their tiger mama and you will do anything to protect them!

WhatFor

Wed, Apr 17 2019, 5:13 am

Israeli_C wrote:

Fantastic. Tell DH since this all sounds so easy for him, he can handle this and that you'll booked a room for yourself at Dead Sea for the last days and will pump some bottles so he can feed the babies. Win-win-win all around!

imasinger

Wed, Apr 17 2019, 5:14 am

Israeli_C wrote:

There is a difference between the risk of a situation where risk factors are unknown, and a situation where the risk factor is clear.

You could, cv"sh, get hit by a car at any time, but that's different from standing in the middle of the street at rush hour.

I stand by my former advice -- talk to shluchim and others with experience on how and when to say no.

As essie14 pointed out, your position is not the same, so kol vachomer, you can say no and learn from them how.

Is there a rav your DH will listen to? Maybe talk to that person. Frankly, he seems a bit clueless as to the challenge of 4 month old twins, if he thinks this is the time for demanding extra of you.