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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Pesach
Vegans invited themselves for Pesach... and we're chabad
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Israeli_C




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 17 2019, 11:43 pm
simba wrote:
Why not make it simple. Ask a Rabbi and Dr. if you are allowed to knowingly expose your dc to unvaccinated individuals during an outbreak.

That should do the trick.


Our Rav already told him clearly that anyone who doesn't vaccinate is committing an aveira for needlessly exposing others to danger.
Our doctor said it's dangerous- full stop! Don't be around such people- especially the babies.

DH knows everyone is against him on this one, but he wants to be A Good Friend... sigh
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trixx




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 17 2019, 11:44 pm
Israeli_C wrote:
Our Rav already told him clearly that anyone who doesn't vaccinate is committing an aveira for needlessly exposing others to danger.
Our doctor said it's dangerous- full stop! Don't be around such people- especially the babies.

DH knows everyone is against him on this one, but he wants to be A Good Friend... sigh


How about FATHER?? or husband??
Banging head
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Sebastian




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 17 2019, 11:57 pm
well you need to put your foot down. even if he sulks.
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amother
Cobalt


 

Post Thu, Apr 18 2019, 12:02 am
Israeli_C wrote:
Our Rav already told him clearly that anyone who doesn't vaccinate is committing an aveira for needlessly exposing others to danger.
Our doctor said it's dangerous- full stop! Don't be around such people- especially the babies.

DH knows everyone is against him on this one, but he wants to be A Good Friend... sigh


Yeah sigh. I guess your kids will only be protected if you stand up for them.
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simba




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 18 2019, 12:36 am
Israeli_C wrote:
Our Rav already told him clearly that anyone who doesn't vaccinate is committing an aveira for needlessly exposing others to danger.
Our doctor said it's dangerous- full stop! Don't be around such people- especially the babies.

DH knows everyone is against him on this one, but he wants to be A Good Friend... sigh


OP. Say No. you are the mother and have a responsibility to keep your babies safe and yourself sane.
End this now. This is not when you give in for Sholom Bayis. Not this time.
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amother
Sienna


 

Post Thu, Apr 18 2019, 12:42 am
My mother gave up a lot in the name of “Shalom Bayis.” A lot. But never our needs. She would always put us first and stick up for her children. And that made all the difference in the world.
Sacrificing your children on the altar of “Shalom Bayis” is not selfless, it’s the opposite.
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amother
Orchid


 

Post Thu, Apr 18 2019, 1:09 am
amother [ Sienna ] wrote:
My mother gave up a lot in the name of “Shalom Bayis.” A lot. But never our needs. She would always put us first and stick up for her children. And that made all the difference in the world.
Sacrificing your children on the altar of “Shalom Bayis” is not selfless, it’s the opposite.


Your mom was amazing. I know a family just like the OP, where the mom gave everything up for their jerk of a father. For the "sake of Shalom Bayis", even at the expense of the health and happiness of her children (just like OP).
Today, many years later, the mother eats herself up. Her marriage is still hell, and after all her sacrifices and being the martyr she has nobody, her kids stay far away and want nothing to do with her.

Shalom Bayis means compromises, not sacrifices. Only motherhood is sacrifices,(and also within its limits), because kids rely on someone to protect them and give them health and stability.
Your kids come first. They have nobody else to protect them. Don't let them down or it'll be another lose/lose sad situation like the one described above.
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amother
Ivory


 

Post Thu, Apr 18 2019, 3:21 am
amother [ Orchid ] wrote:
. I know a family just like the OP, where the mom gave everything up for their jerk of a father.


I disagree with this presumption. OP's husband is probably not a "jerk" - just a man who is really eager to do a mitzvah, and connect with old friends, and who temporarily lost track of his priorities. Like the guy in Ushpizin.
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amother
Blue


 

Post Thu, Apr 18 2019, 4:01 am
trixx wrote:
How about FATHER?? or husband??
Banging head


That's what I was gonna say??? A good friend???
If his wife and kids leave him, I wanna know if his friends will take him in and care for him. Ugh
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finallyamommy




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 18 2019, 5:14 am
amother [ Ivory ] wrote:
I disagree with this presumption. OP's husband is probably not a "jerk" - just a man who is really eager to do a mitzvah, and connect with old friends, and who temporarily lost track of his priorities. Like the guy in Ushpizin.


It's been a while since I've seen Ushpizin, but from what I remember that guy WAS a jerk.
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 18 2019, 9:21 am
Israeli_C wrote:
Our Rav already told him clearly that anyone who doesn't vaccinate is committing an aveira for needlessly exposing others to danger.
Our doctor said it's dangerous- full stop! Don't be around such people- especially the babies.

DH knows everyone is against him on this one, but he wants to be A Good Friend... sigh


How good a friend would he be if he hosted these folks and cv"sh someone in your family got measles because of them, and they had that aveira to live with?

There are times when a friend takes a stand. Some years ago, there was a campaign, "Friends don't let friends drive drunk."

By the same token, friends don't let friends put themselves and others into danger with unsafe exposure to serious disease.
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Israeli_C




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 18 2019, 10:14 am
Just on a sidenote- DH is far from being a jerk. He's actually very intelligent, loyal and sincere. However he's also a people pleaser and it sometimes comes at a price. He has a number of 'friends' who take advantage of his good will and inability to say 'no', such as this request.

In the end, DH simply stopped mentioning the topic of hosting. I think that he also didn't really want to host them, but as usual felt badly for his friend (who, along with his wife, is a long time user and loser). B"H this time we could 'blame' our minhagim (the topic of non-vaccinating is too sensitive for them... I tried broaching the reason why, and his wife snapped at me and asked why she needed to bother vaccinating when everyone else already did it). Ugh.
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crust




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 18 2019, 10:36 am
Whip
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amother
Ivory


 

Post Thu, Apr 18 2019, 10:42 am
finallyamommy wrote:
It's been a while since I've seen Ushpizin, but from what I remember that guy WAS a jerk.


He was not. He really loved hachnasas orchim, he was very passionate about his religious lifestyle, and he was a bit gullible - he was trying very hard to "just believe," and nothing was working out the way he was taught it should, so he ended up in a mess.
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 18 2019, 10:46 am
amother [ Ivory ] wrote:
I disagree with this presumption. OP's husband is probably not a "jerk" - just a man who is really eager to do a mitzvah, and connect with old friends, and who temporarily lost track of his priorities. Like the guy in Ushpizin.


Temporarily every day of his life?

Uh huh. Sure.
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amother
Ivory


 

Post Thu, Apr 18 2019, 10:50 am
mommy3b2c wrote:
Temporarily every day of his life?

Uh huh. Sure.


We don't know that.

Did you ever notice that people only post on this site when things are going badly?

He could be wonderful most of the time, but OP only posts when she's at the end of her rope.
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notshanarishona




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 18 2019, 11:02 am
Israeli_C wrote:
Just on a sidenote- DH is far from being a jerk. He's actually very intelligent, loyal and sincere. However he's also a people pleaser and it sometimes comes at a price. He has a number of 'friends' who take advantage of his good will and inability to say 'no', such as this request.

In the end, DH simply stopped mentioning the topic of hosting. I think that he also didn't really want to host them, but as usual felt badly for his friend (who, along with his wife, is a long time user and loser). B"H this time we could 'blame' our minhagim (the topic of non-vaccinating is too sensitive for them... I tried broaching the reason why, and his wife snapped at me and asked why she needed to bother vaccinating when everyone else already did it). Ugh.


You are very defensive of your husband, not willing to hear anything bad about him. On the one hand , it's great you look up to him, on the other hand your posts scream out my marriage needs help. If he is a people pleaser why does he keep not viewing you in the equation? Most people with 4 kids under 3 would be getting help to make yom tov, not hosting , and for sure not whole families. In E"Y at 4 months most women are just going back to work and starting to reenter society. Now is the time to be a taker , not always a giver and killing yourself .
Also based on the difficulties your husband leaves you with over Shabbas, can you count on his help over yom tov? He for sure can't expect you to host if he is not helping you during the day, especially if you don't like his friends , and that's putting the vaccination issue aside.
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notshanarishona




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 18 2019, 11:03 am
amother [ Ivory ] wrote:
We don't know that.

Did you ever notice that people only post on this site when things are going badly?

He could be wonderful most of the time, but OP only posts when she's at the end of her rope.


There is nothing wonderful about a man who needs to be told again and again that his wife is not superwoman and chessed begins at home.
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amother
Orange


 

Post Thu, Apr 18 2019, 11:13 am
notshanarishona wrote:
There is nothing wonderful about a man who needs to be told again and again that his wife is not superwoman and chessed begins at home.


There is nothing wonderful about bashing a person's spouse. Its extremely hurtful.
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notshanarishona




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 18 2019, 11:34 am
amother [ Orange ] wrote:
There is nothing wonderful about bashing a person's spouse. Its extremely hurtful.


When someone is in denial that is what they need to hear. If after 75 people saying it nicely the message is not getting across then you need to be straight and cut out the sugar coating.
Op needs to realize for her own good and the sake of her kids that her and her husband need help.
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